EndGameNYC

If pain and suffering, or the anticipation of pain and suffering, were good reasons not to move forward, we'd get nowhere in life. The first steps are always difficult. Staring into the abyss, we cannot know where life will bring us. The reality is that we can't know where life will bring us if we don't take action, so we often settle instead for a familiar brand of misery.

The first act of most newborns is to cry, a signal that things will not always go well or as expected when we leave the safety of the womb. But we must leave. Pain and suffering are the hallmarks of making the necessary changes to live a better life, which is also the source of living a meaningful life. Staying put, making no decision at all, is only despair. It can be either an endpoint in our lives, or a starting point. We only have so many opportunities to set things right. I ran through several Stop signs in my life, which only left me beaten and battered.

We know what's right for us in life, but the anticipation and fear of hardship steers us towards putting these opportunities to move forward on the shelf, until the shelf collapses under its own weight. Do I build a new or better shelf? Or do I find a better way? Muting the rebellion within only leads to compliance, a subjugation of our better selves. We remain complicit with our misery, and then wonder how and why things got so bad.

It's a good thing that you're reaching out for help. I can attribute many things to my getting sober and building a better life. Perhaps the most indispensable of all has been genuine and consistent support. I see the same thing with people who've lived meaningful lives but who haven't had to struggle with addictions. A deep sigh is my usual response to people who insist that they can make it through life on their own. I've rarely seen evidence in favor of doing so in my personal and professional life.

Things will not always be as they are right now. And for many of us, that's a good thing.

teatreeoil007

I imagine there is bound to be a grieving period after callin it quits... And maybe this time year makes it worse.... Post holiday blahs and whatnot... Keep looking ahead with hope...good changes that will come...there is no quick fix or overnight healing... But you will feel better!!

Dee74

Some relationships are toxic.

I guarantee you there's not one of us here who'd stay sober if we felt we lost out on the deal

It's going to be OK

D

MissPerfumado

Absolutely! You sound amazing, insightful and kind. I am 100% sure you'll find a much better lover than the booze!

FormerWineGirl

SS, it is so easy for us to romanticize drinking. The booze commercials on TV are a good example; the men and women all look look like movie stars, dressed to the nines, driving 100k sports cars, sitting in a ritzy club. I don't know about you, but most of my drinking episodes didn't play out that way. Mine was more likely to be me at my house in my pajamas, watching TV and getting wasted.

Jsbodhi

No way!!!
Being sober is a blast, at first it's white knuckling, then you start doing things you wouldn't or couldn't do while actively drinking.
There are so many firsts and it feels like getting a new lease on life!
You can do it. Xoxo

chrcarlson

You are giving up a relationship that has wrecked one car, put you in jail, ruined one and probably many more relationships. I read some of your posts, probably ruined your health, damaged your mental health. You know 25 years of drinking-it's made you look much older. Yeah, that sound like a great relationship-I'd be crying to if someone did that to me. Unfortunately alcohol is not something I can beat with a bat. Best I can do it kick it out of my life and never let it return.

Once you are sober for a week you will begin thinking about ways it has damaged you that you couldn't imagine before. Look in a mirror and then after a week or two of not drinking look again. You will notice you look 5 or 10 years younger. What happened to the dark circles, baggy eyes and wrinkles? Most of them left with their old buddy alcohol.

Try to focus on what you will be getting.

SoberinSyracuse

Correction: Alcohol has wrecked TWO cars, two marriages, and two additional relationships.

A big part of this grieving nonsense is just moodiness associated with the taper. I'll bet you in two weeks it's ancient history.

Heard back from my recovery coach. He says, "Yep. Very common. We'll be working on that."

Jsbodhi

I felt like this more with trying quit cigs ( still unsuccessfully) than I did with alcohol.
Addiction is a dog from hell!
You can do it, just give it a chance and see xo

chrcarlson

Sober, I glad you have had enough. It's taken a lot of beatings for me to quit. I'm working on 30 days. I've had a few bad days lately but on average it does get easier. I just can't have one beer if I want to stay on this glide path. I feel my average negative is going down and my average positive is going up.

This is going to be so good for me, it just takes time

doggonecarl

In the end, it's just booze. A substance. A poisonous one at that. Don't carry a torch for it too long.

Whisperofhope

Celebrate the positives in your life - your sobriety is something to celebrate. You'll have a better marriage next time around.