Sorry
 

I apologize for my broken record, the same old posts, the same self misery. I'm sorry. I don't deserve your support, but I need it. I'm scared for my life. I don't know who I am any more.

Shanti-no need to apologize girlfriend!! Are you physically safe??

I hope so.
My husband is sleeping now. But he's so angry at me. The house is covered in blood and holes in the walls. It's all my fault.

I don't like the visual I'm getting here shanti- sounds like you need to get out of there while he's still asleep! Can you get to an ER to get checked out?

What happened Shanti ?

Shanti it's not your fault. You cannot control the way people deal with situations. The only thing you can control is you, focus on yourself, on not drinking today.

It's tough I know, the sweet oblivion of a drink is tempting, but the oblivion is fleeting and the problems are still there when you sober up. I'm telling myself this every time my AV comes calling. Hour to hour, one day at a time.

Sending hugs from the UK.

I'm not sure what's going on. Are you safe?

D

I'm ok. I'm with my dog and am riding get out the time.
Things will get better. I know that.

Shanti------? Glad you're ok for now..... But blood all over the house and holes in the walls is ringing all sorts of alarm bells...

Yeah. It's toxic. I need to leave.

Do you have a place to go and a way to get there.... Glad you've got your dog...

So, you're leaving now, right?

Hi Shanti, you still there?
Xo

I'm here. I'm ok.
I need to get off this crazy train. I want to be happy. I want to at least be content.

I think you said you were American, in Japan, Shantilove?
This page may help you take some action

http://japan.usembassy.gov/e/acs/tac...-domestic.html

D

Thx for posting the link Dee

You deserve to be happy.... AND content... What will you do-- wait for the next blood bath-?- it's time to take care of shanti!!

Heart goes out to you Shati, keep reaching for help, keep in mind we are sick while in the stage it sounds like you are in, take all the help you can get, maybe consider being checked out in the hospital or detox to get your feet on the ground. We are pulling for you. Andrew

Yeah- early detox can sometimes feel t0psy- turbulent - turvy in your brain-- you may wonder who you are, what the h**l is wrong with you and how long it will last

But you have simply got to take care of your needs somehow and get some help there🔜Or leave.... Not a real fan of riding it out hoping it will get better...worried about you...

Whose blood? And who made the holes in the walls? You or your husband?

On another thread you mentioned trying AA - did you find out about meetings?