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SoberinSyracuse 01-01-2016 08:09 AM

Help Me Get Off the Sofa!
 
Well, y'all know that I'm doing a medically-guided taper to get ready to go to a program. It's not fun. I'm always in a craving state and white-knuckling like crazy.

I feel fatigued, unmotivated. Kind of flu-like, I haven't washed/dressed in two days, and my home is a mess.

I think it would probably help me feel a bit better if I'd get up, clean up, and do a few productive things. But I just can't seem to do it!

Can you give me a little encouragement?

Jecrois2016 01-01-2016 08:19 AM

Yes, brew some coffee, get up and take a shower. Put on nice music. This is a new year. Let the troubles of 2015 stay where they belong, in the past! Take baby steps towords your better you. Yes, you're still tapering, but heading in the right direction. You can do this, but it's up to you!

sugarbear1 01-01-2016 08:39 AM

I'd start with a shower then I'd write the tasks on little pieces of paper and put them in a bowl or jar and pick one. Complete that task and move to the next. Make it fun enough to just do. Each time you accomplish something you'll feel a little better about things!!

biminiblue 01-01-2016 08:44 AM

Get outside! Take a walk. Especially if you are white-knuckling. How about an AA meeting?

Midwest1981 01-01-2016 08:46 AM

Taking a shower and getting dressed always makes me feel better! Then maybe put on your favorite music if that helps you get motivated. :)

good luck!! I hope you get to feeling better real soon.

ItWillBeWorthIt 01-01-2016 08:53 AM

Shower or bath with epson salts and backing soda to draw out toxins, if you have some.

Fresh clothes and then tackle on project at a time, even if you need to rest between task - depends on how weak you are.

Wishing you the best in your recovery - it is so worth it.

Obladi 01-01-2016 09:01 AM

Oh, I've been there! Recently.

My mindset was - I'm going to take a shower and then I'll get all sweaty and gross if I put any effort out at all. It was the detox making me sweat, of course.

So here's my suggestion: start with changing your bed linens. Then do something else, just one other thing. I like sugarbear's suggestion of tasks in the fishbowl, but make them small things. Put some music on and do one thing (throw the one thing back in and pick another if you don't feel like doing it! :) ). If you feel like it, do another. Etc. Once you are done, take a shower and put on clean jammies. Watch Netflix or read or do a puzzle or read SR until it's time for bed.

In my book, there is no feeling better than going to bed and waking up clean in fresh linens. Having "done something" is icing on the cake and motivation for the next day.

SoberinSyracuse 01-01-2016 09:09 AM

LOL, how'd you know my bed linens were dirty?

Yes, thank you all. I'm getting up now. It will be a day of little things, culminating in feeling better from moving a bit, and a pleasanter home, and being more ready to work tomorrow!

I also reached out to my roommate who didn't really understand what the problem was, but agreed to get groceries if I tidy the house.

Up, up, and away!

(The unpleasantness of the taper sorely tempts me to rip the band-aid off and go CT, but I had a seizure last time so that's crazy talk.)

DG0409 01-01-2016 09:10 AM

It helps me to make a list of things and then just methodically work through it. I love that feeling of crossing things off!

And then I try to be gentle with myself. If I don't complete the list, at least I spent some time making progress. There were plenty of days early on where my list just included basic stuff like showering, eating, going for a walk, getting on SR, etc.

If you need to, start with something small like getting up and brushing your teeth or making the bed.

Incontrol15 01-01-2016 09:11 AM

I love the idea of using slips of paper and a bowl. Sure wish I thought of that when I was in the same boat.

Somebody had posted here recently about not fighting those types of feelings. What bothers us is how we feel about what we're going through. If we let go we'll come out of the funk faster.

Trying to force our way out of those funks seems fruitless at times. We don't go from 0 to 100 no matter our best efforts, so we still feel disappointed. We fail to appreciate the small advancements or even recognize them.

If we can see and appreciate even the smallest improvements, we can stack them together to make a bigger one. It's easier to look back over a few days and add up the small steps we've made and feel proud of them if our expectations aren't too high.

I'm really good at failure. I've spent much of my life falling short of goals and expectations I set for myself. I'd have a vision of how I think things should be and I was always falling short. Just take baby steps. The goal is to put yourself in a position where you will not be disappointed with yourself when the day is over. Set yourself up so that you'll wake up tomorrow without feeling like the previous day was a failure or a waste.

Setting really small and easy to achieve goals is the way to go. As you start accomplishing those tiny goals, you are rebuilding your confidence and reward system. Every day you live falling short of goals makes you feel worthless.

During my early days, I had followed advice I read about setting small goals like that and made a to-do list which I would review during the day. At the end of the day, I'd look over my list and recognize all that I had done.

My list looked a little like: - get out of bed. - shower - brush teeth - get dressed - take vitamins - eat breakfast, lunch, dinner - read and post on SR - read something online about addiction or recovery - drink water (listed a few times for the day) - listen to a self guided meditation video on YouTube. - call somebody. Anybody. If they didn't answer, I still checked it off as complete. - journal

It wasn't long before my list became BIG things like clean or go for a walk. Start small and work your way up is my suggestion.

I love the idea of putting small tasks on slips of paper into a bowl. Save the ones you complete in another bowl so you can see your accomplishments. I had read a cool idea before about using post it notes in the same way. The things to do can be at your desk or fridge. When a "task" is completed, it's moved to your bedroom mirror or dresser. This way you can see what you did at the end of the day and first thing in the morning.

And take your diet very seriously. Drinking water, taking your vitamins, stay away from processed foods and sugars. Eating 5 small meals that include fruits, nuts, veggies, lean meats does a whole lot of good as that keeps your glucose level even throughout the day.

Soberwolf 01-01-2016 09:11 AM

:scoregood

DG0409 01-01-2016 09:12 AM

Oh, and another thing that helps me sometimes is to set a timer and make myself do a task for 10 or 20 minutes and then allow myself a break when that is done. Sometimes the worst part is getting started and once the timer goes off, I just continue on what I was trying to accomplish anyway.

Incontrol15 01-01-2016 09:22 AM

Taking those breaks...very true. They were my rewards for a while. I could be as lazy as I wanted as long as I did one thing on my list. Might even be just reading and posting in SR. A task did not have to be big, just anything on my list. Maybe eat a fruit, or drink a bottle of water.

It's ok to be lazy. It's actually necessary to a degree. You can even add to your list of things to do specific ways of being lazy.

Take a nap: check...done!
Start a new series on Netflix: done!

PurpleKnight 01-01-2016 09:23 AM

A walk in the fresh air, a shower and some coffee/tea, all great things to get the day going.

Though sometimes you may just feel like having a sofa day, and that's fine too in early Sobriety, but I always made sure I still had a shower to make me feel better, then I would play online scrabble, which still made me feel like I was accomplishing or applying myself!! :)

Obladi 01-01-2016 09:27 AM


Originally Posted by SoberinSyracuse (Post 5717834)
LOL, how'd you know my bed linens were dirty?

I also reached out to my roommate who didn't really understand what the problem was, but agreed to get groceries if I tidy the house.

I said I'd been there - recently. :)
Like... I finally did the linens/shower thing last night!

Good flourish with the social bartering - I've got that going on with one of my daughters.

DG0409 01-01-2016 10:37 AM

Great posts Incontrol. Seriously, they read just like things I could have written!

SoberinSyracuse 01-01-2016 10:43 AM

Thanks again, everybody. I do feel physically and mentally better. Even cleaned the bathroom. May tackle some laundry.

lisatryingagain 01-02-2016 01:56 AM

Im struggling with the same thing.... but remember we are healing, so don't be too hard on yourself.

I love the ticking of things idea - im just a little bit scared to write anything down in the first place in case I do nothing at all.... But I think I will give it a go.

teatreeoil007 01-02-2016 02:27 AM


Originally Posted by Purpleknight (Post 5717867)
Though sometimes you may just feel like having a sofa day, and that's fine too in early Sobriety, but I always made sure I still had a shower to make me feel better, then I would play online scrabble, which still made me feel like I was accomplishing or applying myself!! :)

I like that! Let's have a sofa day ... It's got a nice ring to it!��

Dee74 01-02-2016 03:09 AM

Make a list of things to do - even if it's only 3 or 4 things and do them...add more to the lost tomorrow :)

D

DG0409 01-02-2016 06:00 AM


Originally Posted by teatreeoil007 (Post 5719136)
I like that! Let's have a sofa day ... It's got a nice ring to it!��

When I got sober, a friend here (I think it was Toots) deemed them 'duvet days'. I always liked the sound of that-it kind of rhymes and sounds so sophisticated. And I had more than one.

InTheEnd 01-02-2016 06:24 AM

Twenty years ago, my little baby girl had colic. After a few days and nights of this, I called my Mom in tears and exhausted. She came right over to help. Her first words after hugs were "Take a shower, clean yourself up, maybe even put some make up on, eat a peanut butter sandwich and I'll be right here" (Peanut butter sandwich because she said it was easy to make and would stick to my ribs). It sounds silly now, but it is something that stayed with me during hard times in my life and when I couldn't find the strength on my own. Two periods in my life since then stand out.

1. When my Mom had cancer, I remembered her "silly" words and did this frequently. When she passed at 230am in the morning. I woke up at 230am that same morning. I somehow knew something had changed. As if on automatic pilot, I got in the shower, put some make up on, ate a peanut butter sandwich and drove to my parents house and got there at 5am. My dad was standing at the back door when I pulled up with tears in his eyes. I knew right then she was really gone.

2. Quitting drinking. During those early days, I was unmotivated and not really taking care of myself or my surroundings. I was just trying to stay sober, isolating myself still even though sober and was a major couch potato. Her words again popped in my head...."Take a shower, put some make up on and eat a peanut butter sandwich, I'll be right here". It got me off the couch and made me feel somewhat human which opened my mind to the possibility of moving forward instead of staying in the slothlike state.

As I write this, I realize how ridiculous it might sound to others . But those "silly" words she said now mean so much more now. She was telling me to move forward, life is hard, but you have to live it even if your tired or discouraged. Get through the tough, take the bull by the horns, and ride on. Maybe even "You've gotta fake it to make it". I even bribed myself with the "reward" of being a slug, saying "Ok, if you clean the kitchen, you can lay around all day after". And I did lay around after what seems "a nothing" accomplishment, but even during that time of laying around, when I'd get up to to eat something or shuffle from one room to the next ....I'd walk by the kitchen and see it clean and feel like I accomplished something. Baby steps....

She'll never know what a gift she gave me by just saying the words "Take a shower, put some make up on and eat a peanut butter sandwich....I'll be right here". And she still is right here, with me, in my heart.

You can do this and its get a little better every day. Be kind to yourself and allow for downtime. But maybe take that shower and the rest will follow. Baby steps are what worked for me and my Mom's beautiful voice in my head.

Wishing you the best and lots of strength.:grouphug:

DG0409 01-02-2016 08:16 AM


Originally Posted by InTheEnd (Post 5719371)
Twenty years ago, my little baby girl had colic. After a few days and nights of this, I called my Mom in tears and exhausted. She came right over to help. Her first words after hugs were "Take a shower, clean yourself up, maybe even put some make up on, eat a peanut butter sandwich and I'll be right here" (Peanut butter sandwich because she said it was easy to make and would stick to my ribs). It sounds silly now, but it is something that stayed with me during hard times in my life and when I couldn't find the strength on my own. Two periods in my life since then stand out.

1. When my Mom had cancer, I remembered her "silly" words and did this frequently. When she passed at 230am in the morning. I woke up at 230am that same morning. I somehow knew something had changed. As if on automatic pilot, I got in the shower, put some make up on, ate a peanut butter sandwich and drove to my parents house and got there at 5am. My dad was standing at the back door when I pulled up with tears in his eyes. I knew right then she was really gone.

2. Quitting drinking. During those early days, I was unmotivated and not really taking care of myself or my surroundings. I was just trying to stay sober, isolating myself still even though sober and was a major couch potato. Her words again popped in my head...."Take a shower, put some make up on and eat a peanut butter sandwich, I'll be right here". It got me off the couch and made me feel somewhat human which opened my mind to the possibility of moving forward instead of staying in the slothlike state.

As I write this, I realize how ridiculous it might sound to others . But those "silly" words she said now mean so much more now. She was telling me to move forward, life is hard, but you have to live it even if your tired or discouraged. Get through the tough, take the bull by the horns, and ride on. Maybe even "You've gotta fake it to make it". I even bribed myself with the "reward" of being a slug, saying "Ok, if you clean the kitchen, you can lay around all day after". And I did lay around after what seems "a nothing" accomplishment, but even during that time of laying around, when I'd get up to to eat something or shuffle from one room to the next ....I'd walk by the kitchen and see it clean and feel like I accomplished something. Baby steps....

She'll never know what a gift she gave me by just saying the words "Take a shower, put some make up on and eat a peanut butter sandwich....I'll be right here". And she still is right here, with me, in my heart.

You can do this and its get a little better every day. Be kind to yourself and allow for downtime. But maybe take that shower and the rest will follow. Baby steps are what worked for me and my Mom's beautiful voice in my head.

Wishing you the best and lots of strength.:grouphug:

What a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this.

Obladi 01-02-2016 08:23 AM

^^^+1

lisatryingagain 01-02-2016 02:28 PM

In the end thankyou for sharing that. I had a similar thought this morning about my mum - I haven't told her I am struggling again yet but I forced myself out of bed to eat a piece of toast thinking of what she had said to me in the past, similar words of encouragement.

Purple knight scrabble got me through a lot of early recovery last time - I think I need to log on and get some games going again. Thank you for reminding me of that.

teatreeoil007 01-02-2016 03:00 PM

InTheEnd:

Beautiful! Mamma knows best, eh?

I remember those early motherhood days well when just taking a shower seemed like a major accomplishment!

Something that helps me out of inertia at times is I still hear my mom's voice saying, "Time to turn off the boob -tube and go outside!" We protested a little, but went ahead and got all bundled up or whatever, went outside and played for hours on end. It was worth turning the T.V. off and worth making the effort.


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