life slipping away
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: West Hollywood, CA
Posts: 15
life slipping away
that's how i feel. hi -- i am new here. have browsed in the past, and once again this board came up when i typed in "depression and alcoholism message board". it helps to read your stories so i figure i'll post my own.
i am 25 and the last year and a half my drinking has gotten totally out of control. i am so addicted that despite horrible things consistently happening, i still want to drink. and i do. i tell myself that deep down i know i am not an "alcoholic" - have no family history of drinking, normal upbringing, maybe even privileged. i keep saying it's a phase but i know it's not. there are so many issues going on with me that i don't even know where to start.
drinking is a social thing for me. i do not care to drink at all unless i am going to be around people. i've gotten into this pattern where i will have a drink before even going to a movie, to a church, if it's a party i'll have 2 or even 3 just to "warm up". i am quiet, maybe a little shy and alcohol solves that problem very easily. i become a social butterfly, i suddenly have so much to say and i am afraid people won't like me unless i've had a few drinks. i'm afraid i won't like my own friends unless I am buzzed. nobody knows i sneak drinks before going out. i'm embarrassed about it.
i have had 3 different jobs in the last year. i quit the first one because i just stopped showing up due to hangovers. the 2nd job, same thing. this job i skipped work friday due to a massive hangover.
i got into a car accident drunk and i didn't even remember it happening. i black out almost every time i drink. i consistently forget people i've met, kissed, even slept with (did i kiss so and so? is a common thing for me to ask). this ruins relationships, it makes me look and feel disgusting. it also feels very very lonely.
i have become a person i don't know. i'm prone to crying a lot, edgy, depressed. spend whole sunny days hungover laying on the couch ordering greasy food unable to even leave my apartment. i feel like i have no values anymore, i don't want to work - because it cuts into my drinking time. i have no ambition, i associate with other people who are big drinkers and they've become my only friends...so i don't know who i'd hang out with if i stopped being friends with them and stopped drinking.
i could go on and on, but i don't want to keep rambling! i need some help. but it's hard to make that step and i don't know where to start. and when my hangover goes away, all of this will just get pushed back into the closet, i fear.
anyway.. thanks for the space to post my feelings.
i am 25 and the last year and a half my drinking has gotten totally out of control. i am so addicted that despite horrible things consistently happening, i still want to drink. and i do. i tell myself that deep down i know i am not an "alcoholic" - have no family history of drinking, normal upbringing, maybe even privileged. i keep saying it's a phase but i know it's not. there are so many issues going on with me that i don't even know where to start.
drinking is a social thing for me. i do not care to drink at all unless i am going to be around people. i've gotten into this pattern where i will have a drink before even going to a movie, to a church, if it's a party i'll have 2 or even 3 just to "warm up". i am quiet, maybe a little shy and alcohol solves that problem very easily. i become a social butterfly, i suddenly have so much to say and i am afraid people won't like me unless i've had a few drinks. i'm afraid i won't like my own friends unless I am buzzed. nobody knows i sneak drinks before going out. i'm embarrassed about it.
i have had 3 different jobs in the last year. i quit the first one because i just stopped showing up due to hangovers. the 2nd job, same thing. this job i skipped work friday due to a massive hangover.
i got into a car accident drunk and i didn't even remember it happening. i black out almost every time i drink. i consistently forget people i've met, kissed, even slept with (did i kiss so and so? is a common thing for me to ask). this ruins relationships, it makes me look and feel disgusting. it also feels very very lonely.
i have become a person i don't know. i'm prone to crying a lot, edgy, depressed. spend whole sunny days hungover laying on the couch ordering greasy food unable to even leave my apartment. i feel like i have no values anymore, i don't want to work - because it cuts into my drinking time. i have no ambition, i associate with other people who are big drinkers and they've become my only friends...so i don't know who i'd hang out with if i stopped being friends with them and stopped drinking.
i could go on and on, but i don't want to keep rambling! i need some help. but it's hard to make that step and i don't know where to start. and when my hangover goes away, all of this will just get pushed back into the closet, i fear.
anyway.. thanks for the space to post my feelings.
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hello Delaney--Welcome to SR!
Wow.... You just told MY story. I did all those things you speak of. And more. I also have no history of alcoholism in my family. I also had great resolve when hung-over, and it would all go away when I felt better again. I kept thinking, "This time it will be different. This time I won't get so out of control." But it was always the same.
Have you thought about going to AA? It has been an absolute life-saver for me. I understand your fear about your friends and who you will hang out with. If you start going to AA (most people recommend 90 meetings in the first 90 days) you will find new friends who are going through the same things you are and who want the same things you want.
Hang in there, hon'. And even if you can't quit right away, keep posting. There are a lot of wonderful people here.... More will be along shortly.
Hugs--
Wow.... You just told MY story. I did all those things you speak of. And more. I also have no history of alcoholism in my family. I also had great resolve when hung-over, and it would all go away when I felt better again. I kept thinking, "This time it will be different. This time I won't get so out of control." But it was always the same.
Have you thought about going to AA? It has been an absolute life-saver for me. I understand your fear about your friends and who you will hang out with. If you start going to AA (most people recommend 90 meetings in the first 90 days) you will find new friends who are going through the same things you are and who want the same things you want.
Hang in there, hon'. And even if you can't quit right away, keep posting. There are a lot of wonderful people here.... More will be along shortly.
Hugs--
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
WOW 26 I CAN SO RELATE.I NEEDED TO DRINK JUST TO GO TO THE BAR.
PINT IN THE POCKET SO WHEN I WENT TO THE BATHROOM
I COULD DRINK MORE W/O ANYBODY KNOWING.
BLACKOUTS ARE A GIVEN.
I'M GLAD YOUR HERE,MUCH HELP AND SUPPORT HERE.
STICK AROUND,YOU'LL FIT RIGHT IN HERE.
GODSPEED......ted
PINT IN THE POCKET SO WHEN I WENT TO THE BATHROOM
I COULD DRINK MORE W/O ANYBODY KNOWING.
BLACKOUTS ARE A GIVEN.
I'M GLAD YOUR HERE,MUCH HELP AND SUPPORT HERE.
STICK AROUND,YOU'LL FIT RIGHT IN HERE.
GODSPEED......ted
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Welcome
(((Delaney)))
You're story is oh so familiar. It is very similiar to mine. I had to drink or drug to do anything at all. I was shy and could only open up and have "fun" after drinking. Then, as you said, I became the social butterfly. Drinking til I passed out, waking up in strange places, and kissing people I never would sober.
Then I stumbled into the rooms of AA. I was scared that people wouldn't accept me. It was just the opposite. They welcomed me. They gave me phone numbers and told me to call them whenever.
Another great discovery was finding SoberRecovery. I have made so many friends here. Sometimes it's easier to get things off my chest with people I can't see. There have been a few times the people here have sat with me while I was craving a drink. They told me this too shall pass.
It sounds to me like you want to stop drinking. Do it like we do, one day at a time. If that's too long, try one hour or one minute at a time. You can do this. You've taken the first step by asking for help.
Welcome to one of the greatest places you will find. Keep posting and let us know how we can help!
Sherry
You're story is oh so familiar. It is very similiar to mine. I had to drink or drug to do anything at all. I was shy and could only open up and have "fun" after drinking. Then, as you said, I became the social butterfly. Drinking til I passed out, waking up in strange places, and kissing people I never would sober.
Then I stumbled into the rooms of AA. I was scared that people wouldn't accept me. It was just the opposite. They welcomed me. They gave me phone numbers and told me to call them whenever.
Another great discovery was finding SoberRecovery. I have made so many friends here. Sometimes it's easier to get things off my chest with people I can't see. There have been a few times the people here have sat with me while I was craving a drink. They told me this too shall pass.
It sounds to me like you want to stop drinking. Do it like we do, one day at a time. If that's too long, try one hour or one minute at a time. You can do this. You've taken the first step by asking for help.
Welcome to one of the greatest places you will find. Keep posting and let us know how we can help!
Sherry
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Delaney. Wow you told MY story too! You are no longer alone. I know it feels like you are though, and I understand that.
I used to only drink socially too, and I loved what alcohol did for me. I had amazing confidence - for a while. Eventually I too drank and drove and it became dangerous for me and others so I started drinking at home. Alone. It got worse. My depression got worse. I tried to kill myself. And at 33, I found AA. Was it difficult, getting sober? Oh yes. But it was the most worthwhile thing I have done in my life thus far. My depression is manageable, I have REAL friends, I like myself, and I can be a REAL
friend to others, too. Give yourself a chance. Give sobriety a chance.
Please feel free to PM anytime you like and we can talk more if you would like.
Please keep coming back, we need you here. Yes, it's true, we need YOU.
God Bless
Love Rowan
I used to only drink socially too, and I loved what alcohol did for me. I had amazing confidence - for a while. Eventually I too drank and drove and it became dangerous for me and others so I started drinking at home. Alone. It got worse. My depression got worse. I tried to kill myself. And at 33, I found AA. Was it difficult, getting sober? Oh yes. But it was the most worthwhile thing I have done in my life thus far. My depression is manageable, I have REAL friends, I like myself, and I can be a REAL
friend to others, too. Give yourself a chance. Give sobriety a chance.
Please feel free to PM anytime you like and we can talk more if you would like.
Please keep coming back, we need you here. Yes, it's true, we need YOU.
God Bless
Love Rowan
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi Delany,
Welcome! You'll find lots of friendly support here. I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic and I absolutely understand your fears about stopping drinking. I drank a lot for a few years and in that time my life became so small because I gave up everything else that I enjoyed doing. You can have friends, real friends and have fun when you stop drinking. You may find your depression is better when you stop drinking because alcohol is a depressant. If not, maybe you could speak to your dr about that. There are lots of meds that help with depression.
I hope you keep hanging around here and get to know us.
Love, Anna
Welcome! You'll find lots of friendly support here. I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic and I absolutely understand your fears about stopping drinking. I drank a lot for a few years and in that time my life became so small because I gave up everything else that I enjoyed doing. You can have friends, real friends and have fun when you stop drinking. You may find your depression is better when you stop drinking because alcohol is a depressant. If not, maybe you could speak to your dr about that. There are lots of meds that help with depression.
I hope you keep hanging around here and get to know us.
Love, Anna
Monica
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Coraopolis, PA
Posts: 36
Hey 26, I'm Monica recovering addict, i too am 25 and i can totally relate with everything you said. One of the best advice I have gotten was I need to change my way of thinking "Never go with your 1st thought". Change doesn't happen over night, it does take time and time will be your best friend. At times I question, can I have a good time with my friends if i'm not drinking or high? Well let me tell you, they weren't my friends and my new sober friends I have now, care about me all the time! Keep posting, talking to people, chat, hit meetings, etc. Take care and be strong, it gets 100% better when your sober.
Monica
Monica
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
