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Wine Tasting Birthday Party

Old 12-31-2015, 03:27 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I wouldn't go. Wine was my thing and as much as I don't want to drink ever again.....Seeing people swishing, sniffing, tasting and savoring wine would probably break my resolve pretty quick. How romantic and harmless that would make the wine look in my eyes and mind. Even just typing this, I'm having weird, almost "loving" thoughts of wine.

Would've been just my "cup of tea" before....a party where the theme truly is drinking so no one will notice how much I pound down and I don't even have to hide it or feel guilty while doing it.

Flirting with disaster.
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Old 12-31-2015, 03:31 AM
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I wouldn't go & back up D's advice completely
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Old 12-31-2015, 03:38 AM
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I feel like the only person that knows whether you can handle it is you. Listen to your heart. If you have any doubt, I would say do not go. If you're worried about the duration of the party and things getting worse, perhaps go for an hour and then take a cab home. As people have mentioned in this thread, your sobriety is number one and you can do it If it was me, I would not go if I was not strong enough at the current time.
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Old 12-31-2015, 04:06 AM
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Wine tasting parties are for tasting wine not buying Tupperware. I wouldn't go this early in the piece. If you are not going to taste wine it would be pretty boring and only go to create a lot of angst and probably resentment. Wine tasting parties and early sobriety do not have a good look in my mind. If you do go maybe you could do some cheese tasting.
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Old 12-31-2015, 05:26 AM
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Originally Posted by BarbieKen View Post
Hi,
I'm an alcoholic and I don't drink wine. Since its a wine tasting party....
I put my recovery first. My partner would be aware of how important this was for me to stay committed to my sobriety. I say send him off with love, have him take a taxi home and you'll be there waiting for him.
Bobbi
This sums it up perfectly.

You have to put yourself and your sobriety first. alcoholic at a wine tasting party is a recipe for disaster
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Old 12-31-2015, 05:33 AM
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Originally Posted by sourbaby1986 View Post
Yeah, I want to be friends with these people and I haven't seen them in a long time. So yes I do want to go. I would almost rather go and be pretend happy and come home miserable than not go. I really want these people to like me and I want to be their friend! I'm lonely and that, for me, is the biggest trigger.
For me, part of getting sober was learning from scratch how to be true to myself. I stopped pretending to be someone I was not in the hope that people would like me.

Now I'm just me.

If you are wanting to fit in and for them to like you and they are persuading you to try the wine, laughing at you not drinking and telling you you are boring because you aren't trying the wine what will you do? Will you say no i don't drink or will you start tasting the wine because you want to fit in and want them to like you?

You don't have to answer me - just ask the question to yourself- you know the answer.
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Old 12-31-2015, 05:38 AM
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Don't go. How about planning something nice (and booze free) for your boyfriend and his mate later in the week. Lots to plan and think about, good distraction and a start on making alcohol free living, just as much fun as booze parties. Much more fun in fact.
xx
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:29 AM
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Thanks everybody - here's the thing (and it's probably obvious): I don't always have a problem with THE FIRST DRINK. I can drink socially quite fine, most of the time. The big book mentions the physical allergy and the obsession of the mind. I GET the obsession of the mind, but an ALLERGY of the BODY? I just simply don't believe I experience this. I gave it some thought last night, and here's what i experience:

Drinking alcohol in and of itself is not always an immediate problem for me. I'm not blacking out and I'm not drinking myself to death. What it does, honestly, is about half the time, it opens a door or flips a switch for more behavior. It's like I'm at a fork in the road and drinking puts me on the addict road. It makes me self-centered and focused on my comfort and popularity and likeability. And it I'm going to drink, I might as well take a pill so I get drunk faster (don't want to waste calories!). I'll probably need another pill the next day for the anxiety. And if I'm already taking pills, I should probably take a different pill so then I can suppress my appetite and get skinnier. Then I can drink after not eating and get drunk faster. Then maybe I'll etc etc etc

The best case is drink a bit, sleep in a little late, skip the gym, start eating poorly, obsess about my body/weight, and want to restrict my food or take pills to manage it. This, is what I believe is the cycle.

So - when you guys say 'all it takes is one drink and then you're a gonner'.....I'm not sure I feel that way. I do not feel the physical craving to keep drinking - but I have gained momentum on the addict train going down the addict road, and it's hard to stop, backup to the fork, and choose another direction.
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:41 AM
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"What it does, honestly, is about half the time, it opens a door or flips a switch for more behavior. It's like I'm at a fork in the road and drinking puts me on the addict road"

I guess the question is if the wine tasting event has even the remotest possibility of flipping a switch?

We all have different triggers, switches, forks in the road, drinking habits etc.. What unites us here is that we all have a problem. It may come in different degrees, forms, duration whatever. But alcoholism is what it is.

I don't mean to sound mean. But you seem to be in some kind of denial, or confusion, about whether you THINK you have a problem with drink or not.
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:42 AM
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Originally Posted by sourbaby1986 View Post
Then I can drink after not eating and get drunk faster.
This says a lot.
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
"What it does, honestly, is about half the time, it opens a door or flips a switch for more behavior. It's like I'm at a fork in the road and drinking puts me on the addict road"

I guess the question is if the wine tasting event has even the remotest possibility of flipping a switch?

We all have different triggers, switches, forks in the road, drinking habits etc.. What unites us here is that we all have a problem. It may come in different degrees, forms, duration whatever. But alcoholism is what it is.

I don't mean to sound mean. But you seem to be in some kind of denial, or confusion, about whether you THINK you have a problem with drink or not.
You're not being mean. I am in denial and I sit on this stupid fence for days at a time. It's awful. If I can just admit it and move on, I'm peaceful. But I am trying to get my honest thoughts out there so maybe you guys can help me poke holes in it. Cause these thoughts keep coming back and messing with everything.
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by bluedog97 View Post
This says a lot.
Well I wouldn't want to waste calories!
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
"What it does, honestly, is about half the time, it opens a door or flips a switch for more behavior. It's like I'm at a fork in the road and drinking puts me on the addict road"

I guess the question is if the wine tasting event has even the remotest possibility of flipping a switch?

We all have different triggers, switches, forks in the road, drinking habits etc.. What unites us here is that we all have a problem. It may come in different degrees, forms, duration whatever. But alcoholism is what it is.

I don't mean to sound mean. But you seem to be in some kind of denial, or confusion, about whether you THINK you have a problem with drink or not.
And all this, of course, begs the question: if I DONT think I have a problem, what the heck am I doing here?

Well, I can make a hundred excuses: I just need to feel part of something. I'm a hypochondriac and always think something is wrong. I'm depressed. My mother brainwashed me to think I'm defective. I'm miserable. I can't seem to find happiness anywhere, no matter what I do. My relationships suffer because my emotions are erratic and I'm looking for somebody to please me. I'm resentful at everyone, at the world. These things are either excuses, or real examples of umanageability. But the reason I'm here is NOT that I am in dire need of quitting drinking or drugs. I'm here because the 12 step program showed me the promises, it spoke of a spiritual malady to which I related entirely, and it gave me the only solution that ever seemed to make any sense. It provided a proven design for living and I've seen it work for many.

And then I feel like a fraud, cause if I could work the steps without quitting, I would rather do that. I want a solution to my problems, but I don't think my problems are caused by drugs and alcohol. My problems have been with me my entire life - my thinking - is the problem.

I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I'm really struggling with this denial aspect. I want to get all my excuses in a glass jar and keep them in there.
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:59 AM
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sourbaby, if we are being honest- here is my take:

I don't always have a problem with THE FIRST DRINK. I can drink socially quite fine, most of the time.

Sounds maybe like you have already decided to drink tonight? I hope I'm wrong.

Here I am at 7 and a half months sober. I am very committed to sobriety. That being said, there is still no way- absolutely no way, that I would go to a party where wine-tasting was the theme.
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Old 12-31-2015, 10:00 AM
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Drinking and taking pills can be dangerous.
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Old 12-31-2015, 10:16 AM
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sourbaby, i would encourage ya to read the chapter, "more about alcoholism."

what im reading is some rationalization- ya dont get knee walkin drunk every time so youre not "that much" of an alcoholic.
remove the drinking amount completely and look at the thinking.

if you decide to go, here is someyhing from the bb, which i think this refers to people who have completed the steps:
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.

You will note that we have made an important qualification.Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!



if you go,please!!! have these 3 things:
the right motive
fit spiritual condition
and most impirtantly
an escape route.

can ya access SR from yer phone?


the bb tells us alcohol is but a symptom of much deeper problems. i was a friggin basket case with all the crap rattling around in my head without alcohol.
add alcohol and i was a drunken friggin basket case.

took the alcohol out and was able to use the steps to work on causes and conditions.
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Old 12-31-2015, 10:22 AM
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Yeah, you are definitely struggling with that whole, "I am not enough," thing.

I wouldn't go picking apart a word like "allergy." The Big Book was written 80 years ago and a lot has been discovered about addiction since then. Take that word to mean, "obsession." You definitely have a mental obsession, so deal with that. I believe that to be partly genetic and partly your past. I have the same thing. Some days I could drink one. Some days I couldn't. Since the outcome was not assured I would far rather err on the side of caution and just not get started. Otherwise all the anti-promises come true. (Like Beccybean's post of "playing the tape through.")

This need to be loved is also an obsession and can be healed by loving yourself enough.

I have an exercise for you. Don't overthink it. Just do it. (hah!) Go into the bathroom, close the door. Look into your eyes and say, "I love you. I am sorry. Thank you. Forgive me." Do that every day. It's a small thing with huge rewards. It's called Mirror Work if you want to learn more about it. At some point I would think a full-length mirror would be helpful, since you have body issues.

((hug)) - I have a saying that I say to myself. "Do only that which is good for you." I measure things against that. I also had to look at my need to take a pill to feel better. Some pills are okay for the short term, like NSAIDS or antibiotics. That is all I allow in my body anymore.
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Old 12-31-2015, 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted by sourbaby1986 View Post

"Just go and drink, like a normal person. A little bit of wine never hurt anyone."

SB
WRONG.

Originally Posted by sourbaby1986 View Post
But then again, I'm not all that pleasant to be around sober...
SB
Says who? Your AV?
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Old 12-31-2015, 12:02 PM
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I'm reading this for the first time now. I felt uncomfortable being around strangers and had a huge need to be liked. I was insecure and felt undervalued. I drank to fit in, to relax, to feel good. I didn't always get drunk, or sick, or black out. I could moderate sometimes. But some times when I drank I couldn't stop. And alcohol was always at the back of my mind when I'd go out in the evening or to an event. I'd feel I was missing out.

That described my drinking when I was in my twenties. It got substantially WORSE as time went by. I could have nipped it in the bud back then but I was in for twenty more years of ever increasing craziness. Until I drank every day almost all day. You may be on the fence right now. But you recognize that there is a problem. Back in my twenties, I was an idiot. No one drank like me but I thought I was normal.

Rethink the party. Take care of yourself and work on liking you. People are drawn to others who like themselves. You are likeable. You just have to believe what we know.
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Old 12-31-2015, 12:15 PM
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Maybe it's just the company I found myself in, but every wine tasting I went to involved intoxication for the majority of the participants.

That's why it's not a "craft soda" tasting.

Although alcohol is our accepted inebriant right now, it really is a pretty nasty one. Imagine being asked to a cocaine sampling party (if you're not into that), or a cigar afficianado party (if you're not into that). Beyond the messages we've been told since birth, there really isnt much difference.
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