Support Request: I'm Struggling and Fearful
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Support Request: I'm Struggling and Fearful
On January 11, I'm entering a cutting-edge treatment program that involves IV administration of amino acids to escape addiction by repairing damaged neurotransmitters. The success rate is very high, around 70%. The less you're drinking, the better it works.
I wanted to start immediately but I had Court-mandated obligations to fulfill here. So, the doctor and coach decided that to make the best of this time and prepare for this treatment, I'm doing a medically supervised taper of no more than 1-2 drinks/week. This is so very hard. I do have minor withdrawals and also generalized anxiety being weaned away from my Beloved Booze. Over 6 weeks, I've gone from about 15 units/day down to 7. And I'm not in treatment yet. I suffer both hangovers and withdrawal. Don't be jealous, now! Don't hate on me!
This is tough. I'm in physical and psychological torment. I'm fearful of what life may have in store for me in sobriety. I'm completely moving forward in faith that things are better on the other side of the bridge.
But friends, I have been drinking heavily and daily for 30 of my 49 years. My world is pretty small. Once I'm freed from alcohol, it will be like coming out of a bomb shelter, and facing a scorched earth.
Still, in my heart, I'm excited about life. I want to make my days ahead magical. I'm sure there is greatness in me that I can manifest.
Please talk to me, stay with me, walk with me on this journey. From now until January 11, and then afterwards, as I come out of the bomb shelter and survey what is left of my life.
Any words of encouragement are welcomed.
I wanted to start immediately but I had Court-mandated obligations to fulfill here. So, the doctor and coach decided that to make the best of this time and prepare for this treatment, I'm doing a medically supervised taper of no more than 1-2 drinks/week. This is so very hard. I do have minor withdrawals and also generalized anxiety being weaned away from my Beloved Booze. Over 6 weeks, I've gone from about 15 units/day down to 7. And I'm not in treatment yet. I suffer both hangovers and withdrawal. Don't be jealous, now! Don't hate on me!
This is tough. I'm in physical and psychological torment. I'm fearful of what life may have in store for me in sobriety. I'm completely moving forward in faith that things are better on the other side of the bridge.
But friends, I have been drinking heavily and daily for 30 of my 49 years. My world is pretty small. Once I'm freed from alcohol, it will be like coming out of a bomb shelter, and facing a scorched earth.
Still, in my heart, I'm excited about life. I want to make my days ahead magical. I'm sure there is greatness in me that I can manifest.
Please talk to me, stay with me, walk with me on this journey. From now until January 11, and then afterwards, as I come out of the bomb shelter and survey what is left of my life.
Any words of encouragement are welcomed.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,775
it will be like coming out of a bomb shelter
Stay close to the site. Post and read and soak up the support. You can do this and emerge safely on the other side. It does get better if you stick with it and stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
I thought being sober would be a life sentence to be bored, bleak, and sad.
That's why I drank more than thirty years despite knowing how much I was hurting
myself and others around me.
But really, sobriety is so much richer and happier than I ever thought possible.
There were some hard times craving and wanting old bad habits back,
but over time, that will lessen, and you will grow into your true self
with hard work at recovery and hope.
You can find a wonderful new life sober.
Start a journal now and envision what you want to be, do, and become.
That's the second step to making it happen.
The first is to put down the drink for the last time. . .
That's why I drank more than thirty years despite knowing how much I was hurting
myself and others around me.
But really, sobriety is so much richer and happier than I ever thought possible.
There were some hard times craving and wanting old bad habits back,
but over time, that will lessen, and you will grow into your true self
with hard work at recovery and hope.
You can find a wonderful new life sober.
Start a journal now and envision what you want to be, do, and become.
That's the second step to making it happen.
The first is to put down the drink for the last time. . .
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
agree with the others, every time i've relapsed my world has felt duller and darker. when i first stopped after daily drinking for years, after my health stabilised, the world was much more beautiful and full of possibilities than i ever remembered. wishing you all the best.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Hello Syracuse - I'm over here in the Catskills.
I drank around the same length of time. Especially the last few years, it was always in my system. I became reckless - was always foggy & numb. It wasn't a life, as you've acknowledged. It'll be so great to be free. We are with you.
I drank around the same length of time. Especially the last few years, it was always in my system. I became reckless - was always foggy & numb. It wasn't a life, as you've acknowledged. It'll be so great to be free. We are with you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Welcome! You are among friends who understand. I am excited for you to see the world in a whole new and better way. No, it won't be easy, but it will definitely be worth it!
I would never, ever wish alcoholism on my worst enemy. But sometimes I think we alcoholics who chose to become sober are able to see and appreciate things that perhaps others take for granted. You are in for a beautiful awakening!
I would never, ever wish alcoholism on my worst enemy. But sometimes I think we alcoholics who chose to become sober are able to see and appreciate things that perhaps others take for granted. You are in for a beautiful awakening!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 506
I was trying to find this post from a couple of weeks ago where someone with five years sober said that being sober wasn't about what they gave up but what all they got back. It was a wonderful post, and if I come across it, I will post the link here. But I wanted to tell you now that I am pulling for you and I am excited for you! I am very early in my sobriety, but it is already better than I ever imagined. I am so glad I am giving myself this chance to live a fulfilling life and realize all the beauty in this world. I'm glad you're here. You're among friends : )
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by least 
But it will be beautiful, what you see, not scorched and destroyed.
Stay close to the site. Post and read and soak up the support. You can do this and emerge safely on the other side. It does get better if you stick with it and stay sober.
Stay close to the site. Post and read and soak up the support. You can do this and emerge safely on the other side. It does get better if you stick with it and stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
I'm very curious about "IV administration of amino acids" I read a little about it. I tried various pills to quit smoking. They worked somewhat but I didn't work hard enough to quit.
I assume you will be doing several other things to help you quit. Please keep coming back and posting, especially about the IV treatment. The treatment sounds like an inexpensive alternative to a DWI or a liver transplant At this point I'm willing to try anything if it will boost my chances for success.
I assume you will be doing several other things to help you quit. Please keep coming back and posting, especially about the IV treatment. The treatment sounds like an inexpensive alternative to a DWI or a liver transplant
At this point I'm willing to try anything if it will boost my chances for success.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Originally Posted by chrcarlson
I'm very curious about "IV administration of amino acids" I read a little about it.
I assume you will be doing several other things to help you quit. Please keep coming back and posting, especially about the IV treatment. The treatment sounds like an inexpensive alternative to a DWI or a liver transplant At this point I'm willing to try anything if it will boost my chances for success.
I assume you will be doing several other things to help you quit. Please keep coming back and posting, especially about the IV treatment. The treatment sounds like an inexpensive alternative to a DWI or a liver transplant
At this point I'm willing to try anything if it will boost my chances for success.You bet I'll be doing additional things to quit. The treatment doesn't cure addiction. I'll still have to do everything everybody else does in recovery. If successful, the treatment will in a matter of days restore what usually takes months or years -- my ability to sleep, to experience pleasure, to feel at peace. This greatly improves addicts' ability to do recovery work.
It certainly isn't cheap. It's about twice the cost of a first DWI. Makes perfect financial sense to do it before having another DWI. And when I put a price on my life, my health, my talents, my relationships... My father is 89. I need to travel and spend time with him. No way to put a price on these things.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
And yes, I'll definitely be starting a thread/journal to chronicle my treatment. It won't be medical advice, more like a "treatment travelogue" as I go through a fairly new, alternative treatment which most people don't know about. I feel called to share the experience.
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