Day 5 - Nervous about NYE
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 19
Day 5 - Nervous about NYE
Well after a blackout on Xmas in front of friends and familiy, waking up the next morning not know what really happened, and receiving a lecture from my wife that my kids are noticing me slurring and stumbling I am going to give the sober life a try.
I have been a casual drinker for close to 20 years, mainly drinking on weekends and occassions, but over the last 2 years I have noticed a bad pattern that once I start there is no reason to stop. I used to be a Vodka tonic type but gave up vodka about 2 years as I found myself sucking them down, then moved to just wine and beer, but found a could finis a bottle of wine in no time, and would usually open a second.
So here I am day 5 (I had planned a dry January), about 7 days earlier than planned. My nervousness stems from the annual familiy NYE party at my inlaws where all my brother in laws and me start drinking and dont stop until our wifes tell us the parties over.
I feel like I am withdrawing from my wife and trying to come up with an excuse not to go.......I will probably go and see if I can do it.
Advice?
I have been a casual drinker for close to 20 years, mainly drinking on weekends and occassions, but over the last 2 years I have noticed a bad pattern that once I start there is no reason to stop. I used to be a Vodka tonic type but gave up vodka about 2 years as I found myself sucking them down, then moved to just wine and beer, but found a could finis a bottle of wine in no time, and would usually open a second.
So here I am day 5 (I had planned a dry January), about 7 days earlier than planned. My nervousness stems from the annual familiy NYE party at my inlaws where all my brother in laws and me start drinking and dont stop until our wifes tell us the parties over.
I feel like I am withdrawing from my wife and trying to come up with an excuse not to go.......I will probably go and see if I can do it.
Advice?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Does your wife know you're getting sober? I'd beg off the party, to be honest. You're very early in recovery and it's easy to be tempted to drink when everyone around you is drinking.
Why not stay home and watch a good movie?
Five days sober is a good start.
And remember, if you don't drink, you won't wake up new year's day feeling horrible.
Why not stay home and watch a good movie?
Five days sober is a good start.
And remember, if you don't drink, you won't wake up new year's day feeling horrible. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'd not go and be comfy at home. Explain to your wife that your off switch seems to be broken and you'd be more comfortable with laid back plans this year. Especially since she lectured you after Christmas.
It's telling that the plans include drinking until the wives tell you that the party is over. This is a set up for all out drinking. Give it a pass.
It's telling that the plans include drinking until the wives tell you that the party is over. This is a set up for all out drinking. Give it a pass.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
well normally I don't give advice - just offer my experience.
But since you're asking for advice, mine is "don't go to the party".
You said you came here thinking you'd "give sober life a try".
Going to a NYE party thinking you might give sober a try, just a few days into it, is a recipe for disaster.
I'm two years sober, and I still don't go to NYE parties. Oh, by now I certainly COULD.... I just don't want to.
This year, I'm planning to ask my Lady to go on a hike on NYE in the woods. If we manage to stay up until midnight, our 'ball drop' will be the open sky and the stars and a few quiet words about our hopes for the year ahead. More likely, we'll be in bed at 10pm - because on NY Day I am running (for the third year in a row) a group New Year's Morning run with a big group of friends.
There are many other ways to celebrate new year than at a party and drinking. In fact, as it turns out, there are never-ending fantastic and far more meaningful great ways to celebrate the new year than pouring a poisonous liquid down one's throat with a bunch of other people.
Why not mark YOUR New Year with a New Ritual; one that not only doesn't involve drinking, but also involves something really meaningful to you. You had an embarassing wake up call and your wife has already been 'lecturing' you.
What a fantastic opening to say "Honey.... Kids.... I love you very much, and I love myself. I am not happy with the person I am when I allow alcohol into my life. I'm resolved to change that, and to embrace my life and be the best man I can be, living the most rewarding life I can live - with you. As a part of that resolve, I'd really like to spend New Year's Eve together - with JUST you, the most important people in my life. I would really love it if you'd stand with me in this resolve, and join me to go midnight sledding (or fill in whatever fun, non-drinking, family thing you think best fits your wife and kids".
What do you suppose they'd say to that approach?
How does that idea sit with you?
What do you think it would feel like to wake up on the first day of 2016 having said something like that to your family, having spent the night with them, gotten good sleep and woken to not just a New Year.... But to the potential of a WHOLE. NEW. LIFE???
I can tell you that in my personal experience - that beats the living daylights out of any party you could ever imagine.
But since you're asking for advice, mine is "don't go to the party".
You said you came here thinking you'd "give sober life a try".
Going to a NYE party thinking you might give sober a try, just a few days into it, is a recipe for disaster.
I'm two years sober, and I still don't go to NYE parties. Oh, by now I certainly COULD.... I just don't want to.
This year, I'm planning to ask my Lady to go on a hike on NYE in the woods. If we manage to stay up until midnight, our 'ball drop' will be the open sky and the stars and a few quiet words about our hopes for the year ahead. More likely, we'll be in bed at 10pm - because on NY Day I am running (for the third year in a row) a group New Year's Morning run with a big group of friends.
There are many other ways to celebrate new year than at a party and drinking. In fact, as it turns out, there are never-ending fantastic and far more meaningful great ways to celebrate the new year than pouring a poisonous liquid down one's throat with a bunch of other people.
Why not mark YOUR New Year with a New Ritual; one that not only doesn't involve drinking, but also involves something really meaningful to you. You had an embarassing wake up call and your wife has already been 'lecturing' you.
What a fantastic opening to say "Honey.... Kids.... I love you very much, and I love myself. I am not happy with the person I am when I allow alcohol into my life. I'm resolved to change that, and to embrace my life and be the best man I can be, living the most rewarding life I can live - with you. As a part of that resolve, I'd really like to spend New Year's Eve together - with JUST you, the most important people in my life. I would really love it if you'd stand with me in this resolve, and join me to go midnight sledding (or fill in whatever fun, non-drinking, family thing you think best fits your wife and kids".
What do you suppose they'd say to that approach?
How does that idea sit with you?
What do you think it would feel like to wake up on the first day of 2016 having said something like that to your family, having spent the night with them, gotten good sleep and woken to not just a New Year.... But to the potential of a WHOLE. NEW. LIFE???
I can tell you that in my personal experience - that beats the living daylights out of any party you could ever imagine.
Recoverer of Self
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 297
Hey GolfDad....I'm too am newly sober and just made my apologies today for skipping our yearly NYE party.
See, I'm not too sure I'd get through the party without a drink....and I'd rather give my apologies now for not attending than make my apologies later for my drunken behaviour.
My kids are a bit disappointed....but I'd rather disappoint them with changed plans than with a drunken Mommy.
It's come to a point where I'm so desperate to stay sober that I am willing to give up anything and do whatever it takes.
See, I'm not too sure I'd get through the party without a drink....and I'd rather give my apologies now for not attending than make my apologies later for my drunken behaviour.
My kids are a bit disappointed....but I'd rather disappoint them with changed plans than with a drunken Mommy.
It's come to a point where I'm so desperate to stay sober that I am willing to give up anything and do whatever it takes.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Also another here suggesting you don't go. Surely your wife will be pleased you are taking this seriously and will realize how serious you are if you say you are not going to the party. Ask her - does she want a sober husband or a party with a drunk husband?
There will always be future occasions we have to attend but this, at 6 days sober, isn't one of them. trust me, going to a NYE party at 6 days sober is asking for trouble. No is a valid answer and you don't have to justify it to anyone but be honest with your wife.
In months and years to come you will go, drink soft drinks and have a great time but it takes time
There will always be future occasions we have to attend but this, at 6 days sober, isn't one of them. trust me, going to a NYE party at 6 days sober is asking for trouble. No is a valid answer and you don't have to justify it to anyone but be honest with your wife.
In months and years to come you will go, drink soft drinks and have a great time but it takes time
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
how much do you not want to drink sgain?
if its just a little, go to the party.
if its 50/50 tell your wife and go to the party.
if youre100% comitted tostopping drinking for good, tell your wife and dont go to the party.
theres a chatroom here that will prolly be active NYE
if its just a little, go to the party.
if its 50/50 tell your wife and go to the party.
if youre100% comitted tostopping drinking for good, tell your wife and dont go to the party.
theres a chatroom here that will prolly be active NYE
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by rahrah 
See, I'm not too sure I'd get through the party without a drink....and I'd rather give my apologies now for not attending than make my apologies later for my drunken behaviour.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 469
Welcome! If I were you I'd skip the party until you have a few more weeks if not a month sober under your belt. That would have been too much for me. Anyway you could sit this one out? If not, maybe bring a bottle of non alcoholic champagne?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Golfdad!! 
Tell your wife!! . . . if this is going to be a long term change in your life, she will know sooner or later, trying to make excuses makes things even more stressful when she doesn't know the background.
As for the NYE event, Day 5 is very early to be hoping, wishing, seeing if or intending to make it through anything without drinking, stay clear and make certain of it, there will be many more NYE nights to enjoy in the future, but for now making Sobriety stick should be your sole focus!!
You can to this!!
Tell your wife!! . . . if this is going to be a long term change in your life, she will know sooner or later, trying to make excuses makes things even more stressful when she doesn't know the background.
As for the NYE event, Day 5 is very early to be hoping, wishing, seeing if or intending to make it through anything without drinking, stay clear and make certain of it, there will be many more NYE nights to enjoy in the future, but for now making Sobriety stick should be your sole focus!!
You can to this!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 9
I am day 5 also
I guess the biggest difference is that I am 5 days out of a relapse. I'm not an AA "old timer" by any means.... but I have attend meetings regularly... work "the steps"... and do have SOME experience dealing with sobriety. My biggest advice to you would be... be careful... if you have compulsive tendencies... you might actually have a difficult time abstaining from alcohol...or... you could be an alcoholic... you are FAR TOO EARLY into this to know either way... I have to go to a NYE party tonight also... the ONLY way I can go is to be shuttled in and out and monitored for an hour max... I know that after being there for a few minutes... still sick in sobriety... I will all of a sudden decide that "first drink" is ok... and then it's over again... so I would advise you to be careful tonight and plan ahead. AND DON'T DRINK! no matter what.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 19
Update on NYE. - well due to a major head cold I was able to use that as the excuse to bow out of the family party. I am home alone as my wife and kids went to the i laws for the weekend as planned. Feeling a bit depressed and like I should be with my family and that I am missing out due to my drinking weakness....I hope to fall asleep watching a movie.
@jlssamsara I wish I could get a diagnosis because I never really feel like I need a drink but more when I have a couple it like k once I started why stop and I need to keep going. You mention compulsiveness which could be my problem instead of dependency. I was diagnosed as a child as having adhd so maybe I can manage this knowing I can't start.
If I decided to drink in the past I always need a drink in my hand and my wife described it as being on a mission.
Although I am depressed and missing my family on this special occasion I do believe deep down I would have beaten myself up for giving in and joining in with the party and not having more will power.
Thanks for that insight did anyone else ever feel it was more compulsive than need?
@jlssamsara I wish I could get a diagnosis because I never really feel like I need a drink but more when I have a couple it like k once I started why stop and I need to keep going. You mention compulsiveness which could be my problem instead of dependency. I was diagnosed as a child as having adhd so maybe I can manage this knowing I can't start.
If I decided to drink in the past I always need a drink in my hand and my wife described it as being on a mission.
Although I am depressed and missing my family on this special occasion I do believe deep down I would have beaten myself up for giving in and joining in with the party and not having more will power.
Thanks for that insight did anyone else ever feel it was more compulsive than need?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 9
Hope you feel better!
I can only speak for me... I drank every day after work for about 15 years... I didn't even drink on my 21st birthday... then one day... boom... I realized I couldn't stop... I had no idea why... I sucked it up and took time off to go to rehab... I stayed 14 days... had it all under control... came back out... 2 weeks later... boom... so I got deperate... I figured... why not... let's try an AA meeting on my own... so I went... they say "keep coming back"... I did... and then I started to hear a lot of things that reminded me of myself... then I realized... I am indeed an alcoholic... and we are all the same... we are compulsive by nature... we are also generally highly intelligent... but we work against ourselves because we are generally covering up things that happened during our lives... I would suggest googling AA... go to one... it's easy... they are the most friendly people on the planet... see if you hear anything u relate to... Ull know if ur an alcoholic... plus the strength the group has will help you at least until u get over this hump... if u are an alcoholic... get a sponsor... he will help u get back on track... and its all free
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 9
Ps
U are going through withdrawl... in some cases it can take years to heal... don't get down on yourself right now... it's not a rational evaluation of your circumstance... anxiety and depression are common in early sobriet focus on the things can be grateful for... stay busy... and every time your mind says you should be down... just take it as a miscue... and shift ur thinking to something positive. It will get easier every day
focus on the things can be grateful for... stay busy... and every time your mind says you should be down... just take it as a miscue... and shift ur thinking to something positive. It will get easier every day
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