saoutchik

Way to go Bixie

ccam1973

Good job on making this Day 1 again BB. What's your plan going forward. Until I mapped out a solid plan, I was just setting myself up to fail.

You absolutely can make this change. Dig deep and commit, you can do this.

tursiops999

Hey Bix, good to see you.

Venecia

First and foremost, hugs.

I'm glad you're here, Bix.

What now? Are there changes in your recovery plan? I ask in part because something isn't working. There was a lot of support for you here last evening, and some good tips, but your determination to drink won out. I think that suggests that our community can be a helpful part of your quest but that there needs to be something more.

Have you thought of intensive outpatient? Or inpatient? Some AA meetings?

Take good care. I'm sure today is a little painful but you know what? It's still a new day. And new days are inherently hopeful.

BixBees505

Thanks. I'm done with it.

I did not have a good reason. There are no good reasons.

Today. Well, you can imagine how delightful I feel. How well worth the risk and illness it was. How glad I am that I spent my time and money that way.

I had a plan. My plan was to not drink...unless I really really wanted to. Oh and a lot of lovely self care and trigger management was in my plan, too. Surfing. Anxiety reduction exercises. It was all in there.

I am being sarcastic, but only at myself. What use is a plan to someone who doesn't really, at brass tacks, believe they need one?

I am glad I get another chance, the luxury to start again.

hpdw

Thank you all for the wisdom shared in this thread . BixBees505 I wish you well .

Dee74

Welcome back BB

D

tomsteve

do you feel you need a plan now?
one better than unless you really want to?

i would never have gotten sober if that was my plan.

and im not being sarcastic, just honest.

BixBees505

Yeah, I need a plan. And I think my plan is good. Planning is extremely important, but Acceptance is what I lacked. This is why I chose to pull up and use this thread from January to record these events. I evidently wasn't convinced then.

BixBees505

I hope it doesn't become too boring and single dimensional. But I want to simple count my days here. Sometimes make an observation. This thread captured my frustrated mental struggle. The wise intelligent sincere wisdom and thoughts that were offered. Very special.

I don't plan to clutter it up.

Dee74

Talking about your recovery is not cluttering anything up Bix

The more detailed plan you have the better. Lots of good ideas here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

BixBees505

Thanks Dee. I will review and revise my planning with a colder eye. Link always appropriate and appreciated.

Day 2.

Melina

Super mega hugs, Bixxy! You got this

BixBees505

Thx, Melina...you can sure brighten a moment.

I started a paper sober journal yesterday. Things I can't/shouldn't share in detail on a public forum. I have never admitted to myself some of this. Never looked it straight on.

So. Onward.

Melina

I can understand wanting to face some of the things that we've drank over. I guess that's why they have the 4th and 5th step in AA. Heavy stuff.

I hope you take it easy on yourself as sick as you are, and get rest. The demons will be there later, lol.

I hope you find some solace by purging and documenting. But remember it's also good to practice self care right now as if you were taking care of a newborn- bathe, sleep, feed, sleep sleep sleep.

Bc you're dealing with being sick and a hangover. That's rough enough. Don't over do it, ok, I say that gently not as an order.

Xoxo

Delilah1

Welcome back Bixbee! I have had many day ones as well, and on NYE had my last drink. I have a little more than four and a half months sober now and logging in here daily has been the biggest part of my plan, especially the January class. Have you joined the May class yet? Having people at the same point in their sobriety journey definitely helps.

Looking forward to seeing you on here!

BixBees505

Been looking at my calendar, past entries. I see a pattern. No S### Sherlock, that is me. After being sober and occupied and relatively stress-free over a weekend...I lose my mind on Monday afternoons. Not every Monday, of course. (Thankfully.) But when I have gone bat-guano nuts, it has usually been a Monday afternoon.

No more. This isn't magic. I am not developing a superstition or carrying a rabbit's foot for luck. I am just saying I am ready for next Monday.

It is the thinking over the weekend (and all days) that has to change. I'm not hanging on, getting through this or that event, showing someone that I'm not drinking, that I have it under control. I'm not waiting for my next really good chance to drink, nor to show anyone that I'm not drinking, nor trying to prove I can drink "well". I'm done. I don't drink.

BixBees505

Day 3.

Behappy1

BB - I'm right there with you. Let's do this. Tons of useful info on this thread. I spent all of yesterday beating myself up for another day 1. I was doing so well too. No real reason to drink other than to prove to myself that I can. I had no plans to drink that day. None - but I did. This proved to me that I have more work to do to address those fleeting moments when the urge hits very strongly.

You're not alone -

BixBees505

Thx for encouragement, BeHappy...we can do this! SR is full of people who have.