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Two weeks - but this is too hard...

Old 01-02-2016, 10:57 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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You are all wonderful and I am so happy for those of you who are on your desired path.

I don't think I am ready for this. I think I'm going to start drinking again. There is just too much illness and trauma for me to deal with at the moment - I can't bear to lose my final security blanket. The one sanctuary I had. Aside from that, it's just people jumping down my throat, harassing me, forcing me to do things I don't want to do. Take medication, but don't take too much, go to hospital, don't drink, work, don't work, follow your heart, STOP following your heart...

I just want something that's just for me. Some space for the world to come back. I am the best judge of my own condition. I want to be able to do whatever I want. Then I can pick up the pieces later.

I'm just not sure abstinence is right for me. Thanks for all the kindness and advice. Maybe one day it will make more sense!
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Old 01-02-2016, 11:20 PM
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I think you really need to understand that drinking never solves the problem, just puts it off and creates more problems. I know for me personally it took me years to admit I had a problem with drinking. I always tried to justify it, minimize it, that it really wasn't that bad. Truth was it never did help to drink, sure it numbed the feelings for a bit, but then it became the major problem. I used to live to drink, then soon enough I was so addicted that I had to drink to live. Let alone the drug interactions of taking meds for bipolar and alcohol, which can be dangerously fatal. I finally came to the final decision after the last time at the hospital after a binge I needed to stop. Because it was well beyond my will power, or ability to drink moderately. I was simply sick and tired of being sick and tired... But you have to make that choice.
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Old 01-02-2016, 11:28 PM
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It seems to other people that you are reaching out asking for help and advice. That goes for the people you meet on SR and in real life in Perth. When people encourage you to accept medical help you interpret this as people forcing you to do things you don't want to do.

Previously when you have got drunk it has set off a series of bad consequences including a broken arm. If you drink again now, rather than providing a respite from all the anxiety associated with ill health and injury it will make it worse.

We know about abstinence because we are trying it out. It is not easy but the consequences of drinking were worse.
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Old 01-03-2016, 12:24 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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If you are bi-polar you likely already have a baseline mood-swing thing going on. Alcohol will enhance that... Which- sounds like you enjoy being manic-but the down side of mania?? No thanks!! What goes up must come down...
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Old 01-03-2016, 01:56 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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No offence but that is pure AV your alcoholic no normal person talks about alcohol like this try to remain calm
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Old 01-03-2016, 02:05 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Steps1 View Post
You are all wonderful and I am so happy for those of you who are on your desired path.

I don't think I am ready for this. I think I'm going to start drinking again. There is just too much illness and trauma for me to deal with at the moment - I can't bear to lose my final security blanket. The one sanctuary I had. Aside from that, it's just people jumping down my throat, harassing me, forcing me to do things I don't want to do. Take medication, but don't take too much, go to hospital, don't drink, work, don't work, follow your heart, STOP following your heart...

I just want something that's just for me. Some space for the world to come back. I am the best judge of my own condition. I want to be able to do whatever I want. Then I can pick up the pieces later.

I'm just not sure abstinence is right for me. Thanks for all the kindness and advice. Maybe one day it will make more sense!
The problem is the longer you stay drinking the worse all this stuff gets.

Honestly - I'm not trying to scare you - we get more and more dependent and the anxieties we have already are then compounded by the anxieties we have when we're not drunk.

Whatever the things are in your past it's better to face them now than in 20 or 30 years.

You'll see post after post of people saying 'I wish I quit decades ago'. That's not a coincidence.

Fear is ruling you right now - fear that things will always be this way, fear that you won't be able to handle it, fear that without booze your past is going to swamp you.

I won't lie - it's difficult for a little while - but no more difficult than trying to juggle drinking.

The fear of getting sober was MUCH much worse than the reality

It will get better - noone would stay sober if it didn't , man

Whatever rough patches you might hit, you have support here and you're not alone.

There's really no better time to do this than now.

Don't throw in the towel now
D
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Old 01-03-2016, 06:34 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Ok here we go... day 1 again. Feeling pretty good about it right now while I'm hungover, not looking forward to the afternoon when the urge creeps in. I hope i can sleep tonight.
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