FreeOwl

If I were you, I'd grab onto sobriety with everything I had, and build a much better life.

Shame and guilt are the tools of addiction. Our addictive minds use them to drive us right back into the bottle.

Let go of the shame and guilt and recognize that YOU are not what you did.

It sucks, but it was your drunken, addicted personality that did all that crap. If you never want to be that person again, you don't have to.

I have done all sorts of awful, shameful things..... but I'm not those things and two years sober, I am not guilty or ashamed. I am happy and proud and strong and free.

You can be, too.

Haydayolive19

Yes they were drink related troubles. This has been an ongoing issue in my life for the past 3 years now. I can't let it control me any longer, not even for another day.

JD

Moving from it, wishing for it, and talking about it isn't going to make it happen. Are you ready to do the work? It's simple in concept, but hard in practice. Just don't have that first drink.

There's a lot of support here but you have to take that first step.

Haydayolive19

I realize its not going to be easy. Its like digging a hole so deep that you soon realize you're gonna have to claw your way out. I've tried in the past as I mentioned, but the stakes have never been higher. I've burned a lot of bridges over the years and I'm close to losing my family now. They motivate me. I'm a very needy person, as I lead with my heart. If I didn't have the love of my family I would be nothing, have nothing, etc. I have put them through a lot of pain and sorrow. If I have to experience the same feelings to be sober again, I'll do it. I would do anything to smile again with my family.

Fortheloveofdog

My family is my primary motivator too, I love them so much and have felt tremendous guilt and shame for the ways I've let them down. But I'm realizing that motivation is not the same as a plan and I've had to make this about me: why do I use alcohol, what am I going to do when I want to drink again? The only way to the big goal of being the person my family (and I) deserve is step by step. What do you think your next steps will be?

Haydayolive19

Also thank you for sharing your wisdom with me. I've never been successful in staying sober, so I appreciate the advice.

Haydayolive19

To be completely honest, I don't know. I'm just as lost as I was yesterday and the day before.

I am proud to say that I haven't touched a drop since the Christmas incident. But I realize that's not enough. I need a plan of action.

Only trouble is idk where to start.

Mags1

Hi Haydayolive, welcome to SR.

I always had many regrets after drinking, apologetic but I always started again. My resolve didn't last. It can though with the correct tools to know how to deal with the cravings etc.

If you really want this you can do it. This site was my help day and night. It felt good to be amongst people who understood, had experienced what I was going through.

Welcome aboard!

JD

Here's a good place to start, http://store.samhsa.gov/product/Action-Planning-for-Prevention-and-Recovery-A-Self-Help-Guide/SMA-3720

BeanieBaby

Your story rang true to me - it's a horrible feeling to let your family and loved ones down with behavior that you don't even understand. I also tend to sabatoge myself with bad decisions just when I feeling good. I believe this can be tied to low self esteem and feeling that we're not worthy of happiness. Which we do deserve. I think learning to love yourself is a basic must to gain sobriety - so then you can give your best to others.

Mountainmanbob

That's true in a way FreeOwl but, shame and guilt can also at times bring one to a true point of repentance. Once one has truly repented they should never wish to repeat the same sins.

I was so shamed after my last two relapses that for a long time I was embarrassed to drive down the old dirt road.
As I look back now it was good for me.
Very, very humbling.
Being humble is usually a great start on a sober life.

For one must be totally deflated.
Total deflation was the original AA first Step (there were 6 Steps in AA's beginning.)

Yes, my sins were heavy when drinking and using.

Not saying that I don't still sin today
but
things have improved much.



M-Bob

Anna

It's important that you use the guilt to learn, to change and to never allow such a situation to happen again. The shame however, is destructive and the disease of alcoholism feeds on the destruction. Shame can keep you drinking, keep you in the horrible cycle of addiction, far longer than you need to be. As hard as it is, take that first step and believe that you can manage the feelings and move forward with your life.

rahrah

Ah!!! My heart breaks for you! I know your pain and your story all too well....been there...done that (and then some!) Hang in there...the grief WILL dissipate...try hard not to add to it by staying sober...it can get better!
Stay strong!

Haydayolive19

So I've been struggling with the fact that my coworkers know about my problem now, not only the problem but the assault of my boyfriend.

I know that my main concern should be about my recovery and not the judgments of my peers. But I use to find refuge in going to a place (work) everyday where I could leave my troubles behind for the day. Where nobody knew about my issues and I could be seen as a human being and not a drunk. I feel like everbody is staring at me with a look of disgust. Idk it just stresses me out. It makes me wanna run and hide. Especially if someone approaches me about it. Idk what to say to them. Then again it could be all in my head.

Anybody gone through similar scenarios? Any advice?

bluedog97

Yes, I've always been told much of it is in my head. My first piece of advice is to quit drinking.

ru12

If you don't want your coworkers to treat you like a drunk... Stop being a drunk.

Look, assaulting someone could land you in jail. Assaulting the driver of the car in which you are riding could land you in the morgue. You need to do whatever you have to do to insure that NEVER happens again. And it starts by NEVER drinking alcohol again, for any reason. There are lots of ways to learn how to manage your life without drinking e.g. AA, SMART, Rational Recovery... Do something before this gets worse because it will if you don't stop drinking.

Fly N Buy

Alcoholics have to be pretty badly mangled before we seek help. I had to hit my head hard enough to wake me up - some aren't as fortunate and the end result is a lot worse than hurt feelings. Geographic cures never worked for me as the problem was an inside job. I couldn't move away from me..........

For many we work a program of recovery with daily meetings. This leads us down a path where we learn how to clean up the wreckage of our past, not stay in the muck and move forward.

SR is full of understanding and compassionate people. You'll find comfort as you decide on a plan of recovery. For the first 30 days my only focus was just not drinking - staying sober. The rest had to wait. I cannot clean up anything with the mushy brain that caused the problems in the first place. Sober time started making amends to my loved ones, words were fruitless.

Keep coming back- breathe, don't drink and seek whatever supported is needed friend

MaidenNZ

The best use of your time would be to put your energy into the solution not the mistake

rahrah

I cannot count the amount of times ....after getting drunk AGAIN at an office party....that I had to crawl back into work the next day being 'THAT GIRL' .... it's horribly demoralizing ...it rips you apart...the whispers, the snickers, the disgusted looks, the looks of pity...being ignored, being reprimanded, being fired. I know it all too well...but I tell ya...you've got to hang in there.
Whatever you do...don't let your pride mess with you and take over and make you ignore your problem....do WHATEVER it takes to get sober first and the rest will follow.

Incontrol15

The biggest advice I can give, is to not be the person they think you are any more. Stop the madness.

Time cures everything. Unless the record is broken of course!