Class of December 2015 Pt 3
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
Bluejay enjoy your nature walk! That sounds fantastic. I would love to do that today, but I'm too much of a wuss to brave the cold. 
My kids are asking to go see Star Wars again (on their dime) so looks like we will do that this afternoon.
Got some bread started and we need to take down the tree first. Glad the day is shaping up with plans.
My kids are asking to go see Star Wars again (on their dime) so looks like we will do that this afternoon.
Got some bread started and we need to take down the tree first. Glad the day is shaping up with plans.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Thx for your kind words U.
Max and JL, hugs to you both.
I just had flashes of shame and embarrassment for my behavior during my drunk 3 nights ago. I am 38 years old and acting like a child that needs taking care of. I didn't drive, but given my past propensity to drive after drinking I consider that a random coincidence. I seem to have escaped any conversation about it with friend and dad (2 people I called while tipsy) and really don't know if they didn't notice, or if they just both choose to not say anything.) I don't know what is worse, them knowing and not saying anything, or them not knowing I was in an altered obviously crying out for help state. I feel ashamed that I know deep down that I'm alcoholic, but then go out and order a beer like I'm a normie.
Wondering if anyone else is beating themselves up like I am. Day 3. I'm hoping sharing this here will help the voices in my head STFU.
Max and JL, hugs to you both.
I just had flashes of shame and embarrassment for my behavior during my drunk 3 nights ago. I am 38 years old and acting like a child that needs taking care of. I didn't drive, but given my past propensity to drive after drinking I consider that a random coincidence. I seem to have escaped any conversation about it with friend and dad (2 people I called while tipsy) and really don't know if they didn't notice, or if they just both choose to not say anything.) I don't know what is worse, them knowing and not saying anything, or them not knowing I was in an altered obviously crying out for help state. I feel ashamed that I know deep down that I'm alcoholic, but then go out and order a beer like I'm a normie.
Wondering if anyone else is beating themselves up like I am. Day 3. I'm hoping sharing this here will help the voices in my head STFU.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: NW UK
Posts: 164
Hey Kitty, I've still avoided going out to an area near where I live since my last bender as I'm so embarrassed and nervous about what people saw. I have some brief flashes in my mind about what a state I was in and that has been enough to fill me with dread! I'm starting to feel the fear less now and will show my face again when I get home. Like everything, the fear will pass, but my resolve to work at my recovery needs to be an ongoing, evolving process. I hope you start to feel better soon and just do your best one day at a time.
I've decided I'm going to skip the bowling tonight, it's at a bar I've had some very drunken nights in the past so have decided even if there was no temptation to drink, I'd most likely feel uncomfortable. It's very early days for me so I decided it's best to keep safe tonight.
Have a lovely day/night all.
I've decided I'm going to skip the bowling tonight, it's at a bar I've had some very drunken nights in the past so have decided even if there was no temptation to drink, I'd most likely feel uncomfortable. It's very early days for me so I decided it's best to keep safe tonight.
Have a lovely day/night all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Alberta
Posts: 48
Hi Kittycat. On the 22nd or 23rd I accidentally bumped my phone that was sitting on the couch beside me and it phoned my aunt and uncle, and I could hear this 'hello? hello?'...I wanted to hang up because I had been drinking and I didn't know how clearly I would be able to talk, but I knew that if I did that they would really wonder if everything was okay with me. So I tried my best not to sound sloshed and laughed about the 'pocket dialing' with them. I haven't spoken to them since but I am cringing inside that I really did sound sloshed to them. I was such a closet alcoholic and when I drank I would not answer the phone if anyone called because I knew I would be slurring my words. So at some point soon I will have to face them, and always wonder if they know...but I am not going to beat myself up about it because I am doing my best NOW to get sober and healthy in my mind, and I can't change the past.
So please don't be so hard on yourself. If they did notice I am sure they would just have concern for you, if anything. They probably wouldn't shame you about it, so try not to do that to yourself.
So please don't be so hard on yourself. If they did notice I am sure they would just have concern for you, if anything. They probably wouldn't shame you about it, so try not to do that to yourself.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
Brach sounds like a good decision to skip it. Sounds like you have lots of fun planned for after the bowling.
Kitty, I try not to let myself think too much about the embarrassing things I've done ans said. It's a bit overwhelming when I let my mind go there. I can't go back and change it so I focus on the future. I am a drunk dialer, texter, fb'er oh my the shame. My parents never ever mention my drinking. Sometimes I've wished they would just confront me about it! I've talked to my Dad about it, he just pushes it under the rug. He actually told me about a year ago to never go to AA. He is very religious and expects for me to deal with it by going back to church.
...... anyway, the point is I totally know where you are coming from. Things will start to look up the longer you are sober, keep pushing through!
Kitty, I try not to let myself think too much about the embarrassing things I've done ans said. It's a bit overwhelming when I let my mind go there. I can't go back and change it so I focus on the future. I am a drunk dialer, texter, fb'er oh my the shame. My parents never ever mention my drinking. Sometimes I've wished they would just confront me about it! I've talked to my Dad about it, he just pushes it under the rug. He actually told me about a year ago to never go to AA. He is very religious and expects for me to deal with it by going back to church.
...... anyway, the point is I totally know where you are coming from. Things will start to look up the longer you are sober, keep pushing through!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by kittycat3 
Thx for your kind words U.
Max and JL, hugs to you both.
I just had flashes of shame and embarrassment for my behavior during my drunk 3 nights ago. I am 38 years old and acting like a child that needs taking care of. I didn't drive, but given my past propensity to drive after drinking I consider that a random coincidence. I seem to have escaped any conversation about it with friend and dad (2 people I called while tipsy) and really don't know if they didn't notice, or if they just both choose to not say anything.) I don't know what is worse, them knowing and not saying anything, or them not knowing I was in an altered obviously crying out for help state. I feel ashamed that I know deep down that I'm alcoholic, but then go out and order a beer like I'm a normie.
Wondering if anyone else is beating themselves up like I am. Day 3. I'm hoping sharing this here will help the voices in my head STFU.
Max and JL, hugs to you both.
I just had flashes of shame and embarrassment for my behavior during my drunk 3 nights ago. I am 38 years old and acting like a child that needs taking care of. I didn't drive, but given my past propensity to drive after drinking I consider that a random coincidence. I seem to have escaped any conversation about it with friend and dad (2 people I called while tipsy) and really don't know if they didn't notice, or if they just both choose to not say anything.) I don't know what is worse, them knowing and not saying anything, or them not knowing I was in an altered obviously crying out for help state. I feel ashamed that I know deep down that I'm alcoholic, but then go out and order a beer like I'm a normie.
Wondering if anyone else is beating themselves up like I am. Day 3. I'm hoping sharing this here will help the voices in my head STFU.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 741
Day 4 for me. I've been getting rest and preparing myself for a fresh start on many fronts. I have to take time to remind myself to take baby steps so that I don't get overwhelmed. I can already tell that patience will be something that I will need to work on.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by BobbyLight
Hey KittyCat, I'm on the same boat as you, so you're not alone. I find right now that getting a bit or exercise, hitting these forums, meetings, and keeping a journal for when I don't want to talk to anyone but myself helps. We all make mistakes and it takes courage to change. All the best
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Maximus,
What I've found, just today is that since I've reached out to some ppl,
There are a whole passel of folks who have some agonizing stuff going on.
Maybe the holidays make us more sensitive, since we don't have Charlie Brown Holidays like I thought when I watched it as a kid.
You don't feel like it, I'm sure, but you are a rock for those kids and grand babies.
I'd like to yearn for the life that the " old days" are remembered for.
Take heart, ma'am.
You are " the good old days" that those children and grandchildren are gonna remember.
You are a blessing to them.
What I've found, just today is that since I've reached out to some ppl,
There are a whole passel of folks who have some agonizing stuff going on.
Maybe the holidays make us more sensitive, since we don't have Charlie Brown Holidays like I thought when I watched it as a kid.
You don't feel like it, I'm sure, but you are a rock for those kids and grand babies.
I'd like to yearn for the life that the " old days" are remembered for.
Take heart, ma'am.
You are " the good old days" that those children and grandchildren are gonna remember.
You are a blessing to them.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
Thank you SO much JL for your post. It brought tears to my eyes, as I read it. I truly hope Im remembered fondly, with happy memories for them all.
I hope you and your family are doing better. Yes, Im sure theres alot of folks out there, going thru trials and hard times. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Have a happy new years JL. And everyone at SR too.
I hope you and your family are doing better. Yes, Im sure theres alot of folks out there, going thru trials and hard times. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Have a happy new years JL. And everyone at SR too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Bluejay, I have had that happen to me today, and isn't it just the best feeling of relief???
Well, my AV is starting to chatter. I went to the grocery store and bought some food and a twelve pack of beer for my guests. I intentionally bought a brand that I don't really like very much. But it got my mind going. And I paid attention to my thoughts...and what was it that I wanted???? I don't really want to drink with these people, they aren't friends I typically drink with, they are actually my daughters' friends parents. And, as I've mentioned, I really do prefer to drink alone, so social pressure isn't a big deal for me. To the point where I'd be more likely to say no in public (for no good reason, no one knows I have a problem) and then sneak some off into my bedroom. And then it dawned on me...I think a big part of drinking that I have come to enjoy is the the idea of "getting away with it", of having a secret, of being reckless...while everyone else considers me so responsible. The secrecy of it all, quite honestly, gives me a thrill.
Also, some of you were discussing embarrassing behavior while drinking. I thought about it and I have certainly made some poor choices over the years while drinking and acted silly in my younger days. But the past decade or so of my drinking, I am extra cautious. I make a point of not texting while I'm drinking, not saying a peep on FB unless I'm totally sober, and NO PHONE CALLS. It's almost like I do it to protect my drinking, because I know if I start embarrassing myself it will make my problem less private, and therefore quitting more imminent.
Sorry if this is a ramble (I forget the acronym we named it a week or so ago) But I want to understand my drinking patterns and behaviors more honestly so I can prepare for and see through my addictive voice.
Kind of can't wait for this night to be over....
Well, my AV is starting to chatter. I went to the grocery store and bought some food and a twelve pack of beer for my guests. I intentionally bought a brand that I don't really like very much. But it got my mind going. And I paid attention to my thoughts...and what was it that I wanted???? I don't really want to drink with these people, they aren't friends I typically drink with, they are actually my daughters' friends parents. And, as I've mentioned, I really do prefer to drink alone, so social pressure isn't a big deal for me. To the point where I'd be more likely to say no in public (for no good reason, no one knows I have a problem) and then sneak some off into my bedroom. And then it dawned on me...I think a big part of drinking that I have come to enjoy is the the idea of "getting away with it", of having a secret, of being reckless...while everyone else considers me so responsible. The secrecy of it all, quite honestly, gives me a thrill.
Also, some of you were discussing embarrassing behavior while drinking. I thought about it and I have certainly made some poor choices over the years while drinking and acted silly in my younger days. But the past decade or so of my drinking, I am extra cautious. I make a point of not texting while I'm drinking, not saying a peep on FB unless I'm totally sober, and NO PHONE CALLS. It's almost like I do it to protect my drinking, because I know if I start embarrassing myself it will make my problem less private, and therefore quitting more imminent.
Sorry if this is a ramble (I forget the acronym we named it a week or so ago
) But I want to understand my drinking patterns and behaviors more honestly so I can prepare for and see through my addictive voice. Kind of can't wait for this night to be over....
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