kellygurl1711

Hey guys. So, my new sobriety date is Nov 18th 2015. before that i had a year and a half sober. now having just over a month clean again my alcohol cravings are quite strong. I want to drink. the only things stopping me from drinking are: 1) My therapist who i respect greatly said she wouldn't work with me if i drank again, and 2) I'm starting school for addictions counseling in the spring. I need to be sober to be able to help people like myself. My addict brain says **** it all and just drink! I know if I drink Ill lose everything important to me and it'll only push people away. It's a strong internal struggle. So, I guess I'm just looking for some words of encouragement, or maybe some of you are going through a similar situation?

least

Glad you're back trying again. You will succeed when you want to be sober more than you want to drink.

kellygurl1711

That's what I'm afraid of....

2muchpain

Sadly, people have given up everything they hold dear to them just for a drink. They lose families, jobs, their home, etc., and all too often, their lives. In your case, losing a good therapist (hard to find) and a new career that I'm sure you have worked hard for. Your AV is working very hard to take that away from you. Remember, it's only goal is to take everything away from you. That's all it cares about. Sounds like it's time for you to show your AV who's the boss and who's in charge!! You can do this. John

Inchworm

It's hard to stay sober when we flip flop, isn't it. Keep your eyes on the prize, Kelly.

Anna

Do you mean that you are not fully motivated to stop drinking? Because if you are, recovery will not work. I needed one hundred percent motivation in order to recover. Why did you decide to drink after a year and a half sober?

Dee74

Hi Kellygurl

I think the best thing I ever learned was that cravings won;t kill me, they do go away and I don't have to do what they tell me to do.

There are some great cravings tips here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

What is your recovery plan like - do you have much support, people to talk to?
do you have a plan for when you're feeling wobbly like this?

D

kellygurl1711

in short, i drank again because i wanted to.
long story: i deal with self harm. this october i had some time self harm free and i cut again after feelings of worthlessness crept in. i felt so guilty for self harming again that i said f it all and i drank. i didnt feel any guilt or remorse for drinking again until it started pushing everyone i care about away from me. so i quit drinking again when it became clear that i would lose the therapy thats pretty much saving my life. i guess its saving me in this way too by keeping me away from the drink. i just would be heartbroken if my therapist let me go, which would lead to even more spiraling down the dark path of alcoholism and self abuse.

kellygurl1711

i have tons of support from my AA family, and my therapist. my biological family can be wishy washy when it comes to support that i need. i dont think they know what to say. thanks for the tips for cravings! yesterday i was craving so badly that it felt like i was being choked! does that make any sense? it was such an uncomfortable feeling! i know i can get through this because i've done it before. this time feels different tho because there's still a part of me that wants to drink. when i got sober the first time i didn't want to drink again...until a little later when my relapse happened anyway..

Dee74

I remember feeling that way too Kelly, but you can absolutely do this

D