Two years ago...
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Two years ago...
It seemed like it would never really be possible.
It felt like I was backed into a corner... I HAD to be sober. Never drink again. An overwhelming possibility.
Two years later, I've been sober that whole time. Hasn't been easy, but it's been pretty simple. I no longer HAVE to be sober.... I WANT to be. Some days it's still not easy. But it's still pretty simple. The hard moments are fewer, further between, easier to deal with now. I have a foundation beneath me. I feel stronger. I feel better about sobriety. It deepens every day.
I did it with:
AA - not all the time, but certainly a lot of intense focus in the first year... and still involved today, when I feel called. Went this morning to get my 2 year coin. It felt good to be with my home group. To get the hugs and smiles and pats on the back. To look back over all the ground I've covered.
SoberRecovery - I'm here almost daily, at least poking in to read. Sometimes more involved than others. But this is a source of renewing my choice of sobriety whenever I need a little 'dose' of my reasons why, my commitment, my community.
Counseling - really working on myself, individual counseling, family/couples counseling, men's group work. Not all the time. Not constantly - but consistently. Recognizing that underneath my drinking and drugging was a lot of emotion, a lot of trauma, a lot of life pushed down and repressed and blotted out. Working on allowing myself to feel and to explore within and to come to terms with and - sometimes - just to let myself feel lousy because that's part of life, too. Really cultivating my whole Self - mind, body, spirit.
And speaking of spirit - for me it wasn't a daily dose of "God". It's not Christianity or even an ever-present conscious focus on a "Higher Power". But - it HAS been a general faith that there is something more. An acknowledgement of the fact that outside of me, there is something more than me. It's the fact that I cannot will the sun NOT to rise. It's the feelings I've had at key moments of my life, when I've opened my heart and my mind (usually in the presence of nature) enough to FEEL that something larger, that something 'out there', that something connecting all things and all people. It's at least the open-door of willingness to accept that I'm not in control of it all and that just maybe this mysterious something else could help me not only stay sober but be the best I can be on this liferide. It's sometimes even 'praying'. It's sometimes just saying "please help me" in the morning and "thank you" at night. It's saying out loud "I don't know what to call it, but I believe it's there...". It's standing atop a desert bluff after 5 days of fasting and asking forgiveness at sunset aloud.... and having a sudden wind carry the ashes of my regrets away in response after a day of stillness. It's the feeling of delivering my children into the world.... it's the power of the sea and the endlessness of the night skies. It is just shedding myself of the obstinate, ignorant, cynical mind that says "there IS NO GOD" and simply allowing for the possibility that something beyond my own little head's comprehension may in fact be operating in my life - and everyone else's.
Exercise - there is no better anti-depressant for me than vigorous exercise. Committing to sobriety is recommitting to LIFE itself. And I want to commit to 100 years on this liferide. I don't know my fate, but I can commit to that 100 years regardless. And to do that, to do it really vigorously, means to care for my body. Fitness is a key part of that. Walking, hiking, running, the gym, surfing, skiing, biking, martial arts. These are some of the ways I support my commitment to sobriety and to life.
Creativity - expressing myself in creativity. Music. Writing. Drawing. Trying new ways of expression.
SERVICE - helping out at the detox unit. Going to AA meetings to share my experience. Volunteering in the community. Participating here at SR. GIVING WHAT I CAN INTO THE FLOW OF LIFE!!! That is a reward to the world and a 'giveback' to oneself all at once. And it helps stay sober, but more than that, it helps enrich life.
Fatherhood, relationship, family - a focus on being the best that I can be in my most important relationships.
These are some of the things that have helped me get sober, stay sober and deepen my sobriety and my life.
For me, it hasn't been any one thing, but a series of interwoven, balancing, ever-shifting things that amount to learning how to LIVE as fully, as deeply, with as much love and presence as I am able. Sobriety is a means to an end...... not the end itself.
Thank you all for your help in my journey.
It felt like I was backed into a corner... I HAD to be sober. Never drink again. An overwhelming possibility.
Two years later, I've been sober that whole time. Hasn't been easy, but it's been pretty simple. I no longer HAVE to be sober.... I WANT to be. Some days it's still not easy. But it's still pretty simple. The hard moments are fewer, further between, easier to deal with now. I have a foundation beneath me. I feel stronger. I feel better about sobriety. It deepens every day.
I did it with:
AA - not all the time, but certainly a lot of intense focus in the first year... and still involved today, when I feel called. Went this morning to get my 2 year coin. It felt good to be with my home group. To get the hugs and smiles and pats on the back. To look back over all the ground I've covered.
SoberRecovery - I'm here almost daily, at least poking in to read. Sometimes more involved than others. But this is a source of renewing my choice of sobriety whenever I need a little 'dose' of my reasons why, my commitment, my community.
Counseling - really working on myself, individual counseling, family/couples counseling, men's group work. Not all the time. Not constantly - but consistently. Recognizing that underneath my drinking and drugging was a lot of emotion, a lot of trauma, a lot of life pushed down and repressed and blotted out. Working on allowing myself to feel and to explore within and to come to terms with and - sometimes - just to let myself feel lousy because that's part of life, too. Really cultivating my whole Self - mind, body, spirit.
And speaking of spirit - for me it wasn't a daily dose of "God". It's not Christianity or even an ever-present conscious focus on a "Higher Power". But - it HAS been a general faith that there is something more. An acknowledgement of the fact that outside of me, there is something more than me. It's the fact that I cannot will the sun NOT to rise. It's the feelings I've had at key moments of my life, when I've opened my heart and my mind (usually in the presence of nature) enough to FEEL that something larger, that something 'out there', that something connecting all things and all people. It's at least the open-door of willingness to accept that I'm not in control of it all and that just maybe this mysterious something else could help me not only stay sober but be the best I can be on this liferide. It's sometimes even 'praying'. It's sometimes just saying "please help me" in the morning and "thank you" at night. It's saying out loud "I don't know what to call it, but I believe it's there...". It's standing atop a desert bluff after 5 days of fasting and asking forgiveness at sunset aloud.... and having a sudden wind carry the ashes of my regrets away in response after a day of stillness. It's the feeling of delivering my children into the world.... it's the power of the sea and the endlessness of the night skies. It is just shedding myself of the obstinate, ignorant, cynical mind that says "there IS NO GOD" and simply allowing for the possibility that something beyond my own little head's comprehension may in fact be operating in my life - and everyone else's.
Exercise - there is no better anti-depressant for me than vigorous exercise. Committing to sobriety is recommitting to LIFE itself. And I want to commit to 100 years on this liferide. I don't know my fate, but I can commit to that 100 years regardless. And to do that, to do it really vigorously, means to care for my body. Fitness is a key part of that. Walking, hiking, running, the gym, surfing, skiing, biking, martial arts. These are some of the ways I support my commitment to sobriety and to life.
Creativity - expressing myself in creativity. Music. Writing. Drawing. Trying new ways of expression.
SERVICE - helping out at the detox unit. Going to AA meetings to share my experience. Volunteering in the community. Participating here at SR. GIVING WHAT I CAN INTO THE FLOW OF LIFE!!! That is a reward to the world and a 'giveback' to oneself all at once. And it helps stay sober, but more than that, it helps enrich life.
Fatherhood, relationship, family - a focus on being the best that I can be in my most important relationships.
These are some of the things that have helped me get sober, stay sober and deepen my sobriety and my life.
For me, it hasn't been any one thing, but a series of interwoven, balancing, ever-shifting things that amount to learning how to LIVE as fully, as deeply, with as much love and presence as I am able. Sobriety is a means to an end...... not the end itself.
Thank you all for your help in my journey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 236
Congratulations Free Owl on 2 years today. That's just awesome. I'm going to have 9 months on Friday and I credit people like you to my success so far: your words are inspiring and confirming. I'm grateful to be on this sober journey with you and the SR community.
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