A Fresh Start.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
A Fresh Start.
Well I'm back. After 6 weeks of not drinking I cracked and have drunk for 6 weeks. It started when I was meant to go out and basically just gave in telling myself I could just have a few a day and would be ok. I did drink sensibly to start with but then it got gradually worse until xmas when I got very drunk and got in an unnecessary argument with my wife, again ! So I am starting again. Today is day 3. Have I learned anything ? I think so. It's going to take a lot more than 6 weeks for me to feel strong again. My AV is subtler than I thought. And I need to put my recovery first, and everyone else in my life will have to deal with whatever than means for them. Anyway I'm happy to be here again. Last time I promised myself a month, which I achieved, this time I am promising myself a year....
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Glad you made it back, Steve. As you've discovered, the AV is cunning. "I thought I could have a drink" is a very common refrain before a relapse.
What supports do you have in place to help you get through this?
What supports do you have in place to help you get through this?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,415
I think you can make your odds of success a little more certain Steve.
Why not think about a recovery plan - the changes you can make, and the various kinds of support on offer.
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf
With all the good will in the world, doing what you did last time, only trying harder might not be the path forward...why not add some stuff Steve
D
Why not think about a recovery plan - the changes you can make, and the various kinds of support on offer.
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf
With all the good will in the world, doing what you did last time, only trying harder might not be the path forward...why not add some stuff Steve
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
sorry you found out the hard way that it doesn't take long to be back to old habits...
you ended your post with, "...year..."
About 14 years ago I promised myself I wouldn't drink for a year.
When the year was up I started drinking again. I managed to 'survive' considering myself as what many call a "functioning alcoholic".
Probably because I still didn't lose my job. But I lost a lot else and went through a few legal episodes.
Year 13 I finally lost my job... I also had a chance to reflect on the past.
This time to really be honest with myself and assess my life - past.
Today will be 2 years since I had a drink. I don't have an end date set. The last time I decided not to drink it was forever. It may seem like a drastic commitment. But I learned that just quitting for one year was nothing but a time out. And nothing had really changed.
I was just waiting for the year to be up so I could go back to drinking. And that I did. It took something drastic for me to finally say enough, it's over.
Don't wait for that life changing event. Make this time count - forever.
Forever is a long time. Six weeks is a long time. One year is a long time. Sometimes even one day seems like a long time. But I promise that the longer time you accrue, it will seem less and less until it will no longer be 'time'. It will become the new normal. The anxiety of not having to drink will become a thing of the past.
If you have to mark 'time' in increments, by all means do it. But with each period of time you complete, make your next goal longer. Then longer...
I made my goal forever because I didn't want to celebrate it as if I completed my goal of never drinking again. I will never know how many days, weeks, months or years I will have because I won't be around to tally it. I will be sober until death do us part.
you ended your post with, "...year..."
About 14 years ago I promised myself I wouldn't drink for a year.
When the year was up I started drinking again. I managed to 'survive' considering myself as what many call a "functioning alcoholic".
Probably because I still didn't lose my job. But I lost a lot else and went through a few legal episodes.
Year 13 I finally lost my job... I also had a chance to reflect on the past.
This time to really be honest with myself and assess my life - past.
Today will be 2 years since I had a drink. I don't have an end date set. The last time I decided not to drink it was forever. It may seem like a drastic commitment. But I learned that just quitting for one year was nothing but a time out. And nothing had really changed.
I was just waiting for the year to be up so I could go back to drinking. And that I did. It took something drastic for me to finally say enough, it's over.
Don't wait for that life changing event. Make this time count - forever.
Forever is a long time. Six weeks is a long time. One year is a long time. Sometimes even one day seems like a long time. But I promise that the longer time you accrue, it will seem less and less until it will no longer be 'time'. It will become the new normal. The anxiety of not having to drink will become a thing of the past.
If you have to mark 'time' in increments, by all means do it. But with each period of time you complete, make your next goal longer. Then longer...
I made my goal forever because I didn't want to celebrate it as if I completed my goal of never drinking again. I will never know how many days, weeks, months or years I will have because I won't be around to tally it. I will be sober until death do us part.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
Yeah I'm sure you're right. I don't want to ever drink again. I suppose I thought that when I committed to a month I made it so if I commit to a year I might make that. But I see what you are getting at, I need to commit to forever.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Steve,
Glad to see you hear, and sounding so determined.
Have to say, I was also struck by setting the goal of a year. Everyone is different, so this is just my own take on it, but like LBrain, I found I needed to make the commitment to simply never drink again. I'd been sober 4 months before I finally said that to myself, but I realised what I'd been doing up to then was leaving the door ajar to drinking again. And I felt more like I was taking a break, than someone who was now sober.
What I really needed was to take it completely off the table as an option. The way to do that for me was by reading Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking. It successfully killed off all the arguments my AV had been making for why drinking was a good thing. Exposed all the lies I'd been telling myself for 35 years. I initially stopped drinking after reading about AVRT, but that book was the extra ammunition I needed.
And the single biggest surprise I've discovered in my 7 months sober so far, is that life is way, way better. I'm enjoying myself more now. It hasn't been the sacrifice I was expecting it to be.
Glad to see you hear, and sounding so determined.
Have to say, I was also struck by setting the goal of a year. Everyone is different, so this is just my own take on it, but like LBrain, I found I needed to make the commitment to simply never drink again. I'd been sober 4 months before I finally said that to myself, but I realised what I'd been doing up to then was leaving the door ajar to drinking again. And I felt more like I was taking a break, than someone who was now sober.
What I really needed was to take it completely off the table as an option. The way to do that for me was by reading Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking. It successfully killed off all the arguments my AV had been making for why drinking was a good thing. Exposed all the lies I'd been telling myself for 35 years. I initially stopped drinking after reading about AVRT, but that book was the extra ammunition I needed.
And the single biggest surprise I've discovered in my 7 months sober so far, is that life is way, way better. I'm enjoying myself more now. It hasn't been the sacrifice I was expecting it to be.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Steve, I'm glad you're back working on your recovery. But, I see that, by planning to stay sober for a year, you are still giving yourself a way out. For me, the only thing that worked was to say and fully believe that alcohol was never an option, ever.
I hope you continue to read and post.
I hope you continue to read and post.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,415
Yeah, the year thing is a pipe dream for drinkers like me. No amount of time is going to reset me - I'm simply not, and never have been, a normal drinker.
I always drank to escape and I always drank to get wasted,
D
I always drank to escape and I always drank to get wasted,
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Yes, I drank like Dee too. Refused to admit it though - for the longest time.
Steve, I'm so glad you are back with us. No one understands the way we do - and you never have to feel alone.
Steve, I'm so glad you are back with us. No one understands the way we do - and you never have to feel alone.
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