Lockyboy

Hi all

Day 6 for me and struggling. From my first post yesterday I explained how my fiancé of 8 years had enough and said we needed to split up. In the 7 weeks since I've moved out I've had minimal contact with her, she never initiates and not seen or spoken to her. She has told me she believes separating is for the best and right now cant see a future with us and we both need to move on.

I went to WhatsApp her early hours of this morning in a moment of weakness but could see she was online messaging till 1.30am, something she never does and the only time she ever messages that late was when we first got together, so my mind is now telling me its another guy she's in contact with.

I dont want to drink today, but it would feel so much easier to have a drink and blot it out.

Thanks

JD

Hey lockyboy. Congrats on day 6! To me it sounds like your relationship may or may not work out. Only time will tell. But you can force it to the not work out side by drinking. That doesn't sound like what you want it to do. In other words, if you stop drinking there are no guarantees which way it goes but if you continue to drink there is a guarantee.

Lockyboy

Thanks jd1639, I know if I don't drink there might be some hope, no matter how small, but better than no hope

Cheers

MidnightBlue

Hi, Lockyboy.

I agree with JD - sounds like recovery is a must for your relationships to get another chance.

The first week is tough, focus on surviving. Stay away from WhatsApp, Facebook, etc. You can't change the situation by guessing why she is online. But any emotional challenge can shift this fragile sobriety balance into the negative side.

But on blinds on distractions. You can't save your relationships without saving yourself first.

Keep posting.

Lockyboy

Thanks MidnightBlue

I've already unfriended her about a week ago on FB, found I was obsessing about her profile and checking it about 20 times a day, insane behaviour for a 46 year old! But felt I had to do it to keep sane.

How huge bouts about regretting doing that as I desperately want to see what's she's up to and winder if she thinks I don't care /am moving on

Didn't realise until last night I could see if she was actively messaging on whatsapp

least

I'd suggest concentrating your efforts on staying sober. Leave the relationship alone and focus on your recovery.

Lockyboy

Thanks all for the encouragement, I definitely won't be drinking today

MidnightBlue

Not necessarily insane, rather just human. But good decision on unfriending!

Maybe, try to plan your day ahead with activities which needed to be done - to keep your thoughts away from this?

Lockyboy

Thanks all, I have my 11 year old daughter staying with me over the holidays, and my 17 year old son lives with me full time, so have some company.

Also, when I moved out I purposely chose a small village with ni shops in which is close enough to my sons school so he can catch a 10 minute bus ride to.

If I feel like a drink, I have to wait for a bus there and back, and as I lost my license through drink driving I thought Thi would remove or at least make it a major inconvenience to get some drink if I wanted it.

Soberwolf

I agree with Least LockyBoy its day 6 emotions and things are raw give yourself time & focus

If you feel like drinking at any point please come here like you are now and reach out

Good on you for posting

PurpleKnight

Keep pushing through Lockyboy!! Onwards to Day 7!!