Hopefull
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Skills are things we acquire, hobbies are tings we do and inteests are things we look for. The active addiction short circuits all the potential energy that can be discovered or turned to those things. The addiction blinds us to that potential and screams in our heads that we aren't worth the effort to find and tap into those things and that energy.
Is drinking the only thing you like or may ever like ? or is it the only thing the addiction likes? The addiction only likes one thing and will never like another, quitting strangles the addiction, chokes "it" and its thinking out and allows for hope.
It doesn't have to be a life long battle, it can be ( and is) a turning point , one moment in time, you can make that moment be right now.
Is drinking the only thing you like or may ever like ? or is it the only thing the addiction likes? The addiction only likes one thing and will never like another, quitting strangles the addiction, chokes "it" and its thinking out and allows for hope.
It doesn't have to be a life long battle, it can be ( and is) a turning point , one moment in time, you can make that moment be right now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Ohio
Posts: 581
It is horrible when you reach that point. I am on day 11 today, having had several false starts. I do not know what tomorrow brings, but I do know that NOT picking up a drink this last 11 days has made every day better. I am doing things with my son that I would not have done had I been drinking still. I will not pretend I am not a little bored, but that also comes with a 5 week break as I am in school and work for the school and right now school is closed. But, I am finding things to do...even if it is taking a nap - its not like I was present when I was drinking anyway. And I am looking into some topics of interest to establish some hobbies.
First thing you need to do is NOT take that drink. I have lists, and if I have a craving I have to do at least 3 chores from my list, and if I still want a drink I will - so far not got past one or two chores before the craving is gone - AND I am getting lots of little jobs done around the house!
We are all in this together
First thing you need to do is NOT take that drink. I have lists, and if I have a craving I have to do at least 3 chores from my list, and if I still want a drink I will - so far not got past one or two chores before the craving is gone - AND I am getting lots of little jobs done around the house!
We are all in this together
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
You've been here almost 3 yrs now and only have 200-some posts, and most of them are when you've relapsed. How about you start posting before you drink. Might help keep you sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Your sentence, "All I am is a mom" makes me sad. The greatest thing in my life is that I am blessed to be a mom, and now a grandmother. Any hobbies I have had, any skills I have aquired, any awards I have won - nothing holds a candle to being a mom.
You may have a low opinion of yourself right now, but you know what? I bet your children adore you, warts and all. You can be the mom you want to be, but you have to be willing to pull up your bootstraps and put down the damn bottle! You can choose to live miserably or you can do something about it - it's all up to you!
You may have a low opinion of yourself right now, but you know what? I bet your children adore you, warts and all. You can be the mom you want to be, but you have to be willing to pull up your bootstraps and put down the damn bottle! You can choose to live miserably or you can do something about it - it's all up to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by FormerWineGirl 
Your sentence, "All I am is a mom" makes me sad. The greatest thing in my life is that I am blessed to be a mom, and now a grandmother. Any hobbies I have had, any skills I have aquired, any awards I have won - nothing holds a candle to being a mom.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by PinotNOmore
That's not what I meant. It wasn't supposed to be a negative comment. My kids are my whole life.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
How do we know what we're capable of doing? And what are we doing when we're in the moment of knowing what we can do?
We don't know what we can do until we do it. We don't have to do everything perfectly in order to achieve our goals. And we all can generally do much more than we think. What we need to do is to act. The opposite of doing is despair. Failure for some people is taken as motivation; for others, it is an excuse to give up. I've yet to meet a single person who's made progress in life by virtue of making plans to do something without following through.
I don't make promises I can't keep. I never promised anyone I'd stop drinking. I never tried to moderate. I never set a date to stop drinking, and I never set up conditions under which I'd "have to" stop. I don't make lists or resolutions. I've been around long enough to know that I don't need to make plans in the conventional sense in order to get things done, in order to make progress. I've learned in sobriety that I can trust myself to do the things I need to do in order to live a meaningful life. And that I can trust myself to accept failure for what it is -- one of many consequences of my actions -- and then move on.
I learned a long time ago that the word 'can't' clutters up my thinking and, ultimately, adversely affects my behavior. When I invoke that word -- in thought, speech or in the written word -- I pause to consider how it squeezed its way into my thinking. "Is this something I truly want to do? Or not do?" "Am I afraid of the consequences of following through on something?" "Am I overly concerned about the outcome of what I'm about to do?" It's usually about fear or simply about not wanting to do something that I insist I want to do. Yet the idea that I can't do something adds nothing to my life and takes away missed opportunities, like experiencing love. Not doing also disqualifies me from finding meaning for my life.
We all have a limited amount of time on this planet, yet we sometimes behave as though time passes more slowly in the present than at any other time in the past. We will not always be here, and nothing is guaranteed beyond the final act of life. As a way of being, fear is a false god that beckons us to worship at the altar of avoidance. It is the Antichrist, the belief that living a good life is based exclusively on not getting hurt or being "safe" from all that we fear. This is a delusion that, more destructive than ironic, dominates our lives. We trade in the possibility of both happiness and meaning for an impoverished sense of security that, in the end, only contaminates our very being.
Meaning, motivation, the desire to have more for ourselves in our lives...all are more often born of despair and suffering than of achievement or success. I don't make the rules, and I'm no hero. But I do know what doesn't work. Loss, trauma, heartbreak and failure...all are opportunities to start over, to be who we want to be, to make our lives we want them to be, what we need them to be.
Nothing gets better when we hold our breath and stay perfectly still. Neither success nor failure are endpoints in themselves. They can be used as motivation, or as an excuse to keep things exactly as they are. We are always free to choose.
We don't know what we can do until we do it. We don't have to do everything perfectly in order to achieve our goals. And we all can generally do much more than we think. What we need to do is to act. The opposite of doing is despair. Failure for some people is taken as motivation; for others, it is an excuse to give up. I've yet to meet a single person who's made progress in life by virtue of making plans to do something without following through.
I don't make promises I can't keep. I never promised anyone I'd stop drinking. I never tried to moderate. I never set a date to stop drinking, and I never set up conditions under which I'd "have to" stop. I don't make lists or resolutions. I've been around long enough to know that I don't need to make plans in the conventional sense in order to get things done, in order to make progress. I've learned in sobriety that I can trust myself to do the things I need to do in order to live a meaningful life. And that I can trust myself to accept failure for what it is -- one of many consequences of my actions -- and then move on.
I learned a long time ago that the word 'can't' clutters up my thinking and, ultimately, adversely affects my behavior. When I invoke that word -- in thought, speech or in the written word -- I pause to consider how it squeezed its way into my thinking. "Is this something I truly want to do? Or not do?" "Am I afraid of the consequences of following through on something?" "Am I overly concerned about the outcome of what I'm about to do?" It's usually about fear or simply about not wanting to do something that I insist I want to do. Yet the idea that I can't do something adds nothing to my life and takes away missed opportunities, like experiencing love. Not doing also disqualifies me from finding meaning for my life.
We all have a limited amount of time on this planet, yet we sometimes behave as though time passes more slowly in the present than at any other time in the past. We will not always be here, and nothing is guaranteed beyond the final act of life. As a way of being, fear is a false god that beckons us to worship at the altar of avoidance. It is the Antichrist, the belief that living a good life is based exclusively on not getting hurt or being "safe" from all that we fear. This is a delusion that, more destructive than ironic, dominates our lives. We trade in the possibility of both happiness and meaning for an impoverished sense of security that, in the end, only contaminates our very being.
Meaning, motivation, the desire to have more for ourselves in our lives...all are more often born of despair and suffering than of achievement or success. I don't make the rules, and I'm no hero. But I do know what doesn't work. Loss, trauma, heartbreak and failure...all are opportunities to start over, to be who we want to be, to make our lives we want them to be, what we need them to be.
Nothing gets better when we hold our breath and stay perfectly still. Neither success nor failure are endpoints in themselves. They can be used as motivation, or as an excuse to keep things exactly as they are. We are always free to choose.
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
Hey Pinot,
You've been on these boards for about as long as I have. I've gotten to know you're personality a bit, and you strike me as an amazing, spunky, great mom. I've got all the faith in the world that you have the strength inside you to get sober. Rootin' for ya!
You've been on these boards for about as long as I have. I've gotten to know you're personality a bit, and you strike me as an amazing, spunky, great mom. I've got all the faith in the world that you have the strength inside you to get sober. Rootin' for ya!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
There's this:
And then there's this:
Do you see the connection, PNM?
Moderating like crazy. Then anguish.
This has gone on a long time. No wonder you're exhausted.
We cannot moderate. It's not in our composition.
"Now what?" Well, that is really something you'll have to work out. There's not a secret list somewhere of who shall attain sobriety and who will not. Sobriety is an equal opportunity life. But you have to start by giving up the battle. You cannot drink.
Here are a few more ideas:
1. Join your monthly class on SR. Commit to posting at least twice a day.
2. Participate in SR's online meetings. They are at 8 p.m. Central Time, Tuesdays and Fridays. The chairs do a great job -- there's wonderful support there.
3. Participate in SR's Weekender thread. The people there are so welcoming and all walked a mile in your shoes. Some are old hands at sobriety while others are brand new. And everything in between.
4. Empty your home of any alcohol. Ask for your significant other's support in doing so.
5. Get exercise and fresh air each day. If you've got time to do "other stuff," you can find time to do this.
6. Read the responses to your thread. Fellow journeyers have offered you keen insight and true compassion. Take some time to absorb what they said to you.
7. Then do it all over again. Print out this thread and read every word, every day.
I recognize your screen name from the first week I was on SR. That's a long time to hurt as much as you have hurt, PNM. Change is possible. Read posts above.
Take care.
Originally Posted by PinotNOmore
I knew I wanted to wait to quit until after the new year, but I've been trying to moderate like crazy, and some days it's doable and other days there's just too many resources at my hands.
Originally Posted by PinotNOmore
FOUR freaking years!! And Here I am having the same damn problem that I had this week 4 years ago. I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend that I can figure this out, & I can't pretend that I actually will get this accomplished. I'm so over everything. Hello rock bottom. Here I am. Now what!? I give up.
Moderating like crazy. Then anguish.
This has gone on a long time. No wonder you're exhausted.
We cannot moderate. It's not in our composition.
"Now what?" Well, that is really something you'll have to work out. There's not a secret list somewhere of who shall attain sobriety and who will not. Sobriety is an equal opportunity life. But you have to start by giving up the battle. You cannot drink.
Here are a few more ideas:
1. Join your monthly class on SR. Commit to posting at least twice a day.
2. Participate in SR's online meetings. They are at 8 p.m. Central Time, Tuesdays and Fridays. The chairs do a great job -- there's wonderful support there.
3. Participate in SR's Weekender thread. The people there are so welcoming and all walked a mile in your shoes. Some are old hands at sobriety while others are brand new. And everything in between.
4. Empty your home of any alcohol. Ask for your significant other's support in doing so.
5. Get exercise and fresh air each day. If you've got time to do "other stuff," you can find time to do this.
6. Read the responses to your thread. Fellow journeyers have offered you keen insight and true compassion. Take some time to absorb what they said to you.
7. Then do it all over again. Print out this thread and read every word, every day.
I recognize your screen name from the first week I was on SR. That's a long time to hurt as much as you have hurt, PNM. Change is possible. Read posts above.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Originally Posted by PinotNOmore
I have no skills, no hobbies, no interests, no use. All I am is a mom and I don't even deserve to be that. My family deserve better. All I like to do is drink and I can't even do that properly. Why haven't I changed? Why can't I do what's best for me and my family? Maybe because I don't deserve one thing I have been given. If I can't fix my self for the people I love more then life itself then maybe I truly am hopeless. Seriously can't believe I'm putting us through this again... I make plan after plan and never follow through. I am 31 freaking years old. I can't imagine battling this for the rest of my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
It may feel bleak and impossible right now, Pinot, but you could be feeling much better in as little as 3 days. Give sobriety a few days to sink in, then you'll have a start to jump from using all of the excellent advice on here.
You have so much to live and be sober for. You can do this!!
Delfin
You have so much to live and be sober for. You can do this!!
Delfin
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
Originally Posted by mecanix
After 10 years of procrastination, awful things happening and things slowly getting worse I started asking myself how many more years , months , weeks or days am i going to give up to this merry-go-round .
m
I tired to or wanted to quit for 20 years. It just wasn't the right time so I put it off. I had not suffered enough yet. I have finally had enough. Wished I quit along time ago.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
Thank you. Thank you all so very much! Feeling more optimistic today after a long talk with my husband last night (not a pleasant one, but I think I got a lot out in the air which was needed!) . Everything you say resonates so much with me and it's insane how people you don't even know, can know you so well. I wish I could respond to each one of your comments, as each one of them deserves a response, and maybe I will get to that soon, but for now I'm just trying to figure out my next step and I truly truly appreciate your responses when I'm in a desperate need for someone to talk to. Particular shout out to Nomis, as I was at my wits and when I saw this message and it really meant the world to me, cause that's who I really am, and who I really want to be again! Two of the last four years were spent sober due to pregnancies in which I quit cold turkey the day I found out I was pregnant or the day I was trying to get pregnant. I know I can do it. Alcohol just totally destroys any amount of hope I have for myself. Also thank you to Least who pointed out that I generally post after a "relapse" which I'm not even sure I would consider it considering I'm not sure I've stayed sober long enough to relapse. (When not pregnant ) :-( I am going to try and be more proactive... post before I make the decisions rather than making them and then posting! This has been quite the journey. And not really a fun one. I'm still not sure what the hell I'm going to do, but hey, I guess some hope has returned thanks to all of you.
Thank you all for getting me through a very low day.
You've been on these boards for about as long as I have. I've gotten to know you're personality a bit, and you strike me as an amazing, spunky, great mom. I've got all the faith in the world that you have the strength inside you to get sober. Rootin' for ya!
Thank you all for getting me through a very low day.
Originally Posted by nomis
You've been on these boards for about as long as I have. I've gotten to know you're personality a bit, and you strike me as an amazing, spunky, great mom. I've got all the faith in the world that you have the strength inside you to get sober. Rootin' for ya!
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