Madruski

34 days was my record, first time stopping. but that was about 2.5 months ago.

I want to start again, but I just don't feel a goal or the drive like that first time. What gives?

I hate too say it, but I LOVE drinking and it really is my hobby. I get excited when others around me drink, and every activity I do, I envision doing it with a drink.

The reason I have no motivation to quite (but I know I should) is because I know that I will just fall off anyway, it feels pointless to even count days because the addiction feels so engraved in me. Perhaps this is alcohol playing its mind games?

What really worries me and demotivates me is iam only just 25, and Iam already an alcoholic to the point that I can't function without it, daily, its on my mind constantly, and its only gonna destroy me further - but why am i so accepting that my life will go down the drain?

I can feel its killing the ambitious nature in me.


It really is the best time to stop, as I have 11days holidays from work, and I should use this time wisley.

I think I will draw up a "11 days of productivity " chart, just too keep myself busy And at least start digging out of this hole and not down further.

Thanks for reading, sorry for the gloomy parts

nomis

Coming from a guy who drank for over 18 years Madruski, I know what it feels like to think you never can quit. Drinking was my hobby as well. Anything I did was only interesting if I could do it with a drink in my hand.

Over 3 years later without a drink, I can say it is possible. You're right, the addiction is playing games with your head. Life is so much better clean and sober, it's tough to count all the ways sometimes.

I can't really tell you how I quit, aside from saying that I was done. As the old saying goes, soberiety isn't for those who need it, it's for those who want it.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, Madruski.

Your alcoholic voice (AV) is trying to keep you enslaved; you can break the chains, become in control of your life and feel great about it.

there are some great links on how to formulate a sobriety plan.

I will find and post them in a minute.

PurpleKnight

Alcohol was an obsession for me too Madruski, I'd either be thinking about it or doing it, my habits, my routines, my life revolved around it, there was a blurred line many times at social events where I wasn't really interested in the event whether it be a birthday, wedding or Xmas, I was there for the drinking!!

The myth that we can't break the habit is false, it can be done, but your addiction will do it's hardest to get you to give up before you've even started, I was trapped by that fairytale for a long time, "what's the point", "I'm gonna fail anyway", "I'm different to those that have got Sober".

The reality is addiction can be broken, there are no inevitables in any of this, YOU have the power within you like everyone else to make it happen.

Make a plan, get some support into that plan, draw upon all the resources you have available, dig in and say no more, write a new chapter to your life, because the pen is definitely in your hand, not alcohol's, and you'll get there!!

SoberLeigh

Here are the links, Madruski:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf

dwtbd

I would have giving anything to get drunk , loved it for years. That's the problem and there are prices to pay for indulging body and soul prices , quality of life prices , prices in scales you may have yet to experience but you will have to pay them eventually and in proportion to how much you 'love' it. It gets worse never better . Quit right now, because you love it. Start with these 11 so you have even better ones in the future. You Can Do It, rootin for ya

FreeOwl

If you are alcoholic... if drinking has continued to cause you problems in your life... if you focus on this LOVE rather than on the potential for real love and joy in your life...

Then what is going to happen is you will eventually be given the motivation to choose sobriety.... or you will wind up in jail or prison or dead.

I don't have regrets in life... but I do have retroactive wishes. One thing I'd wish for above all else would be to have woken up from my addictive coma of stupidity at 25 and begun truly valuing and living my life then - instead of wasting another 18 years on destructive addiction and all the consequences.

I know that it's hard for you right now to envision.... but seek the vision of the stories of what your life could be by looking to the lives of those who have gone before you and followed the LOVE of drinking....

You will consistently find that it led to sadness, despair, destruction, consequence, loss, grief, regret, shame, fear, depression, anxiety.

On the other hand.... you could choose to open to a life of possibility, reward, success, true meaning, real connection, self-awareness, growth, empathy, presence, service and gratitude.

I gurantee you that your 40-year old self will thank you beyond the reaches of your imagination, if you can find the motivation to allow your 25 year old self to be strong, to choose the less-worn path, to open that door to a life of happiness.

doggonecarl

There you go. You want to drink more than you want to be sober. A poor recipe for recovery.

But it can be done. Foremost, you recognize the need to quit. That's your rational brain. That you are motivated to quit, claim to love drinking and call it your hobby, that's your addicted brain. If you recognize that your addicted brain is calling the shots, maybe your rational mind can decide to quit and wait for motivation to catch up.

Soberwolf

Welcome bk Madruski

Madruski

You hit the nail on the head, that's the whole dilema iam trying too explain, my addicted brain sure has abit of a hold on things.

Because , well I use alcohol as an escape from reality, like most I assume. The more I drank, the "happeier/numb" I felt at the moment, certainly not the morning though.

OK well today i Start again, the wine and beer I have is got tipped out.

2nd time around I have more knowledge on how to keep myself from drinking.

least

I hope this time you can get sober for good. There's lots of support here, use it.