Day 4
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Day 4
Been following this forum since I started this thing, because I need all the support I can get online or otherwise.
Decided I needed to stop with my alcoholism really about 10 days ago after I once again proved that I am not a moderate drinker and that I have a problem. I was almost arrested and proved to the girl who I lost because of my drinking that I hadn't changed. I had been using all my self control to show the world that I was normal, but once again, I blacked out, made a fool of myself, was almost arrested, busted up my foot, drunk post stupid things on my Facebook. It's crystal clear that every time I try to moderate, it doesn't last and it always ends in foolish decisions. But after that ****** night last Monday, I was so depressed that I kept drinking more and more each day, until I literally wasn't even enjoying it...I was just using it to numb my guilt and sadness (I've probably been using it to do that all along).
First few days were rough, like trouble sleeping, nightmares, sweaty. Not shaken or anything too severe, but definitely uncomfortable. But today I feel a little better. In fact, each day, incrementally, I feel better. This is a hard time to get sober, what with the holidays etc, and I am having to cut out all of my friends and change all my activities. It is astounding how much my life and social group revolved around consumption. But after attending AA meetings (two a day for the past two days), I really realize that stopping now is the only thing that will allow me to keep the trust of the people who are still here for me. Some people in those rooms had to literally lose everything, end up in the streets, divorced, in jail, before they faced their addiction. I don't want that for me!
I'm only 23, and when I was in college, I could attempt to attribute my drinking to that time of my life. Normal to get wasted in college, right? But after graduating in May, and without purpose, my drinking lost control. Everyday at 4 o clock, several beers and shots, and that was only the beginning. I wouldn't even count, I'd just drink until I was wasted. Thinking too far in the future makes me panic, but taking this one day at a time has worked so far. AA members with years of sobriety have told me: "meetings are like money" so I've been trying to go to two a day. I also found a sponsor who I have to call once a day to check in.
I'm really struggling to fill up my days now that they aren't centered around booze. Been walking a lot, reading, drinking lots of coffee and smoking lots of cigarettes. Plan to join the Y. I just hope I can make this last because it's hard but I need to. If I can't do this with AA, online support, and self-control, I told my family I will check myself in to a 30 day rehab. I would much rather start building my life up now, with therapy and AA, then lose my freedom for a month. I can do it, I'm just waiting on the new year and about 10 days of sobriety. New year new life!
-Luke
Decided I needed to stop with my alcoholism really about 10 days ago after I once again proved that I am not a moderate drinker and that I have a problem. I was almost arrested and proved to the girl who I lost because of my drinking that I hadn't changed. I had been using all my self control to show the world that I was normal, but once again, I blacked out, made a fool of myself, was almost arrested, busted up my foot, drunk post stupid things on my Facebook. It's crystal clear that every time I try to moderate, it doesn't last and it always ends in foolish decisions. But after that ****** night last Monday, I was so depressed that I kept drinking more and more each day, until I literally wasn't even enjoying it...I was just using it to numb my guilt and sadness (I've probably been using it to do that all along).
First few days were rough, like trouble sleeping, nightmares, sweaty. Not shaken or anything too severe, but definitely uncomfortable. But today I feel a little better. In fact, each day, incrementally, I feel better. This is a hard time to get sober, what with the holidays etc, and I am having to cut out all of my friends and change all my activities. It is astounding how much my life and social group revolved around consumption. But after attending AA meetings (two a day for the past two days), I really realize that stopping now is the only thing that will allow me to keep the trust of the people who are still here for me. Some people in those rooms had to literally lose everything, end up in the streets, divorced, in jail, before they faced their addiction. I don't want that for me!
I'm only 23, and when I was in college, I could attempt to attribute my drinking to that time of my life. Normal to get wasted in college, right? But after graduating in May, and without purpose, my drinking lost control. Everyday at 4 o clock, several beers and shots, and that was only the beginning. I wouldn't even count, I'd just drink until I was wasted. Thinking too far in the future makes me panic, but taking this one day at a time has worked so far. AA members with years of sobriety have told me: "meetings are like money" so I've been trying to go to two a day. I also found a sponsor who I have to call once a day to check in.
I'm really struggling to fill up my days now that they aren't centered around booze. Been walking a lot, reading, drinking lots of coffee and smoking lots of cigarettes. Plan to join the Y. I just hope I can make this last because it's hard but I need to. If I can't do this with AA, online support, and self-control, I told my family I will check myself in to a 30 day rehab. I would much rather start building my life up now, with therapy and AA, then lose my freedom for a month. I can do it, I'm just waiting on the new year and about 10 days of sobriety. New year new life!
-Luke
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome Luke - sounds like you're doing good. Keep on with the meetings and listen for the similarities not the differences; and check in here often.
Wishing you well on your journey to recovery; peace; serenity; and joy.
Wishing you well on your journey to recovery; peace; serenity; and joy.
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