chrcarlson

Today is the worst. I really miss the ex girlfriend. Usually lack of female companionship doesn't bother too much. 3 weeks ago I'd have a few or dozen beers and no problem. I've been thinking about her the past few days and made the mistake of looking at a few of her pictures. She sure is a sweetheart. 2 weeks sober, I'm probably in no condition to date anyone but I sure miss those brown eyes and soft voice. I guess it's one of those emotion things I keep hearing about.

Oh well, I suppose it's better to be alive than numb. In the words of the venerable Sgt Schultz "women are like wars, there's always another coming along."

Dee74

I think getting sober is the most important thing right now...sort that out and then you can widen your recovery programme.

I'm a better partner because I took the time to work on myself and to get comfortable in my own skin.

It really made a difference in my relationships with women,

D

Meraviglioso

I am sorry you are feeling down and missing her, those are tough emotions to deal with, I know very well from experience.
But as Dee mentioned, right now seems like a good time to concentrate on getting sober. Work on yourself so that down the line, when the time is right you can be the man you want to be for yourself and for a woman.
It is ok to mourn the loss of a relationship, to look at pictures and reminisce, but if you cannot deal with the emotions that brings up without drinking it might be a good idea to put the photos in an envelope and store them away for another day. If they are digital prints, stay away from her social media for a while. You've got to protect yourself.

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, chrcarlson. I know it's difficult but try to just "let go" of it and focus on sobriety. Yeah, easier said than done as I know from experience. But sobriety is a huge thing, and it's enough to have on your plate right now. Everything in your life depends on it, and there will be time for a relationship once you've got your ducks in a row.

chrcarlson

You are both right. I just like women. Feeling lonely and looking at her photo was a bad move-just made the feeling more intense. I'll try to avoid it for awhile. I've been looking at some of the girls in AA also I'm an old dog.

Saw my sponsor tonight. He told I looked good, said I looked like a$$ two weeks ago. Country boy-he talks like that. I do look better in a mirror. I'm thinking maybe I could get back with the ex. That's probably not a good move either. She dumped me because I wouldn't get married. That's is an issue. I've never been much of long term comments.

I know working on myself is the most important thing right now. I'm trying to work on being patient. I think few alcoholics are patient. Sober folks seem to have that. It unrealistic to think I can undo 30 years of twisted thinking in 15 days or even a month or two.

Thanks for reading/listening. I guess I feel a little better just typing about it. And I'm not going to drink tonight. Tomorrow will take care of it's self.

Meraviglioso

You old dog you, leave those AA girls alone! For both your sake and theirs. At least for now.
I do think that AA would be a nice place for sober people to meet for friendship or more, but now is not the time. Wait until you are less fragile and then make sure you set your sights on a woman who is also not fragile or new to recovery. Two newly sober alcoholics navigating the natural stresses of a new relationship sounds like a disaster in the making to me! Keep pushing along with sobriety. A woman will come along.

chrcarlson

You know she loved me and probably still does. She drinks just not as much as I use to. I was always there for her and made her laugh a lot. She didn't break up with me over my DUI. She wanted to get married and me to get a regular job. Money wasn't an issue. I think having $ in the bank and the drinking didn't give me much motivation to get a job. I want a job now so I'll have something to do all day. I see a pattern with several past loves-me not wanting to get married. I couldn't tell you if it was alcohol or maybe I'm not the marrying kind. How could I know? I was drinking the entire time. This whole sober thing is going to be interesting. I guess I'm going to get to know myself. In some ways I have no idea who I am and not a clue about sober me.

chrcarlson

Meraviglioso- you made me laugh. Yep-AA has an old saying. Something to do with "odd" but yes some girls at AA do have issues. My plate is full of those right now. I spent years in Iraq so I've been here before. I just whining a bit.

Thanks for the song-it's chilling me out.

Merry Christmas

Meraviglioso

The song is great, I worried after I posted it that it might appear as though I was making light of the fact you are feeling lonely and wishing for companionship. But his voice is so warm and kind, more than my own words could ever be.

Merry Christmas to you bud, enjoy your holiday and behave yourself out there!

SoberInCLE

First of all, congratulations on being sober. It can be a little stressful just staying sober at first. I had a lot of mood swings. Hope you feel better soon.

Hawkeye13

Congrats on the sobriety
Keep working on you and maybe you'll figure out that "no commitment" fear.

Having someone who knows you well, and to grow old with, is actually pretty nice. . .

FormerWineGirl

Sorry you are feeling lonely. It's probably a combination of missing your former gf, the holidays, and early sobriety. Hang in there. You are right, it will be interesting getting to know yourself. I haven't drank for 15 months and it's amazing what I have learned about myself - it's a major eye-opening experience!

I know it sounds corny, but you will meet the right person at the right time and you both will want the same things, whatever that may be. In the mean time, be kind to yourself and stay on track, you can do this!

Soberwolf

This

Michellelindsay

Well mine left me to and took the Xmas dinner with him
So just me on my own
I don't have any family and just moved to a new area ..
And trying to give up drink
When the only social place I knew was the pub ..
It's hard .. but chin up hey x

Berrybean

Please, don't objectify the women in the rooms of AA. They're there to recover and get their lives back together, not to be eye candy to any men there. It wouldn't have been an easy decision for them to go to AA, and if you're in the fellowship you should be thinking of all there in a more respectful way.

You don't sound lonely to me - just hungry for a distraction. One thing we learn in AA as we recover is how to stop using people to patch problems. If you want to get well it's best to listen to that advice about steering clear of relationships in the first year.

Wishing you well in your recovery.

Anna

I'm pretty sure you know that getting back together with your ex is not a good idea. You are working on your recovery and if you get back with the ex, she will still be talking about getting married, and I assume that's not in the cards for you. Give yourself some time.

chrcarlson

I really appreciate all your comments. I spoke with my sponsor about it, he said the same things. Until I get somethings worked out it's going to be no good for me or anyone else. I spend a lot of years lonely overseas-some things are to be endured.

Beccy- I don't think being attracted to women is objectifying them. Fair weather or foul, it's nice to have someone with you.

Berrybean

It's a matter of acting, and at least making an effort to think, appropriately. To clarify: when I say 'Objectifying' them, I mean you turning up there and looking at them as means to satisfy YOUR needs that are nothing to do with the reason people go there, without considering those women beyond what they look like. Those women you see in the seats at AA meetings go there because they feel safe there, and they need the fellowship of AA for their recovery. It's important they continue to feel that way there.

Yes - it can be nice to have someone with us, but the truth is, in that first year of recovery, we have little to offer anyone in a relationship with us other than frustration and heartache. Also, the drama,and the highs and lows of relationships can be serious threats to our sobriety when the s**t hits the fan, or when that perfect person suddenly seems flawed to us. Many of us (alcoholics)have addictive behaviours around relationships / sex. We get carried away in the first throws of romance or lust, just like with that first drink. It's not for no reason that there's a Sex / Relationship inventory in step 4.

teatreeoil007

Yep yep.

chrcarlson

Little quick on the trigger there Beccy. That's ok though, no harm in being protective.

I hope you are having a wonderful Christmas.