Arrived in UK and I know I'm going to drink...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 165
Arrived in UK and I know I'm going to drink...
I just don't think I can survive Xmas with family without drinking. I'm at end of day 9 - entering double digits tomorrow. I don't want to drink and I do at the same time. I don't know how to make it through this family stuff without it. I'm actually shaking right now because I want a drink but I'm sticking with the Coke Zero for now. Just found out that we will be spending both Xmas day and Boxing Day at pubs...,. Not sure how I'm going to do this. Sorry for the rant - but needed to post! 
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. 
You can do it. Day nine is just an uncomfortable place to be. This too shall pass. You don't want to go back to Day One, do you? Or to be drunk and out of control while with your family? Of course not. Day nine for me was full of anxiety and an emotional roller coaster. I made it, you will too.
You can do it. Day nine is just an uncomfortable place to be. This too shall pass. You don't want to go back to Day One, do you? Or to be drunk and out of control while with your family? Of course not. Day nine for me was full of anxiety and an emotional roller coaster. I made it, you will too.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Can you make it along to some AA meetings while you're here Kelly? There will be lots. Even if you don't usually go to AA, you would be welcomed as someone who is struggling to stay alcohol free over the Xmas period while visiting the UK. Everyone there will understand and be able to offer you support.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 166
I hear you. I am married into another culture and drinking is considered differently in other countries. I know England, pub hopping, and Boxing day and I know its not easy. But you know deep down it is just another day. Same want to drink will be there but we label it differently and it makes it harder. If you go to a pub you will probably drink, I know I would, that's why I cant go to them. Anytime the self imposed crap we put on ourselves gets too hard this holiday come here just a minuet or two. Post or just read. See if it helps. Sending you strength.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
you dont have to be part of the "we" that spends time at the pub.
you are an adult and can say no.
if you dont make sobriety #1 priority and do whatever you have to do to not drink, yes, you will drink
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
you are an adult and can say no.
if you dont make sobriety #1 priority and do whatever you have to do to not drink, yes, you will drink
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Try this Kelly
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
If you want to talk more directly asap, drop a pm & we can chat in the chatroom if it helps ? & that's anytime Kelly x granting that I'm online if I'm not hopefully someone else will be who will do the same
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
If you want to talk more directly asap, drop a pm & we can chat in the chatroom if it helps ? & that's anytime Kelly x granting that I'm online if I'm not hopefully someone else will be who will do the same
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Awww C'mon Kelly... RALLY!!!
You don't have to "know" you're going to drink. That's just the same thing as saying "I just arrived in the UK and I'VE DECIDED I'M GOING TO DRINK".
Is that really the choice you want to make?
Do you really WANT to be back here in a few weeks telling us all about the regret and the shame and the frustration and beating yourself up over this choice?
Is that really going to be worth it?
You can make another choice, you know. And even though you won't find it easy - it's pretty simple.
Looking back on how you managed to get through a holiday sober, how you woke each day feeling fresh and rested, how you can't believe it, but you REALLY DID IT!!! Won't that feel pretty darn good?
How many holidays have you spent in your life drinking? Isn't that enough? How many holidays have you spent sober, being truly present, feeling what they really are - both the good and the not so good? How many memories have you made unclouded by booze at the holidays and with family?
Wouldn't it be nice to see what that's like?
It's up to you. But don't fool yourself or us into thinking that it wasn't your choice and that this post wasn't some sort of pre-emptive excuse-making.
You own the choice, and you have the power.
You don't have to "know" you're going to drink. That's just the same thing as saying "I just arrived in the UK and I'VE DECIDED I'M GOING TO DRINK".
Is that really the choice you want to make?
Do you really WANT to be back here in a few weeks telling us all about the regret and the shame and the frustration and beating yourself up over this choice?
Is that really going to be worth it?
You can make another choice, you know. And even though you won't find it easy - it's pretty simple.
Looking back on how you managed to get through a holiday sober, how you woke each day feeling fresh and rested, how you can't believe it, but you REALLY DID IT!!! Won't that feel pretty darn good?
How many holidays have you spent in your life drinking? Isn't that enough? How many holidays have you spent sober, being truly present, feeling what they really are - both the good and the not so good? How many memories have you made unclouded by booze at the holidays and with family?
Wouldn't it be nice to see what that's like?
It's up to you. But don't fool yourself or us into thinking that it wasn't your choice and that this post wasn't some sort of pre-emptive excuse-making.
You own the choice, and you have the power.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 165
Cheers for the words of encouragement - just needed to get how I was feeling off my chest. I'm here to spend time with family and don't have control over what we do and I don't have access to a car. If I said no to going to pub then I'd be spending Xmas alone which isn't why I'm here! So just guna have to muddle through I guess. Anyways ta - have a nice Xmas everyone
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Be a non drinker . . . because what's going to happen at the next event, the next Xmas, New Years, birthday, wedding, holiday.
Sobriety is a more than sheer abstinence, it's a lifestyle choice and those around you need to accept that you've now parted ways with alcohol for good!!
You can do this!!
Sobriety is a more than sheer abstinence, it's a lifestyle choice and those around you need to accept that you've now parted ways with alcohol for good!!
You can do this!!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Hi Kelly - I hope you have a good experience navigating family and the holiday season. SR will be an interesting place after the season ends when we trade notes on what happened. Wish me luck!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
I don't know if this will help, but in the early days I tried to be practical about what it was I actually wanted, when I thought I wanted a drink.
If you're at all like me, sticking to one or two drinks has no appeal. That would be the point where the wheels would start turning and the desire for more would kick in. I tried the moderation approach for a long time, and it was miserable. It was just a way to torture myself. If it's hard to say not to a drink when you're sober, trying to say no to a drink after you've had a couple is a nightmare. So for me, choosing between sobriety and moderation was an easy choice to make.
So right away, I ruled out the idea that what I was craving was to be able to have a glass of wine with my meal at a pub. That's pure AV talk. That's its way of getting its foot in the door.
No, what I was really craving was to get drunk. And that's when I would be honest with myself about what being drunk, for me, really means. Blackouts. Humiliating myself. Falling down. Saying things I don't believe. Insulting people badly while trying to be funny. Losing friends. Heated arguments. Burning bridges. Losing control. Being sick. Crippling hangovers.
Do I really want that? Really? Is that what I'd rather have than staying sober? No. Some people call it playing the tape forward. Whatever you call it, it's about being totally honest with yourself about what is really going to happen if you drink. In my drinking days I never did that. I only thought about the fun part of drinking. That magic sweet spot when all's right with the world, everyone is laughing at my devastatingly funny jokes, women are swooning over me, I feel good about myself, I'm confident, charming and witty. But I would blow past that sweet spot in a matter of seconds. So fast I couldn't even tell you for certain if it actually exists
So if there's no choice about going to the pub, if you're at all like me, your choices are then to not drink and continue on the journey you're doing so well on, torturing yourself by having just a couple of drinks which would blow your sobriety for no gain, or getting hammered in front of your family with all the physical and emotional mayhem that can lead to.
For me, the smart choice, the only one that makes sense on any level at all, is to stick with sobriety.
If you're at all like me, sticking to one or two drinks has no appeal. That would be the point where the wheels would start turning and the desire for more would kick in. I tried the moderation approach for a long time, and it was miserable. It was just a way to torture myself. If it's hard to say not to a drink when you're sober, trying to say no to a drink after you've had a couple is a nightmare. So for me, choosing between sobriety and moderation was an easy choice to make.
So right away, I ruled out the idea that what I was craving was to be able to have a glass of wine with my meal at a pub. That's pure AV talk. That's its way of getting its foot in the door.
No, what I was really craving was to get drunk. And that's when I would be honest with myself about what being drunk, for me, really means. Blackouts. Humiliating myself. Falling down. Saying things I don't believe. Insulting people badly while trying to be funny. Losing friends. Heated arguments. Burning bridges. Losing control. Being sick. Crippling hangovers.
Do I really want that? Really? Is that what I'd rather have than staying sober? No. Some people call it playing the tape forward. Whatever you call it, it's about being totally honest with yourself about what is really going to happen if you drink. In my drinking days I never did that. I only thought about the fun part of drinking. That magic sweet spot when all's right with the world, everyone is laughing at my devastatingly funny jokes, women are swooning over me, I feel good about myself, I'm confident, charming and witty. But I would blow past that sweet spot in a matter of seconds. So fast I couldn't even tell you for certain if it actually exists
So if there's no choice about going to the pub, if you're at all like me, your choices are then to not drink and continue on the journey you're doing so well on, torturing yourself by having just a couple of drinks which would blow your sobriety for no gain, or getting hammered in front of your family with all the physical and emotional mayhem that can lead to.
For me, the smart choice, the only one that makes sense on any level at all, is to stick with sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by kellyrally 
Cheers for the words of encouragement - just needed to get how I was feeling off my chest. I'm here to spend time with family and don't have control over what we do and I don't have access to a car. If I said no to going to pub then I'd be spending Xmas alone which isn't why I'm here! So just guna have to muddle through I guess. Anyways ta - have a nice Xmas everyone
Or you could phone the AA hotline and ask if there are any local meetings and explain your predicament. We had a lady from the USA staying with her son and daughter in law for a month in an isolated area with no transport. She asked for help getting to meetings. People took turns to drive the 20 mins each way to pick her up and drop her off. That's what fellowship is about.
Try to be mindful of HALT (Hungry; Angry; Lonely; Tired) and try to avoid getting these ways wherever possible.
Anyway - hope you have a lovely time with your family.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Some great advice here Kelly. The really great thing is if you don;t want to drink you don't have to - no matter what else is going on. You absolutely have the power.
Your AV will try and convince you it's not your fault if you drink being around all those drinkers - but it will absolutely be your choice - noone else's.
Make it a good choice
You came here to SR for a reason - think of the life you want and how pleased you'll be to have stuck to your determination to change your life
D
Your AV will try and convince you it's not your fault if you drink being around all those drinkers - but it will absolutely be your choice - noone else's.
Make it a good choice
You came here to SR for a reason - think of the life you want and how pleased you'll be to have stuck to your determination to change your life
D
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
Your AV is strong-that's all those thoughts are. You don't really want to drink.
Think only about today. Wake up and stay sober just for today. Stop thinking about tomorrow-it will drive you nutts. Remember you just have to stay sober ONE day. One day at a time.
One more thing. I am 15 days sober and have friends get drunk in front of me. I told myself it was a science experiment, sort like visiting the zoo to observe. I had a certain detachment and observed their foolishness. It was amusing and sad to watch them. If ya have to go stay sober so you can watch the show. In some of them you will see yourself drunk- quite disgusting if you ask me.
Think only about today. Wake up and stay sober just for today. Stop thinking about tomorrow-it will drive you nutts. Remember you just have to stay sober ONE day. One day at a time.
One more thing. I am 15 days sober and have friends get drunk in front of me. I told myself it was a science experiment, sort like visiting the zoo to observe. I had a certain detachment and observed their foolishness. It was amusing and sad to watch them. If ya have to go stay sober so you can watch the show. In some of them you will see yourself drunk- quite disgusting if you ask me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
Got to be honest if you know your going to drink... you probably will. Just remember you dont HAVE to drink, no one can make you drink and no situation can make you drink either, whether you do or not is entirely up to you... I hope you can stay sober, whatever happens have a great xmas x x x
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