PurpleKnight

Sounds like addiction is trying to sell you a hurdle that shouldn't be there, alcohol is great at that, "I'll be bored, I'll be fat, I'll be lonely etc etc".

The reality is Sobriety needs to be worked at, go out and get new hobbies, sort out your diet/exercise, make new friends.

Sure if we sit around and eat junk food all day watching TV, then yes we probably will gain weight, but just like the choice of whether you drink or not is in your hands, so is the rest of your lifestyle.

Don't put unnecessary hurdles in the way of Sobriety, go out, take control of your life and write the chapter you want!!

EndGameNYC

As is or has been true of many of us, we tend to frame life and our life experiences in extreme terms which, for me, was only an attempt at circumventing the help I needed. It's never helped me to think in this way.

As I understand it, it's a breach of forum rules to provide answers to some of your questions. Beyond that, I'm very reluctant to provide a treatment plan since I don't know you personally and because it's impossible for me to assess you in any comprehensive way at a distance.

What I do know is that, for me, prior to when I first got sober thirty two years ago, my searching for the first cause(s) of why I drank only provided a diversion for getting sober. My hope was that, were I to discover exactly why it was that I drank, I could drink "normally" without giving it up altogether.

I worked with a very good psychoanalyst (who provided additional impetus for me to pursue a career in clinical psychology, though I wasn't aware of this at the time) who offered his interpretations in addition to my own understanding of what I was doing and where it all came from. At one point in my treatment he asked, "When are you going to stop blaming your parents and your past for what you're doing right now?" Though his question hit me like a ton of bricks, it helped me to begin to orient my thinking in the direction of personal responsibility, and lifted me from the morass of thinking about things rather than taking action to change my behavior. It was a few years after working with him that this conclusion became clear for me in terms of acting on my own behalf and in my own better interests.

I've yet to meet a single person who can think herself out of any kind of addiction or other unwanted habits. The best minds on the planet are often rendered helpless when it comes to dealing with real-life problems; many are hampered by their intellectual gifts, and are often unaware of the subversive role that their thinking plays in stifling or contaminating their behaviors. The only way for me out of the mess I'd created was to start taking responsibility for myself through action.

With all that, I know that many people in the types of situations that we're discussing her have benefited from Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

MissPerfumado

Hello sourbaby

Sorry for the delay in replying to your question. I've been travelling and posting mainly in the Dec 2015 class thread when I do get onto SR.

You asked how I reached acceptance of my body after experiencing similar body image / obsession issues as you described. It happened through gaining inner confidence and not looking for validation from others. I grew to love the feeling of what my body could achieve, how far it allowed me to run, how much I could lift in weights (which still isn't much!!), etc. I began to look as my body as a physical expression of my spiritual self and to value it accordingly.

All of this of course sounds ridiculously hypocritical from someone who until a few days ago was pouring copious amounts of wine down my gullet, but I guess we are all bundles of contradictions. On that note however I would say that concern about my physical health and how alcohol was affecting me physically was an important motivation for me to seek sobriety.

A lot of people have given you great advice on this thread. I hope you manage to find something that works for you. I can say from experience that the sort of body issues you describe trap you in a kind of prison - the prison being your own body. But it is a psychological prison only. Once you can free yourself from that thinking, the body becomes (sorry to be corny but I do think this) a precious gift.

Peace to you - you deserve it as we all do.

jessie65

Hi sourbaby, just wanted to say I can so relate, to the obsession to be thin. It's awful, I know.
I've never done stimulants but a part of the reason I quit drinking (keep quitting) is because I packed on 40 lbs. over the years and I desperately need to lose it. I am just miserable being heavy.
I can't weigh myself anymore because I'll go into a weeks long depression afterwards, I can't even see a photo of myself (I run from cameras or any snapshots of myself), I know it will affect my mood, and I'll either go crazy obsessively trying to lose the weight, or go in the other direction and say the heck with it and go into a downward spiral, binge drinking & eating, all over a photo, I've got issues, lol (really not funny).

So, you're not alone. My best advice is diet & exercise, I know you don't want to hear that, but it's the healthiest way to lose the weight and keep it off, it has to be a lifestyle change, not just a temporary diet. Eating healthy and lots of exercise is the only thing keeping me sane (& sober) these days. Whatever you do to lose weight has to be something you can live with, always. Stimulants aren't the answer, I'm sure you already know that.
Stay strong.

fantail

Your body is going to act a little weird at first. You're changing up the way it gets nutrition. My body was fully in starvation mode, because I basically stopped eating and just drank towards the end. It's only been in the last month or so (I'm at 5 months) that my body's let go of the 10 extra pounds I had from the booze, even though I work a fairly physical job. I think of it as my body not trusting me enough to give up my survival cushion! But then after a certain arbitrary time, it just started dropping off normally. Who knows what it'll be like from here on out.

I really recommend that you get a therapist who specializes in eating issues to help you through this. Early sobriety is just plain weird for your body, and it sounds like you're really vulnerable to that.

Good luck, you can do it!

RedAndy

Hi Sourbaby,

For me the hole that I fear will only get bigger and darker and deeper with the drink and drugs and will never and can never be an option for me no matter what, I know I also need to address the obsessive behaviour too as a separate issue altogether.

I am not seeing it as any void that will need filling without these things in my life but an opportunity to make the changes for a better future where the out of control side of me is not causing anymore destruction - drink and drugs gone I'm sure the rest can be made good and believe CBT will be beneficial to address this.

I've been referred by my GP and awaiting an appointment in the New Year.

Good luck with it too, sober and clean and with a clear focus there's no doubt you can address the rest.