SoberLife90

So of course I am discovering new things about me in my sobriety and recently just got my grades back on my first semester in college. My teachers have posted 2 grades...an A, and a B-. I have two other classes that I believe I also have A's in. I knew I wasn't going to get an A in the class because my writing skills needed improvement. Anyways I couldn't help but feel as though I had a problem with this so I tried to quickly accept it. However, since I had a problem with this I decided that maybe it's a deeper issue, like a character defect of mine. When it comes to school I sometimes try to be a perfectionist. I want all them A's! I say that it is okay as long as I try to learn as much as I can and that I try my best. I called my sponsor and he said that my problem is in my pride and ego. Could you all help clarify or give your opinioms of what you feel could be my issue.

Most importantly I want to maintain a high quality of life and sobriety and if I get a B in a class that should be okay. I know this will be a process but I hate trying to be perfect in things. I know that I'm not, although, I strive for perfection in school.

JD

In life you have to accept being "good enough". There's always going to some one better than you. All A's and a B is pretty darn good. You should be proud of yourself!

tomsteve

for me ego is how i view myself. pride is how i perceive others view me.

when i dont meet my expectations of myself, which can sometimes be way too great, i can get discouraged. ego getting in the way.
when i dont meet expectations others have of me i can get discouraged.
pride getting in the way.

best for me to shoot for perfection and accept progress.

we tend to be our own worst critics.
and best to accept were humans that are imperfect.

please remind me of this when pride and ego get in my way!

and good job on them grades!

Soberwolf

I don't think it's a bad thing striving for the best grades possible my eldest neice is in her third year of uni & I always say go for the top grade as it improves her chances at employment & other courses as she is going to be a teacher

I think your awesome

zerothehero

I don't believe in character defects. People can and do change. That said, you mentioned perfectionism. That's worth exploring because it can lead to anxiety as well as beating up on yourself. Maybe this will help with perspective: http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/defau...fectionism.pdf

doggonecarl

Take a writing class next.

awuh1

Consider reading The Spirituality of Imperfection by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham

Soberish

I'm the same way in my schooling as well. I don't think its a bad thing you strive for A's, but I know how a B or lower can effect you.

Personally, I feel the reason why I try to be an over achiever is because I spent so long going down the wrong path in life that I need to make up for it. The other reason is because it boosts my self confidence. If you don't let it get into your head and start thinking your better than everyone because of your good grades, then I dont see a problem in it. After all, my good grades got me transferred into a wonderful college and that would not have happened if I didn't set the bar very high and went into college with the mindset that "C's get degrees".

Dont beat yourself up for that B. I got two on my transcript that bothered the heck out of me but like you've said, I learned a whole lot in those classes striving for an A. The more you strive for success in college the more you will strive for in your future career. On top of that, you'll know a whole lot more too.

Congratulations on your first semester! Some people find out that "college isn't for them" after their first semester and I dont hear you saying that.

Step12

You are supposed to be a perfectionist when it comes to grades. It's not a character defect. It's called success.

Is your sponsor a college graduate? Do you think it might be their pride and ego trying to hold you back?

I'm not saying switch sponsors are be hard on them but I am saying try to get a sponsor that you want to be like them. Not one to hold you back

Step12

Now if you do make a B or don't make A's you can't beat yourself up and go drink over it that's the flipside

mayabee

I'm assuming that you worked hard in all your classes, including the one where you made a B. Some classes will be especially challenging. If you did your best, then try not to be hard on yourself about not making an A. It's great to strive for excellence, but don't buy into the mistaken idea that you are somehow not good enough unless you are perfect.

Dee74

I certainly wanted As when I was a student and I don't think there's anything wrong with that, as such.

But if you find you're obsessing over a grade, or finding resentment about it, I do think it's a problem,

I had to learn that all I could do was my best. Sometimes I found a class or an assignment where my best was simply not an A grade

I learned to keep a sense of perspective about one grade on one paper or in one class.

Sure, sometimes the grades I got where less than I thought I deserved, but it's equally true I got good grades from some pretty hastily thrown together papers too
D

SoberLife90

Thanks everyone I appreciate the encouragement! Your the best!