Christmas party today
 

I need some advice. What can i tell myself when i get angry/restless/resentful when other people are drinking?

When the voice in my head tells me "not fair" I recognize it is my AV.

I usually tell it "Shut up, Troublemaker", although I was in the Navy for 24 years, so I often use more colorful language. :)

Have fun at your parties! :ring

This is where I am... They're normal drinkers. There's no way I'd want to be a normal drinker. What's up with that? Just having one or two? I'd want a full on buzz. And that's just doesn't work for me anymore. So I just let it go. They can do what they want, and I'm going to do what I want. And that's not to drink.

Step 10, from the 12 & 12 - It is a Spiritual axiom that whenever we are experiencing conflict inside of us, we need to examine what inside of us is going on, and is it just our self-willed demanding that feels justified in trying to exercise our will over others?

Take personal inventory FIRST. Then do the next RIGHT THING. Sometimes that may mean getting involved in preventing a bad situation in the making ... more often I have found that the next RIGHT THING is saying the Serenity Prayer until my obsession to 'control' passes.

That helped me to go thru that ... hope it is of some use for you, secretchord :c014:

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE

When i get angry , stressed or resentful about people around me drinking i tend to think taking affirmative sober action is the best thing …

outta the door is probably the best course of action keep on going till i'm on safe ground .
if anyone remembers me leaving and asks at some later point i can just say i felt sick , which in a way i did …

and i'd have been a lot sicker if i'd have hung around ..

I might get thought a party pooper , i'm the alcoholic who is sober and is now home tucked up in bed safe for another 24 thank you ,

I'll take that deal ,

m

You can always make an appearance then leave early. And when you're there, have a non alcoholic drink in hand so no one asks you what you want to drink.

Your true , real, rational self/mind knows that alcohol consumption is no longer something you will do. The negative emotional states you may possibly feel are products of the AV throwing a tantrum and if you expereince them ,though unpleasant, have no power to change your mind about not drinking, so don't change your mind.
Once the AV has been put on notice that drinking is no longer an option, no matter what, with time it will become weaker and appear less often , building sober muscle.
The AV tantrum can't make you change you mind it can only try and make it uncomfortable, if it does you can just the leave the party for a break or call it an early afternoon , or muddle through, either way feelings don't change our minds. You got this, rootin for ya

Secretchord--good question. At the moment I just tell myself to avoid irritations wherever possible. I may go to parties someday, but not someday soon.

Honestly ? if I felt like that I wouldn't go to any gatherings where alcohol is the main event

Give it a miss Secretchord & keep building them sober muscles

I agree. You had a tough time at a party yesterday when you won the wine. I wouldn't want to put myself in harms way. Too early in recovery. Parties aren't mandatory, we tend to make them that way because we are worried about what people "think" about us. The important thing to "think" about is your sobriety. If you think you are going to struggle, think twice about going.

why go????

I agree it's worth asking yourself if you really need to go.

The reason being, you want to be in a place where you don't have those feelings when people around you are drinking. Think of a food you don't like. Say it's broccoli. If you went to a party where everyone is eating broccoli, would you feel angry, restless and resentful that you can't have any? No. Because you don't actually want any. Right now, it sounds like you're still in a place of feeling that you want to drink, but you aren't allowed to. So surrounding yourself with drinkers is mentally torturing yourself.

I reached the point where I felt relaxed around drinkers, really comfortable with my choice, after a couple of months. Some people never do and make permanent changes to their social life to allow for that. We're all different. But early sobriety is tough for pretty much everyone.

Great analogy.

I would just avoid it personally (I did with our main holiday party for work and the office party) but if you do go, I would just make a quick appearance, grab some food and get out before the drinking really gets going. But that's just me.

Sometimes thinking about what we can bring/add to an event - I don't mean things - will distract from resentful feelings. How has Debbie's new house? How's is John's new car? I wonder how Fred's daughter is doing at college????

Engaging in the moment can bring us joy!

You can tell yourself, "Time to leave."

I go places to enjoy myself not to white knuckle it. If the drinking is bothering me I just leave

I had to avoid social drinking situations in early sobriety for my own protection (and others around me- since I had the tendency to get a bit cranky :) ) It was summer, and a lot of partying was going on around me.

It's good to have an exit plan....if you start to get really uncomfortable, it's ok to leave early.

There isn't any party, any toast, any occasion, any mood or any day worth drinking for! Protect your sobriety at all costs; you won't regret it!

How to deal?

Sobriety first.

I get that there may be expectations that people attend. Or not. If you feel you must make an appearance -- and maybe you really don't have to -- I'd go and say that you're not able to stay for long but wanted to wish everyone a happy time. If you have to be "developing a cold," then develop one.

Sobriety first. Everything else, second.

Funny, for me not drinking in a social environment is easy, but its the coming home after and abstinence which is torture. I never wanted to drink with people, I couldn't wait to get home and neck a bottle alone.
Staying away from a trigger though is probably the easiest way forward right now!

I am the same way. I have no problem with not drinking in public but alone was when I did my heavy drinking. However, if I am at an event with people drinking it ignites the fire to stop on the way home and grab a bottle so I just avoid the trigger right now.