Mixed feelings.....is this normal??????
 

Hi everyone, would love some advice on this.........over the past few days im feeling anxious about xmas, its going to be the 1st booze free 1 ive done since my teens (unless ive been working) its only been 8 wks since my last drink so im still very early in recovery. I KNOW this is the right choice to live a sober life but im worried ill miss the boozy buzz of xmas, especially when im getting our big xmas dinner ready. It will feel alien to me to cook that sort of meal with no red wine in hand melting away the anxieties. I hate my AV!!!!! I don't think ill drink as i cant get away with it (partner is dead against me drinking again & he is so happy im sober) plus even if i could get away with it, ID KNOW & the guilt would be palpable. I should be bloody grateful that ive got 2 lovely little boys who r super excited about xmas & that should b enough of a buzz.....but its not & thats awful of me to feel like that!!!! Arghhhhh!!!!!

Hi Loulou - sure there's plenty of us feeling exactly the same way - norm for me would be none stop boozing from Christmas Eve until the day after New Years day and like you say whilst cooking the dinner is always the norm - from quite early on and all through the day.

Be quite interesting to see how the day pans out sober and looking forward to it - my only slight concern at present is as I have just posted elsewhere is my first night out on NYE but something I need to do to show to myself I can do it.

I'm certain we are going to have deal with huge cravings at times over the festive period but the buzz of having fun with your 2 boys will keep you going for sure.

Hope you have a great and sober Christmas and lets keep posting here to keep each other going with it :-)

Prob not the easiest time of the year but we'll get through it I'm sure and what a great way to start 2016 !!

I think everyone has FOMO (fear of missing out) at some time in the early days Loulou :)

I had FOMO even tho my drinking nearly killed me...insanity, right?

Let me put it this way...I missed out on a lot of my life from being drunk, sick, passed out or blacked out .

I honestly feel I've lived more in the last 8 years that the 20 before it.

And I have fun, and love, and friends and good times.

I love my life and I love who I am. I could never say that as a drinker.

I feel connected with people and event. I am truly present.

I wouldn't stay sober if it made me unhappy or I felt I was 'missing out' - noone would - that's basic human nature.

You gave drinking however many years?
give a little time to recovery and you'll see I'm right - I promise:)

D

Cheers Dee - your posts always make things clear and put things into perspective - FOMO is definitely a massive obstacle for me, however FOMO on my future and it all disappearing is keeping me focused on what's required and abstaining from any further drink or drugs.

Dee's right I think. There is so much to be gained in sobriety that things we miss out on can't begin to match. Maybe you could do a list and compare them.

Couldn't agree with Dee more.

I'm a bit further ahead than you, loulou, over 6 months now, but I haven't looked forward to Christmas this much in many, many years. I have 2 excited little girls, and I'm already feeling the Christmas spirit more than I can remember. I'm seeing this as a chance to reconnect with my inner child. Drinking through Christmas just dulls everything, adds a veil between me and the experience. A layer of adult cynicism "this experience isn't truly worthwhile unless I'm drunk". So I guess for me the MO part of FOMO comes from being drunk, not being sober. Sober is where the real fun party is at. I can't wait :)

This made me smile.

i felt weird for all the firsts- first christmas, fourth of july,birthday, monday,tuesday,wendesday,thursday....

with time sober i started enjoying those times sober.

I always fear the things Im missing out on, but theyre always replaced by something better.....sober holidays can actually be really rewarding, why don't you just try it out one day at a time and reward yourself with a special treat?

There is life after christmas dinner :)
There is life in sobriety .

Apathy to our own sobriety can sometimes set in , also romanticising the drinking .

Maybe try to change the routine a bit , prep the dinner beforehand so it's a quick microwave job rather than a self sacrificing performance .

I used to get resentful when people didn't notice how hard i'd slaved away at it .. Toxic resentment that lead to drinking .

Christmas day for me is a day for children and for adults to share in their wonder and excitement .

Last time i checked it wasn't about alcoholics like me and drinking .

Make a new plan , make some new golden memories for the future , it doesn't have to be fun at 8 weeks , you just got to get through.

All good things happen in time , be patient, give it time to work if you stay sober better things will happen and will keep on happening .

Bestwishes, m

This will be my 2nd Christmas sober. Last year it was little like walking on egg shells. Could I do it sober, did I really want sobriety, is it worth it???

Yes, yes and yes were the answers I discovered. Last year maybe there was a little - gee, I don't get to drink. Now it' s more like - Wow, I don' t have any desire to drink!

Now that's worth celebrating...........

You can do this if it's your number one priority!
Thanks for the thread

Hi loulou, I'm in the same boat (although we don't have kids). This will be my first Christmas sober. I don't know if this will help you, but I will share how I am approaching it. I've done Christmas drunk...a lot. I know what its like. Sometimes it has been a lot of fun, but it has been an embarrassing disaster as well. By being sober on Christmas I have one guarantee, it won't be an embarrassing disaster. I think your kids are going to really love you for it.

U know, i feel better knowing i can just come here when i need to talk about it, thanks so much for all ur replies.x

I really like what mecanix said. It doesn't have to be all fun. Just get through it. Fun will follow. If the cooking will be a trigger, maybe cater the meal this year. Have everyone bring a dish. Make sure you have something interesting and non alcoholic to drink.

Well done on 8 weeks. There's a lot of anxiety around at this time of year but you can get through it. I quit before Christmas. I focused on my kids.

Last year was my first Christmas morning in a long time that I didn't smile through hangover pain. I paid attention and savored it. Liked it so much, im gonna try it again.

Some traditions (some of mine, anyway) are better left in the past.

-and congrats with the 8 weeks!

From one cook to another loulou1981, you'll cook a much finer meal without that red wine, you'll taste it and enjoy it for the first time in years. And you'll wake up on Boxing Day ready to enjoy that.

Get yourself a fabulously expensive bottle of mineral water -- I love Norwegian! -- and some limes or lemons. Find a beautiful glass and enjoy.

Hi Loulou, I am in the same boat in that this will be my first sober Christmas since I was a teenager and have the same anxieties. You are not alone.

I have been struggling with the whole Christmas thing (I am coming up to 4 weeks sober), and more so the closer we get.

Gonna miss all that booze.... but then when I think through it, am I really?

Am I going to miss being too buzzed to have a meaningful conversation with my kids? Am I going to miss falling asleep after dinner and missing out on half the day? Am I going to miss feeling like crap when I wake up later that evening, but nevertheless ripping open yet another bottle *as soon as I can*? And am I going to miss waking up the next morning, feeling even worse than I did the evening before, and not actually remembering most of the day?

No, no, no, no!

Whenever I get the thought that Christmas Day will not be "right" without a drink (maybe I could have "just the one - its Christmas after all") - and that is happening several times a day now - I just fast forward the tape and I realise that I definitely don't want to be in THAT place.

And as a result I am in many ways really looking forward to Christmas Day - looking forward to focusing on what Christmas Day is all about and not where the next drink is coming from.

Hi Loulou
Thanks for posting! I think we may have given up the booze on exactly the same day so this is a good excuse to make contact!!

I feel exactly as you do about associating booze with " celebrations " and " happy" times....except, in reality they often weren't. In fact I can't remember most of what happened.

I'm preparing for that by researching non- alcoholic cocktails, and have bought lots of stuff I've never tried before like Tart Cherry juice and Pomegranate juice, mixed with ice cold fizzy water or tonic. I think Ruby2 has suggested something similar about alternatives above!

It may sound cheesy but I'm thinking , intriguing tasting " mocktails" may provide me with a distraction and will probably taste fine!!!!

We CAN do this Loulou!
Take care
TC x

Dee, you are a sage and I claim my £5.

(I also accept $'s)