Relapse prevention weekender Dec 18
Evening campers,
Funny watching that Remi Gaillard clip, in these terrorist obsessed times I would be very afraid like Soberpotamus says
Back from Ten Pin bowling, good fun, I am a lot better at it than I am Crazy Golf. Ate a slightly dubious pizza afterwards. Beats doing the laundry
Glad you did nothing rash Nons, 6 months isn't long but it can seem like it sometimes
Funny watching that Remi Gaillard clip, in these terrorist obsessed times I would be very afraid like Soberpotamus says
Back from Ten Pin bowling, good fun, I am a lot better at it than I am Crazy Golf. Ate a slightly dubious pizza afterwards. Beats doing the laundry
Glad you did nothing rash Nons, 6 months isn't long but it can seem like it sometimes
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Pizza sounds great right now, Sao. I've been nervous eating a little today. Two waffles with cream cheese and syrup again. Candy cane kisses. I need some real food at some point.
Tetra, funny pic.
Yes, those stats are scary. We were told that maybe 15% of us would stay sober -- so I walked out fairly depressed over that, but also determined that I'd be one of those who stayed stopped. It helped me to hear that, because I dug my heels in and firmed my resolve to do whatever it took to not drink again.
Tetra, funny pic.
Yes, those stats are scary. We were told that maybe 15% of us would stay sober -- so I walked out fairly depressed over that, but also determined that I'd be one of those who stayed stopped. It helped me to hear that, because I dug my heels in and firmed my resolve to do whatever it took to not drink again.
SP, I had the same reaction to those stats when I heard them. I told myself I was damn well going to be one of the 15%. I'm sure some people look at those stats and say something like "well if I relapse I'm in good company. Not that big a deal if so many people do." Not me. I have seen friends relapse after decades of sobriety and nearly die. Not. Gonna. Happen.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I wondered why they told us that. You know that lots of people will interpret that as some sort of deterministic statement -- thinking, oh, well, since I'm likely to relapse, why fight it?
And so they've set them up for a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And so they've set them up for a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They always give stats for recovery. We all have a choice not based on numbers. Numbers happen when people are trying to show success rates for facilities. We can do it. I stayed 100% sober yesterday. I will remain 100% sober today.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Yes, I agree, Ruby. Of course, we all have a choice. I hope others interpret it that way. I was just saying that there are people who might not interpret it that way, and might see it as sort of a permission slip to go drink.
I used it to help me stay firm in my resolve. And I hope others see it as such.
I used it to help me stay firm in my resolve. And I hope others see it as such.
.
Nice one, Tetra!
The Vardo Trailer in your Pic has a solid following in the Tiny House Universe. They certainly ooze Charm...
- Vardo Trailer/Tiny House Pix -
Da Wife was very happy today with the new Hair Salon she went to ~1 hour Drive away. Beats a 5+ Hour Drive back to Boulder in potentially-wicked Weather every 6 Weeks.
We got around to The Big Talk over Burritos she brought Home for Lunch: Alcohol + Boundaries. I caused it; quite by design. She'd Texted about going to see 'Spectre' tonight at a Theater that serves Alcohol. I Texted back that 'it sounded good to me so long as it's an Alcohol-free Evening'. I've learned the hard way to state expectations in advance in order to not get blindsided. Charlie Brown, here, is done kicking that Football.
Sooooo, she asked me about that Text over Lunch, and why there was the sudden 'shift' in my attitude toward Alcohol? A: 'Your increasing over-consumption'. An entire Bottle of Wine/Night repeatedly while RVing. An entire Bottle of Champagne Thanksgiving Night in some sort of 'I'll show me' style while drinking at me. I cited miserable Evenings involving over-consumption last year that took her DrunkAzz GF off my Socializing Dance Card as a Four-Some that could ever work again. I gave a few more examples where pertinent. No defensiveness, which helped a lot.
A lot more area was covered - like Summer BBQs with Guests - but I'll skip that here. She offered to move out if I was not happy. That approach has come up a few times before: all or nothing. No suggestion of Marriage Counseling, or talking it out.
I laid out how inexcusable it would have been for me to hop on a Spinning Bike set up at the foot of her rented Hospital Bed ~2 Years ago after she'd had both Knees Replaced. I used that as an illustration of what Spousal Support looks like. I kept reiterating that I know what Spousal Support looks like, and that limited Drinking around here ain't it. However, I didn't foreclose that possibility forever. I did note that, in Sobriety, one separates Holidays from 'having' to drink during them. I pointedly deconstructed the falsehood that her 'right' to Drink somehow equals my right to define my Sober existence, and solely define Boundaries. This entire discussion is going down in addition to her 'unquestioned' ~3x/Day Pot smoking.
I asked if it would be any big deal for her to quit Drinking for a Year for Health Reasons under Doctor's Orders [say, an onset of Pancreatitis]. A: 'No, of course not'. I drove my proverbial Truck through this opening that her quitting for a while to be supportive is no different, then. Nor is accommodating a Gal Pal for Dinner who is Gluten-intolerant. That is, skipping Gluten or Alcohol can be considered equal 'non Issues' that aren't some great put-out. It's all about Mindset. I'm working to deconstruct the 'Special Status' that Alcohol is assumed to enjoy. Quite the challenge...
Several substantial 'Lines In The Sand' were established [I think], so that was reassuring. The Devil will be in the details, but it was a good Chat to help de-stress the Holidays, and lay future, pragmatic Groundwork.
Me = 1. Chances of Relapse = 0.
.
Nice one, Tetra!
The Vardo Trailer in your Pic has a solid following in the Tiny House Universe. They certainly ooze Charm...
- Vardo Trailer/Tiny House Pix -
Da Wife was very happy today with the new Hair Salon she went to ~1 hour Drive away. Beats a 5+ Hour Drive back to Boulder in potentially-wicked Weather every 6 Weeks.
We got around to The Big Talk over Burritos she brought Home for Lunch: Alcohol + Boundaries. I caused it; quite by design. She'd Texted about going to see 'Spectre' tonight at a Theater that serves Alcohol. I Texted back that 'it sounded good to me so long as it's an Alcohol-free Evening'. I've learned the hard way to state expectations in advance in order to not get blindsided. Charlie Brown, here, is done kicking that Football.
Sooooo, she asked me about that Text over Lunch, and why there was the sudden 'shift' in my attitude toward Alcohol? A: 'Your increasing over-consumption'. An entire Bottle of Wine/Night repeatedly while RVing. An entire Bottle of Champagne Thanksgiving Night in some sort of 'I'll show me' style while drinking at me. I cited miserable Evenings involving over-consumption last year that took her DrunkAzz GF off my Socializing Dance Card as a Four-Some that could ever work again. I gave a few more examples where pertinent. No defensiveness, which helped a lot.
A lot more area was covered - like Summer BBQs with Guests - but I'll skip that here. She offered to move out if I was not happy. That approach has come up a few times before: all or nothing. No suggestion of Marriage Counseling, or talking it out.
I laid out how inexcusable it would have been for me to hop on a Spinning Bike set up at the foot of her rented Hospital Bed ~2 Years ago after she'd had both Knees Replaced. I used that as an illustration of what Spousal Support looks like. I kept reiterating that I know what Spousal Support looks like, and that limited Drinking around here ain't it. However, I didn't foreclose that possibility forever. I did note that, in Sobriety, one separates Holidays from 'having' to drink during them. I pointedly deconstructed the falsehood that her 'right' to Drink somehow equals my right to define my Sober existence, and solely define Boundaries. This entire discussion is going down in addition to her 'unquestioned' ~3x/Day Pot smoking.
I asked if it would be any big deal for her to quit Drinking for a Year for Health Reasons under Doctor's Orders [say, an onset of Pancreatitis]. A: 'No, of course not'. I drove my proverbial Truck through this opening that her quitting for a while to be supportive is no different, then. Nor is accommodating a Gal Pal for Dinner who is Gluten-intolerant. That is, skipping Gluten or Alcohol can be considered equal 'non Issues' that aren't some great put-out. It's all about Mindset. I'm working to deconstruct the 'Special Status' that Alcohol is assumed to enjoy. Quite the challenge...
Several substantial 'Lines In The Sand' were established [I think], so that was reassuring. The Devil will be in the details, but it was a good Chat to help de-stress the Holidays, and lay future, pragmatic Groundwork.
Me = 1. Chances of Relapse = 0.
.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I don't know why they have to resort to this black or white kind of thinking.
This is Mr. Potamus's typical retort.
Sounds like you had a solid discussion with your wife Mesaman. Well done.
I am also careful in how I interpret relapse statistics. It is hard to quantify the hard work that goes into living sober on this bus everyday.
Glad your father is out of hospital Ruby. Sounds like he is recovering.
I hope things are improving on the home front SP.
Quiet evening here. Mrs B is asleep on the couch beside me, Finn is asleep on my chest. Gid Coe is playing sone nice tunes on the digital wireless. All is good with the world.
All Star Wars discussion is banned on this site until I see the movie!
B
I am also careful in how I interpret relapse statistics. It is hard to quantify the hard work that goes into living sober on this bus everyday.
Glad your father is out of hospital Ruby. Sounds like he is recovering.
I hope things are improving on the home front SP.
Quiet evening here. Mrs B is asleep on the couch beside me, Finn is asleep on my chest. Gid Coe is playing sone nice tunes on the digital wireless. All is good with the world.
All Star Wars discussion is banned on this site until I see the movie!
B
Greetings my fellow Sober Enders!
Just killing a bit of time before I can climb into the car and head home. I am really looking forward to this week being done. It has been a bear.
The only negative about the upcoming weekend is the unfortunate work place holiday party scheduled for Saturday.
No worry of me drinking. I do not drink anymore.
It is the small talk and socializing I am so not looking forward to. I am not a people person. At all. I will stay for an hour and then head back home.
Alrighty then, just a little shuffling of papers and I can head home.
I would love snow for Christmas as well, Bim!!!
Just killing a bit of time before I can climb into the car and head home. I am really looking forward to this week being done. It has been a bear.
The only negative about the upcoming weekend is the unfortunate work place holiday party scheduled for Saturday.
No worry of me drinking. I do not drink anymore.
It is the small talk and socializing I am so not looking forward to. I am not a people person. At all. I will stay for an hour and then head back home.
Alrighty then, just a little shuffling of papers and I can head home.
I would love snow for Christmas as well, Bim!!!
.
I'm big on rehearsing my Lines. It changes my Vocal Tone, and lowers Defensiveness, I think.
Back in the Stone Age, we learned that some 70% of Communication is non-Verbal. Hence, all the fine maneuvering/interpreting in Job Interviews.
Astonishingly, she's way into issuing 'Drinking Limits' in advance on Summer Guests. I Bottle of Wine; split among several Folks. 1 Drink up front. Then, switch to non-Alcoholic Beverages. This was a pretty huge breakthrough. I firmly stated that, if Folks drop me, they drop me. Dry Cheeks [no Tears will be shed over that possible outcome].
This Chat today had all the appearances of Progress. I've always walked away from Throw Downs, like moving out. No reaction deflates the verbal puffery to nothing.
The many hundreds of Posts and situations I've read about here on SR has been about like Jail House Law School for Addicts Sobering up. As when Inmates get very adept at Law to help themselves. The earnest POVs here have been invaluable in formulating my Positions, and in knowing I'm not alone.
Thank you all...
.
I'm big on rehearsing my Lines. It changes my Vocal Tone, and lowers Defensiveness, I think.
Back in the Stone Age, we learned that some 70% of Communication is non-Verbal. Hence, all the fine maneuvering/interpreting in Job Interviews.
Astonishingly, she's way into issuing 'Drinking Limits' in advance on Summer Guests. I Bottle of Wine; split among several Folks. 1 Drink up front. Then, switch to non-Alcoholic Beverages. This was a pretty huge breakthrough. I firmly stated that, if Folks drop me, they drop me. Dry Cheeks [no Tears will be shed over that possible outcome].
This Chat today had all the appearances of Progress. I've always walked away from Throw Downs, like moving out. No reaction deflates the verbal puffery to nothing.
The many hundreds of Posts and situations I've read about here on SR has been about like Jail House Law School for Addicts Sobering up. As when Inmates get very adept at Law to help themselves. The earnest POVs here have been invaluable in formulating my Positions, and in knowing I'm not alone.
Thank you all...
.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)