When do I pull the plug
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
When do I pull the plug
I am going to end up going crazy. I have family issues that make desperate housewives blush. All I want is a nice Holiday vacation with my wife. This is ending up being a complex algorithm. I'm getting close to simply wanting out of it all. I'm serious. File for divorce, divide assets, move to Alaska and get a job as a mailman. My mind is like scrambled eggs and it's not alcohol. What would you do?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
I didn't use any wrecking balls Jeff...I just accepted this wasn't a fight or an atmosphere that was good for me, and I quietly stepped back.
If you want to make others see your point of view, or do what you think they should do, then you have a problem.
At this stage of your recovery I think you'd do well to consider this IS not your fight, and as I said, put your focus elsewhere.
D
If you want to make others see your point of view, or do what you think they should do, then you have a problem.
At this stage of your recovery I think you'd do well to consider this IS not your fight, and as I said, put your focus elsewhere.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I have just had it. Tonight was the final staw. My 70 year old mother has been secretly following on facebook because she doesn't approve of my business relationship friends. My brother in law is still absolutely "pickled" and I'm sure he will have health issues soon. My wife can't make a decision to save her life. My dog is already depressed because he see's her packing a suitcase. Lastly, my dad is still heavily addicted to oxy and I had to bail him out yet again yesterday because he couldn't take it. I'm done. Guess who's #1 for the rest of my life....ME. Sorry, had to get that off my chest.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
I came to the foum tonight hoping that you had posted. I'm glad you're here. That means you're still fighting. Fight hard, Thomas. You can live a sober life. You know you can.
Family is not always easy. They're people with their own strengths, personalities and needs, after all. This particular family is yours, with warts. They care about you.
Not having anyone care about you is much, much worse.
When you feel like running away read a book. This is a spontaneous, but serious suggestion. Relax and lose yourself for a little while in a good story.
Take care.
Family is not always easy. They're people with their own strengths, personalities and needs, after all. This particular family is yours, with warts. They care about you.
Not having anyone care about you is much, much worse.
When you feel like running away read a book. This is a spontaneous, but serious suggestion. Relax and lose yourself for a little while in a good story.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
Hello thomas11,
I feel for you brother. They have problems but they are not your problems unless you make them so. Do what you can to help but stop destroying yourself.
Take your vacation and turn the cell phone off.
I feel for you brother. They have problems but they are not your problems unless you make them so. Do what you can to help but stop destroying yourself.
Take your vacation and turn the cell phone off.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I gave up trying to fix people or situations,
Other people will be judgemental , it's not for me to respond to that ,
Other people can have dramas and problems, it isn't always for me to fix things or even offer an opinion .
There is a lot of life that happens outside my control or influence .
By being more careful in what things i pick up and run with, i think the results are better and i am less spent as an individual . just because we see a mess we don't necessarily need to deal with it .
Take care , remember to do some self care and do something good for yourself , m
Other people will be judgemental , it's not for me to respond to that ,
Other people can have dramas and problems, it isn't always for me to fix things or even offer an opinion .
There is a lot of life that happens outside my control or influence .
By being more careful in what things i pick up and run with, i think the results are better and i am less spent as an individual . just because we see a mess we don't necessarily need to deal with it .
Take care , remember to do some self care and do something good for yourself , m
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
That is their stuff Jeff, you stick to worrying about yours. Just live your life in a good, healthy way and there is nothing that you have to be ashamed of. I'll post again the Italian quote I like to try and live by "male non fare, paura non avere" Don't do anything wrong and you have nothing to fear.
So what if your mom is following you on Facebook, if you aren't doing anything wrong what is there to hide or fear? She can approve, disapprove, like, not like all she wants. That is her stuff.
Watching the addictions of another is frustrating and heartbreaking but as an addict yourself you know full well there is nothing you can do. Until they are ready to make a change this is how they will be. Probably the best thing you can do is model positive change for them.
I'm not sure what is up with your wife so it is difficult to advise you there, my apologies if you posted more infer in another thread and I missed it. In any case, no one is perfect. Some people can't make decisions. Others are sloppy around the house. Others still forget to pay bills. We all have our own stuff to work on. I get your frustration with her lack of being able to make a decision, but again, that is her stuff. If she is your wife and you love her you can try to help her. Or you can just accept her for who she is, flaws and all.
It sounds like you are really frustrated and could use some time away to clear your head. Can you get out daily for a walk or some exercise? I'm not sure where you are with you PT right now, so if a long walk isn't an option what about a ride in the countryside listening to good music?
So what if your mom is following you on Facebook, if you aren't doing anything wrong what is there to hide or fear? She can approve, disapprove, like, not like all she wants. That is her stuff.
Watching the addictions of another is frustrating and heartbreaking but as an addict yourself you know full well there is nothing you can do. Until they are ready to make a change this is how they will be. Probably the best thing you can do is model positive change for them.
I'm not sure what is up with your wife so it is difficult to advise you there, my apologies if you posted more infer in another thread and I missed it. In any case, no one is perfect. Some people can't make decisions. Others are sloppy around the house. Others still forget to pay bills. We all have our own stuff to work on. I get your frustration with her lack of being able to make a decision, but again, that is her stuff. If she is your wife and you love her you can try to help her. Or you can just accept her for who she is, flaws and all.
It sounds like you are really frustrated and could use some time away to clear your head. Can you get out daily for a walk or some exercise? I'm not sure where you are with you PT right now, so if a long walk isn't an option what about a ride in the countryside listening to good music?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
What the guys n gals are telling you thomas is that it you continue to let this stress you then sooner or later you are going to pick up the bottle....and then its not going to matter what other problems people have because yours will be worse. So first things first, try to chill out, protect your sobriety. Then, and only then, take a fresh look at what you need to resolve some of these other issues.
btw, you don't know how lucky you have it, my wife takes all the decisions.
btw, you don't know how lucky you have it, my wife takes all the decisions.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
We cannot change the behaviour of others, but we can change our own. I know gratitude lists have already been suggested and I find them helpful; it just helps to stay mindful and focused. Sobriety can clear a lot of things up, things usually become clearer in my opinion and it's best to deal with these tricky family situations with a clear head. I'm glad you are here and sharing :-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Jeff you've been working hard at your own business for years. What are you doing now? For you and for others? I'm not asking that you answer those questions here, I'm suggesting that you ask them of yourself.
You are a person of great energy and drive. Use those attributes well.
You are a person of great energy and drive. Use those attributes well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi,
This has almost certainly been asked and answered before, but are you seeing a counsellor about any of this? The thing is, we can offer general tips and suggestions, but we don't have anywhere near enough information on which to base any solid advice about your own family situation, and very importantly, you are the one who then has to live with the consequences of whatever you do, not us. That has to be your decision based on what's right for you and your family.
If you need help with figuring out what's best, I very, very, very strongly urge you to see a professional counsellor who can help you work through all the options. Help you sort through what's real, and what might be just your perception of what's real (I throw that one out there simply because of what we've seen of your relationship with alcohol). To help you come to terms with things you can and should try to change, and what is outside your control. To help you set your priorities.
I know in the past I was guilty of thinking therapy was only for people with serious mental health issues, not just anyone going through a rough time. But I was completely wrong about that. If you've tried it before and felt it didn't work, keep in mind there are many different therapeutic approaches, and the relationship you form with the individual counsellor is crucial. So you might have just tried the wrong approach, and/or were working with the wrong individual counsellor. Please do give it another chance with someone else. I really do think it could make a real difference to your life.
This has almost certainly been asked and answered before, but are you seeing a counsellor about any of this? The thing is, we can offer general tips and suggestions, but we don't have anywhere near enough information on which to base any solid advice about your own family situation, and very importantly, you are the one who then has to live with the consequences of whatever you do, not us. That has to be your decision based on what's right for you and your family.
If you need help with figuring out what's best, I very, very, very strongly urge you to see a professional counsellor who can help you work through all the options. Help you sort through what's real, and what might be just your perception of what's real (I throw that one out there simply because of what we've seen of your relationship with alcohol). To help you come to terms with things you can and should try to change, and what is outside your control. To help you set your priorities.
I know in the past I was guilty of thinking therapy was only for people with serious mental health issues, not just anyone going through a rough time. But I was completely wrong about that. If you've tried it before and felt it didn't work, keep in mind there are many different therapeutic approaches, and the relationship you form with the individual counsellor is crucial. So you might have just tried the wrong approach, and/or were working with the wrong individual counsellor. Please do give it another chance with someone else. I really do think it could make a real difference to your life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I didn't use any wrecking balls Jeff...I just accepted this wasn't a fight or an atmosphere that was good for me, and I quietly stepped back.
If you want to make others see your point of view, or do what you think they should do, then you have a problem.
At this stage of your recovery I think you'd do well to consider this IS not your fight, and as I said, put your focus elsewhere.
D
If you want to make others see your point of view, or do what you think they should do, then you have a problem.
At this stage of your recovery I think you'd do well to consider this IS not your fight, and as I said, put your focus elsewhere.
D
In the US we have a saying (not sure about the rest of the world) about office politics or family drama and we call them "reindeer games". Seems appropriate this time of year.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by thomas11
But it doesn't take away the fact that sometimes the idiocy makes me FURIOUS. And last night I got as close to being furious as I have been in a long time.
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