Here again!
 

So I'm boozing again, been drinking five days in a row, feeling very out of control. Feeling edgy even though tanked up right now. Been eating rubbish completely paranoid about everything and one absolute nightmare. Why do I keep doing this!
I just can't stop drinking I feel like I'm slowly losing control of every aspect of my life. Feeling very low.

Because you're an alcoholic, Jennifer. I'm glad you're back and ready to start again. We're here for you!

Well I'm sick of failing, I know when I eventually sleep I'll have nightmares ,be up in night with tummy pain etc... And yet by five in the afternoon all I'll be thinking of is drinking.
Feeling very overwhelmed, so sick of being here again and again and again will it ever stop why can't I just function normally.
Please don't say it's because I'm an alcoholic I hate labels at the best of times.... And I know I am

Why not just see how it's so much better not being hungover the following day? You're only drinking every day because being drunk is a lot better than being hungover. The day you wake up without a trace of alcohol in your system will be the next best day of your life.

Time to do things differently. There are many in AA who have been through exactly the same thing. Have you tried that?

Seriously going to AA is not an option for me.

Please don't do what I did,which is put off going to AA for years,I had al sorts of ideas what it would be like.I continued to drink and it got worse.

All my pre-conceived ideas about the fellowship were wrong.I have not drank since my first meeting over 12years ago.For many Alcoholics AA is the only thing that works for them.

Wishing you well.

How come??? Are there any other groups u could attend or perhaps AA online??

SMART groups are available in the UK. Here is a guide to the UK meetingsMeetings | UK SMART Recovery

The AVRT method can be used. You can get info in the secular section of this site.

Hope you find something soon.

Is living your life the way you are living it now a better option?

AA may not be "for you" but if you truly want to quit and get sober you will need to have a plan/program to follow. And whatever that plan is it will involve you doing things you are not comfortable doing.

There are many options - Detox, rehab( inpatient or outpatient), counseling, Meeting based recovery ( AA, Smart, Life Ring, etc ), self paced recovery( AVRT, etc ), even SR itself can be part of a sobriety plan.

But take a look at what you've written here - even though you know you shouldn't be drinking you do it anyway. That to me indicates that you are going to need some external help to get started. You could also call the samartians hotline being in the UK and they could get you directed towards some resources to get you started.

The good news is that anyone can get sober if they really want to...including you.

Hang in there Jennifer! just believe in yourself and your goals. Certain ways of getting sober might not appeal to you (AA is not something for me right now either). But always have a plan and stick to it the best that you can. And always don't be afraid to ask for help or reach out to talk to someone! We are here for you.

Scottie

Hi JenniferJenn,

I wouldn't worry about labels right now. You know you have a problem with alcohol, which is all that's important right now.

I didn't go the AA route myself. For me it was a combination of AVRT, which I heard about in the Secular forums on here, and also reading Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking book. And of course spending a lot of time reading posts, and eventually posting, here on SR. But there are many, many other approaches. You just need to find the right one for you.

The key thing is that just hoping you'll stop isn't a plan with a very good success rate. You will need to take active steps. Figure out how you will deal with situations that you're used to drinking in. Be able to recognise those urges and act to head them off before you've opened that bottle and started drinking.

You can do this.

Jen- it took me years to go to AA. The shame and horror-all those people questioning me, giving me a hard time. Absolutely untrue. I sat at the back-no one bothered me. A few people smiled and said hello but that's it. Nice people. All with an alcohol problem-they will not judge you, they will welcome you. It is VERY anonymous. All are their for the same reason so I wouldn't worry about seeing them on the street or office. I've come to believe it was my addiction that feared the place so much.

If nothing else try to get a decent meal in yourself.