Can I come back?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 9
Can I come back?
I hope you don't mind me coming back here. I love reading this forum and I believe getting involved will help me. The kindness and understanding given here is something I feel I wont be able to find elsewhere. I am currently on day 2 (again)
Its been over a year since i wrote on this forum. I was 9 days sober and full of hope. I managed to achieve almost a month of sobriety when someone I cared about and respected died. I drank at the funeral, and the day after....and for a long while after. Fast forward to June and i suddenly didn't want to drink. Was not at rock bottom or recovering from a bender. I just didn't fancy a drink. I went with it and stopped drinking. A week later i found out i was pregnant, so clearly my body was rejecting the idea of alcohol to protect the embryo. I was very early in the pregnancy and had stopped drinking before i would have even tested positive on a test. I was so relieved, amazed and grateful. I quit smoking cigarettes and looked forward to the future and my new baby.
3 months later i suffered from a miscarriage. I was distraught. So upset and i could not be consoled by anyone. I started drinking wine again, started smoking again. I was so angry that i couldn't see that i was making a huge mistake. My Dr said i didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't my fault, but still i blamed myself. I must have destroyed by body in the past to the point that i couldn't even carry my own child to term. I didn't care that my Dr disagreed. I was sure of it. It was my fault and i was being punished. I wholeheartedly deserved everything i got because allowed drink to control me for so long prior.
That was at the the end of August. I drank, but I didn't drink everyday and definitely had breaks of a week here and there. Its only the last month that I've got pretty bad. I drankk a bottle wine and a few glasses of vodka every night. Fatter and more depressed than I've ever been in my life i decided to change (again). I got to day 2 and drank wine again. I also had some lager (yuck). I woke up the next morning and realized that i was a full blown alcoholic and that its now or never. I feel stronger now that I have admitted that. I used to say i had a 'drink problem' or i was 'on my way' to being an alcoholic but i still had time to drink more until i got that bad. Now I have accepted that I am an alcoholic and I have to make a choice for the sake of my husband and my children.
I have begun to write a diary and will post my entries on here to hold myself accountable. I have a plan and I have conviction. I know i am capable of this and I know the benefits will be infinite.
One day at a time. Step by step, I will do this.
Thanks for taking the time to read and i hope to stay here as long as possible.
Its been over a year since i wrote on this forum. I was 9 days sober and full of hope. I managed to achieve almost a month of sobriety when someone I cared about and respected died. I drank at the funeral, and the day after....and for a long while after. Fast forward to June and i suddenly didn't want to drink. Was not at rock bottom or recovering from a bender. I just didn't fancy a drink. I went with it and stopped drinking. A week later i found out i was pregnant, so clearly my body was rejecting the idea of alcohol to protect the embryo. I was very early in the pregnancy and had stopped drinking before i would have even tested positive on a test. I was so relieved, amazed and grateful. I quit smoking cigarettes and looked forward to the future and my new baby.
3 months later i suffered from a miscarriage. I was distraught. So upset and i could not be consoled by anyone. I started drinking wine again, started smoking again. I was so angry that i couldn't see that i was making a huge mistake. My Dr said i didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't my fault, but still i blamed myself. I must have destroyed by body in the past to the point that i couldn't even carry my own child to term. I didn't care that my Dr disagreed. I was sure of it. It was my fault and i was being punished. I wholeheartedly deserved everything i got because allowed drink to control me for so long prior.
That was at the the end of August. I drank, but I didn't drink everyday and definitely had breaks of a week here and there. Its only the last month that I've got pretty bad. I drankk a bottle wine and a few glasses of vodka every night. Fatter and more depressed than I've ever been in my life i decided to change (again). I got to day 2 and drank wine again. I also had some lager (yuck). I woke up the next morning and realized that i was a full blown alcoholic and that its now or never. I feel stronger now that I have admitted that. I used to say i had a 'drink problem' or i was 'on my way' to being an alcoholic but i still had time to drink more until i got that bad. Now I have accepted that I am an alcoholic and I have to make a choice for the sake of my husband and my children.
I have begun to write a diary and will post my entries on here to hold myself accountable. I have a plan and I have conviction. I know i am capable of this and I know the benefits will be infinite.
One day at a time. Step by step, I will do this.
Thanks for taking the time to read and i hope to stay here as long as possible.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Welcome back MamaHope! I'm so sorry about your loss. :-( You are in my prayers. Stick around here and maybe join the December class for extra support! I only have 31 days but I can't believe how much better I already feel & you will too! :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 9
Thank you KiKi0615. Well done for 31 days! i can only imagine you feel great and i am very much looking forward to all the wonderful things to come. Its so nice to look forward and see the sun instead of the dark. I will definitely check out the December class.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,343
Originally Posted by MamaHope 
I have begun to write a diary and will post my entries on here to hold myself accountable. I have a plan and I have conviction. I know i am capable of this and I know the benefits will be infinite.
One day at a time. Step by step, I will do this.
Thanks for taking the time to read and i hope to stay here as long as possible.
One day at a time. Step by step, I will do this.
Thanks for taking the time to read and i hope to stay here as long as possible.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hey welcome mamahope, so sorry u had such an awful experience, must have been devastating. It's great that ur back here, good idea about keeping a diary.
I come on here everyday & read as much as i can, i have a very long way to go (2 months this wkend) but this is the longest ive ever done.
I'm like u, once i accepted i was an alcoholic i felt utter relief & ready to make a real hard go at it. Good luck.x
I come on here everyday & read as much as i can, i have a very long way to go (2 months this wkend) but this is the longest ive ever done.
I'm like u, once i accepted i was an alcoholic i felt utter relief & ready to make a real hard go at it. Good luck.x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Awww, that's horrible, so sorry for your loss. I miscarried twice and it sucks. You're doing the right thing by coming back here for support. And please listen to your doctor! Miscarriages happen all the time and there is usually no rhyme or reason for them. Take care of yourself.
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