Spouses
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by LBrain 
If your husband or wife became wheel chair bound, would you build a ramp to help them get into the house? Would you change the layout of the home to make it easier for them?
I know it's not the same thing.
Or is it?
I know it's not the same thing.
Or is it?
I'd also like to add that no one is demanding thier spouse to stop drinking Mrs sw demanded a no alcohol zone before she moved bk in
And if the spouse is a normie there really shouldn't be a problem not drinking in the house & around them not unless the other person has a problem stopping drinking in front of a recovering alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Congrats on 19 days!
Feedback from the other side FWIW...
It is very easy for me to think - well, how much support were you to him while you were drinking? If you were anything like my partner, not much and sporadic at best. You had the right to drink, and I could guess, you took it - no matter the consequence to you or him. Now, you want to take that right from him - even though he is not the one with the problem.
That's my old, codie brain....and man, I was ANGRY for a long time. Pure speculation that that may be where your hubs brain is lingering. That is where I would have been before learning about recovery for me.
Just saying, he may not have the information, the skills, the tools, or be in a place in your relationship to be able to support you much on not drinking - after all - that is yours, for YOU!
That being said, after spending the better part of 3 years here and in Alanon, and gaining an ounce of compassion, and a realization of my own faults and wrongs in the relationship, I would be much more inclined to be supportive of a non drinking partner. The past is forgiven - not forgotten, and hopefully he doesn't want to go back to it as much as I don't.
Would he be willing to check out a support group? Alanon or an online forum for friends and family of alcoholics? He may be able to get some clarity,support, and even empathy there. I can't say enough for BOTH partners getting some help for themselves, and eventually for the relationship.
Hoping the best for you and at minimum, a sound compromise with your hubs.
Feedback from the other side FWIW...
It is very easy for me to think - well, how much support were you to him while you were drinking? If you were anything like my partner, not much and sporadic at best. You had the right to drink, and I could guess, you took it - no matter the consequence to you or him. Now, you want to take that right from him - even though he is not the one with the problem.
That's my old, codie brain....and man, I was ANGRY for a long time. Pure speculation that that may be where your hubs brain is lingering. That is where I would have been before learning about recovery for me.
Just saying, he may not have the information, the skills, the tools, or be in a place in your relationship to be able to support you much on not drinking - after all - that is yours, for YOU!
That being said, after spending the better part of 3 years here and in Alanon, and gaining an ounce of compassion, and a realization of my own faults and wrongs in the relationship, I would be much more inclined to be supportive of a non drinking partner. The past is forgiven - not forgotten, and hopefully he doesn't want to go back to it as much as I don't.
Would he be willing to check out a support group? Alanon or an online forum for friends and family of alcoholics? He may be able to get some clarity,support, and even empathy there. I can't say enough for BOTH partners getting some help for themselves, and eventually for the relationship.
Hoping the best for you and at minimum, a sound compromise with your hubs.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
I think it's pretty unfair of him to have said it that way especially.
But...at least in my situation, I'm the one who wants to be sober, the one who doesn't want to drink. If my wife wants to drink, that's her choice and I'm not going to force a decision on her that's the result of MY problem. In fact I wouldn't even think of asking her not to drink, because that would be unfair too.
I figure life isn't going to shield me from alcohol - at all- so I should get used to the idea that it's going to be around. And anyway if I really don't want to drink it's not gonna matter (that's Allen Carr talking there).
But...at least in my situation, I'm the one who wants to be sober, the one who doesn't want to drink. If my wife wants to drink, that's her choice and I'm not going to force a decision on her that's the result of MY problem. In fact I wouldn't even think of asking her not to drink, because that would be unfair too.
I figure life isn't going to shield me from alcohol - at all- so I should get used to the idea that it's going to be around. And anyway if I really don't want to drink it's not gonna matter (that's Allen Carr talking there).
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