RevivingOphelia

Glad you're back on track and hope you stay strong with staying away from the wine (my go-to as well back in the day) when crisis hits.

I'm sorry for your crappy financial situation and awful ex-business partner's behaviour; however, this statement really stuck out for me.

You entered a legal contract with your ex-husband. I understand that you want to prove to others that you did not marry him for his money, but you are entitled to access money that a marriage contract affords. You're letting your pride get in the way of having a more satisfying life (and one that is a bit more on par to your ex's) for your family that you are well within your rights--legally and ethically--to have.

If not alimony (which you are completely entitled to, especially if the marriage was over a certain amount of years), then at least the maximum child support that such a wealthy man can afford.

There is no loss in dignity in requiring one's ex-spouse to fulfill the financial obligations of the legal contract they entered into when they married. Moreover, there is no loss in dignity and having the means to create a life for your kids that is more financially comfortable. That's what marriage contracts are for, and I wouldn't give a hoot what others thought if it meant my family would have a better life.

Onwards to better and healthier days, Merv., but please consider alleviating some of the financial anxiety for yourself and family by pursuing the monies in which you are absolutely entitled.

Meraviglioso

I know that you are right. I am working on that. I am. I was just so deeply insulted by the idea that people thought I would go after someone for money. It all happened at a time that I was no quite so articulate in Italian, I was still finding my way here, understanding the culture. I wanted to shout at everyone "you don't know me! you have no idea how I have worked my tail off my entire life to get to where I am!" I don't know why I cared (and apparently still do care) so much, but it is something that wounded me in a very profound way. I have always had issues with money. I grew up in a loving but very poor home. My mother struggled to make ends meet and we often had to go without. I am very sensitive to anything that has to do with money. I would imagine due to growing up poor (things have since turned around for my mother, as well as myself, through hard work) I value being independent and never having to depend on anyone. i recognize that that thinking is misguided but it is difficult to erase.

Dee74

As a man, I'd expect to pay half towards the upkeep of my kids - no matter if I was a battler living from pay to pay or a multi-millionaire.

Just a man's view

D

OpenTuning

I actually do understand how you can think that way. The feeling of injustice from being falsely accused of something. Happened to me over something relatively trivial but the amount it upset me was way out of proportion. Even nearly 30 years later I still get worked up about it. How could anyone think that a) I would do what they thought I did and b) would then lie about it?

But, what it boils down to is this. You know why you married your husband. And that's it. If people thought you married him for his money, then him paying alimony and/or child support won't change that. But you refusing those won't change that either. They either won't know, just think it's temporary while you try to prove a point, or more likely will just change the rules so now they'll look down on you for not letting him help support his children. That kind of nasty gossiper will always find a reason to reinforce what they originally thought about you. Because the other option is to admit they were wrong about you. And they will not do that.

thomas11

Hi Mera, I have been following your posts, I just haven't commented. I was sorry to see that you slipped, but I can almost understand. The way you've explained it, you have been wronged. You're obviously a very bright person and you know that wine has never solved an issue. Glad to hear you're back on track. Right? Is there any possibility you can simply wash your hands of this issue and move forward....start fresh?