It Gets Better
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 192
Not going to be complete sunshine and rainbows. But I'm still going to share because I hope it could help someone else out there like me.
I'm not very far into sobriety. About a month I believe. And I still have rough days where I wake up sad and go to sleep sad. Then I have days where I smile and feel human. A lot of things are still weighing on me. Wondering if certain things about me will ever heal. I drive myself crazy with all the what if questions.
But I know one thing with absolute certainty. When I wake up in the morning, instead of reaching for the bottle I'm going to make tea instead. Instead of laying around drunk all day I'm going to make sure the house is spotless. I know that when I feel ready to go back out into the world, I'm not going to be so drunk I forget what I did that day.
So far, yes I would say things are better.
I'm not very far into sobriety. About a month I believe. And I still have rough days where I wake up sad and go to sleep sad. Then I have days where I smile and feel human. A lot of things are still weighing on me. Wondering if certain things about me will ever heal. I drive myself crazy with all the what if questions.
But I know one thing with absolute certainty. When I wake up in the morning, instead of reaching for the bottle I'm going to make tea instead. Instead of laying around drunk all day I'm going to make sure the house is spotless. I know that when I feel ready to go back out into the world, I'm not going to be so drunk I forget what I did that day.
So far, yes I would say things are better.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Venecia - thought of your thread a bit ago.........
Today is proof it gets better - Nothing grandiose , just quiet time well spent with body, mind and spirit aligned together and close family..........Home and on SR!
Today is proof it gets better - Nothing grandiose , just quiet time well spent with body, mind and spirit aligned together and close family..........Home and on SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Thanks Fly n Buy. Nice of you to bump it, friend.
Today, throughout SR, you'll find posts from those cherishing the holiday in the new lives they've chosen. There are also posts from those who struggle, whose turmoil is amplified by the holidays.
If you're new, or struggling, please take a moment to hear from many folks here that the tough times don't last forever. That sobriety and recovery truly do offer us a new leaf.
And, if you're a fellow journeyer with some time amassed -- sober for six months or more -- please feel free to add your own encouragement to this thread. Frame it however you want.
Or simply add your name by reposting those three true words of hope: It Gets Better.
Today, throughout SR, you'll find posts from those cherishing the holiday in the new lives they've chosen. There are also posts from those who struggle, whose turmoil is amplified by the holidays.
If you're new, or struggling, please take a moment to hear from many folks here that the tough times don't last forever. That sobriety and recovery truly do offer us a new leaf.
And, if you're a fellow journeyer with some time amassed -- sober for six months or more -- please feel free to add your own encouragement to this thread. Frame it however you want.
Or simply add your name by reposting those three true words of hope: It Gets Better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Amazing post Venecia!! 
Xmas for me used to simply be drink all day, and wake up the next day in a bad place, hangover, regrets, hating myself, it was an awful time for many years.
The myth and fairytales that alcohol sells are real though, that we need it to enjoy ourselves, how do we deal with others, how do we stick to non alcoholic drinks, how do we be a non drinker at a time when everyone seems to be drinking.
Well, news just in, alcohol is not the centre of the social universe, it does not have to be at the centre of the holiday period, and the other thing I've learnt is life doesn't have to be going at a million miles an hour, what's wrong with sitting on Xmas night with a nice book and a cup of tea, reflecting on the previous year, going to bed and enjoying the calmness, the peacefulness and the real joy of spending time doing something that isn't destroying us.
It takes time to get to that place, and so for anyone starting out . . .
It Gets Better!!
Xmas for me used to simply be drink all day, and wake up the next day in a bad place, hangover, regrets, hating myself, it was an awful time for many years.
The myth and fairytales that alcohol sells are real though, that we need it to enjoy ourselves, how do we deal with others, how do we stick to non alcoholic drinks, how do we be a non drinker at a time when everyone seems to be drinking.
Well, news just in, alcohol is not the centre of the social universe, it does not have to be at the centre of the holiday period, and the other thing I've learnt is life doesn't have to be going at a million miles an hour, what's wrong with sitting on Xmas night with a nice book and a cup of tea, reflecting on the previous year, going to bed and enjoying the calmness, the peacefulness and the real joy of spending time doing something that isn't destroying us.
It takes time to get to that place, and so for anyone starting out . . .
It Gets Better!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
I've often times found that telling folks that 'it gets better' was a recipe for disaster; especially if their life didn't get better.....
I agree with Patty O, from southern California, who likes to say, "Folks like to say, 'When I don't drink, I don't get drunk, and my life gets..............BETTER!!' Oh NOT true. When I don't drink, I don't get drunk, and my life gets..............DIFFERENT!!"
There are times when I feel it's better, and times when it just SUCKS. But I guarantee........it's DIFFERENT all the times.
So, I guess I'll post my three true words of hope: It Gets Different.
(o:
I agree with Patty O, from southern California, who likes to say, "Folks like to say, 'When I don't drink, I don't get drunk, and my life gets..............BETTER!!' Oh NOT true. When I don't drink, I don't get drunk, and my life gets..............DIFFERENT!!"
There are times when I feel it's better, and times when it just SUCKS. But I guarantee........it's DIFFERENT all the times.
So, I guess I'll post my three true words of hope: It Gets Different.
(o:
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
I don't think anyone is using the term 'better' to mean sunshine and unicorns
My days are still up and down, but IMO I'm better and my life got better too...truth be told, there wasn't any room left for it to get worse
D
My days are still up and down, but IMO I'm better and my life got better too...truth be told, there wasn't any room left for it to get worse
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
I understand what you're saying Dee, and I agree, but I've always got to remember that it's not what's said but what's heard, and many newcomers (well, some, anyway) hear that if they quit drinking that life will get better (sunshine and unicorns), and if their life doesn't get better (immediately, usually), then they figure they've been lied to.
I don't know if my life got better, but my perception of my life sure got better.
(o:
I don't know if my life got better, but my perception of my life sure got better.
(o:
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Great thread! Though only about 4 1/2 months in....life is better for me. And if we're clarifying "better", I mean mentally, finances, dependability, and that awful dirty feeling of worthlessness, guilt, shame, victimhood, and self loathing is gone.
Life sober has certainly not been all sunshine and unicorns (though I did sort of expect that in the beginning).
Life is life.....sober or not. But sober, I experience the actual feelings of life, good or bad. Drinking? Life was rough and I made it difficult with the drama drinking brought with it. I made it hard for anyone to love me or want to spend time with me and I blamed everyone but myself. I was a waste of space when I was wasted.
Yes, it gets better. Yes, there are no parades in my honor, no cheers from the crowd upon my arrival, and no wild and crazy stories to tell anymore (thank God). But, I have peace....My mind is clear and slowly, it gets better everyday.
Life sober has certainly not been all sunshine and unicorns (though I did sort of expect that in the beginning).
Life is life.....sober or not. But sober, I experience the actual feelings of life, good or bad. Drinking? Life was rough and I made it difficult with the drama drinking brought with it. I made it hard for anyone to love me or want to spend time with me and I blamed everyone but myself. I was a waste of space when I was wasted.
Yes, it gets better. Yes, there are no parades in my honor, no cheers from the crowd upon my arrival, and no wild and crazy stories to tell anymore (thank God). But, I have peace....My mind is clear and slowly, it gets better everyday.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
I love this thread!
While life isn't always perfect, I wake up every day feeling good, happy to get up and face the day.
Some days are not great, sometimes blah, overworked, or overtired......but way, way better than drinking days.
Let's see....I lost 25 lbs, all hangovers are gone, NEVER have any regret and/or guilt in the morning, and got a 10% pay increase at work.
So better, I would say!
All for the simple act of not picking up a drink!
While life isn't always perfect, I wake up every day feeling good, happy to get up and face the day.
Some days are not great, sometimes blah, overworked, or overtired......but way, way better than drinking days.
Let's see....I lost 25 lbs, all hangovers are gone, NEVER have any regret and/or guilt in the morning, and got a 10% pay increase at work.
So better, I would say!
All for the simple act of not picking up a drink!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
It gets better!
You know how you think you could never be that total non-drinker? You know how you think that person must be so bored when they go out with their friends? You know how you think really there is something slightly wrong with them?
I'm here to tell you that the non-drinkers have been having a wonderful time all along. When they go out to dinner with friends they actually enjoy the food instead of assiduously watching the level in their glasses. They actually are the good conversationalists because they can remember what you said ten minutes ago, heck they can even remember what they said ten minutes ago.
I love that going out with my friends means having a good time then coming home to go to bed (instead of drinking until the small hours), that I get up the next morning well and fit, that my life isn't on hold until my next drink.
Oh and three years in, on that sunshine and unicorns, well, no unicorns yet but the sun does shine brightly and I can get caught in it without my sunnies these days and smile instead of wincing.
You know how you think you could never be that total non-drinker? You know how you think that person must be so bored when they go out with their friends? You know how you think really there is something slightly wrong with them?
I'm here to tell you that the non-drinkers have been having a wonderful time all along. When they go out to dinner with friends they actually enjoy the food instead of assiduously watching the level in their glasses. They actually are the good conversationalists because they can remember what you said ten minutes ago, heck they can even remember what they said ten minutes ago.
I love that going out with my friends means having a good time then coming home to go to bed (instead of drinking until the small hours), that I get up the next morning well and fit, that my life isn't on hold until my next drink.
Oh and three years in, on that sunshine and unicorns, well, no unicorns yet but the sun does shine brightly and I can get caught in it without my sunnies these days and smile instead of wincing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 46
It gets better. It gets better. It gets better. Believe it. It's true.
I had to tell myself that over and over again to make it through the tough times. I trusted what everyone told me that it would get better. It took me a lot longer than the "normal" person- over 2 years- to not have those emotional swings. But then again I drank heavily for over 30. And I am prone to anxiety. I almost gave up hope. But somehow I hung on to the idea that it would get better. And it did. It was that hope that got me through. I'm glad I listened and believed that it would get better.
I had to tell myself that over and over again to make it through the tough times. I trusted what everyone told me that it would get better. It took me a lot longer than the "normal" person- over 2 years- to not have those emotional swings. But then again I drank heavily for over 30. And I am prone to anxiety. I almost gave up hope. But somehow I hung on to the idea that it would get better. And it did. It was that hope that got me through. I'm glad I listened and believed that it would get better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Thanks, Leigh, for the bump.
It gets better.
Where I am right now, it's frigid. Still not tons of daylight. A few challenges.
And yet. Facing it all in the clarity of sobriety has made it all so much easier, the ability to see light so much more achievable.
It really does get better.
It gets better.
Where I am right now, it's frigid. Still not tons of daylight. A few challenges.
And yet. Facing it all in the clarity of sobriety has made it all so much easier, the ability to see light so much more achievable.
It really does get better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,011
It gets better !
Externally, life goes one regardless of whether you are sober or otherwise. However, that is insignificant.
Internally, it gets fantastically better ! One get:
- liberated from guilt, shame and remorse;
- discover serenity, joy and well being;
- gain tremendous pleasure from simple aspects of life
- regain self esteem and self confidence
- gain clarity on what are the important matters in one life
- regain physical health
- discover that giving and not receiving is the secret to happiness
And as one gets that one more day of sobriety, the list gets longer
Externally, life goes one regardless of whether you are sober or otherwise. However, that is insignificant.
Internally, it gets fantastically better ! One get:
- liberated from guilt, shame and remorse;
- discover serenity, joy and well being;
- gain tremendous pleasure from simple aspects of life
- regain self esteem and self confidence
- gain clarity on what are the important matters in one life
- regain physical health
- discover that giving and not receiving is the secret to happiness
And as one gets that one more day of sobriety, the list gets longer
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by Kaneda8888 
It gets better !
Externally, life goes one regardless of whether you are sober or otherwise. However, that is insignificant.
Internally, it gets fantastically better ! One get:
- liberated from guilt, shame and remorse;
- discover serenity, joy and well being;
- gain tremendous pleasure from simple aspects of life
- regain self esteem and self confidence
- gain clarity on what are the important matters in one life
- regain physical health
- discover that giving and not receiving is the secret to happiness
And as one gets that one more day of sobriety, the list gets longer
Externally, life goes one regardless of whether you are sober or otherwise. However, that is insignificant.
Internally, it gets fantastically better ! One get:
- liberated from guilt, shame and remorse;
- discover serenity, joy and well being;
- gain tremendous pleasure from simple aspects of life
- regain self esteem and self confidence
- gain clarity on what are the important matters in one life
- regain physical health
- discover that giving and not receiving is the secret to happiness
And as one gets that one more day of sobriety, the list gets longer
Absolutely fabulous post, Kaneda!!!!!
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