Skipping Christmas?
 

Well, not really but skipping those parties. My family with whom I'll celebrate the actual holiday with aren't drinkers so thats not the issue. But those darn parties! They've weighed so heavily in my thoughts lately, I've decided to skip them entirely. Sounds a little "bah humbug" but for some reason, I've got a bad feeling.

I had a rough week last week. Didn't drink but was acting like it, if that makes sense. Worked, then moved to the couch, until bed. Didn't work out, run, or even pretty much leave the house. It was the same behavior as when I was drinking but w/no alcohol. I was a bit depressed and I resorted to isolating myself like I was drinking again. This did result in at least 2 of those nights thinking about drinking.....wondering why not if this is what I'm going to do anyway. I did then have the sense that it wouldn't help so I passed on that.

After about a week, I snapped out of it and all was just fine. Back to running, going to the gym and socializing but I have to say, that week sure scared me. That voice in my head that pushes me to move forward when I'm faltering had disappeared, like it went on vacay for a week.....then it just reappeared!

Anyway, I'm not sure why that happened. I was here, reading, but didn't feel like posting because I felt "less than", if that makes sense.

After that week, and once I snapped out of it, the Christmas parties started to worry me, so I politely declined the invitations. I've been to these before in years past and way too much alcohol is flowing for me to feel comfortable with.

I almost feel as if I've taken a step back in my sobriety. No, I didn't drink but that week made me feel like I did. All the same negative feelings associated with it, but sober. It almost sucked to not have any excuse for the "slothness"!

Thanks for listening. So glad you're here.

I'm glad you're back. It's good you have family that you can celebrate Christmas with. Isolating can lead to relapse.

Go get'em! :ring

I also decline parties with alcohol!!! Sober folks have told me this may get easier, but that generally we end up simply wanting to do something else more enjoyable.

If I'm feeling like I'm "missing something" by not going to the party, I'll plan something neat to do for myself during that time. A treat like a pedicure or massage.....whatever is cool/fun for you. Invite a friend if you need accountability to ensure you follow through on rewarding yourself.

I have those down days too. I was a dry drunk for 1.5 years. For me personally, that's when the emotions I'd not processed or worked through surfaced and reared their ugly heads.....the stuff I used to drink to run from.

Good on you being self aware & protecting your sobriety

Good for you! You recognize what might be a trigger for you and you avoid it. For me, and this is only for me, I welcome being around others drinking. I was at a restaurant the other day with a friend and they wanted to order a beer. They know about my recovery and said they would just pass on it this time. I told them that if I couldn't sit across from them while they drank and not have a desire to drink, I must not be ready to quit. Also, I find it fairly amusing to be around people who have had too much to drink and are not in full control of themselves. This reminds me how I used to act when drinking and reinforces my desire to never be like that again. Like I said, this is just the way I am handling my sobriety, but I encourage everyone to find exactly what works for them.

Great job on making it through that tough patch InTheEnd. It might feel like you took a step backwards, but any time you don't drink it is a huge step forward.

Like SW said, great job on being self aware.

I would also gently suggest that you not beat yourself up over having a week of rest.

I know I used to fret if I didn't have plans, if I wasn't go-going all the time. For me it is bad mental health to let the negative thoughts creep in, not necessarily just staying in or being alone. I like staying in and I like being alone. However, if I were to go down that mental path that "there is something wrong with me because I don't want to work out, or I want to lie on the couch," then I start to believe that lie.

I have issue with people saying not to isolate. I don't think it's the isolation persay that is the problem. I think it is the mental attitude. If I were to look at it as laziness or sadness or depression or any negative thing, then that's what it becomes. On the flip side, if I simply look at isolation as a need to do some self-care, rest, recharge, then it becomes a positive thing.

I don't believe isolating - in itself - is a bad thing. If I didn't recharge alone regularly, I would not be able to function. It's how I view it that makes it healthy or not.

I understand skipping out on parties when I'm not feeling good about going.

The worst place for one feeling uncomfortable in sobriety to find themselves in would be at a drinking party.

Mountainman

I skipped everything my first sober Xmas, even the family 'do.
It was a very enjoyable Xmas...

but more than that, it was a great investment in my continued recovery :)

D

So much of recovery is about building a new life not trying to make the old one work.

I enjoy sober people because I find drunk people sad. I do things I enjoy and generally speaking it very seldom involves people drinking.

I think the people that drink are the humbuggers not me. I get to be fully engaged and present and they just are half there

Thanks everyone. Feeling good now and a bit better about my "week off of life" so to speak. I think I need to learn how to just relax and be lazy. It's okay to just chill out. I've kept myself so busy, which has actually been great. But there are times when I think I deserve a break, just relax for the evening and after an hour or so of it, I start to feel guilty. Then those negative feelings set in and I allowed them to take over for much too long.

Maybe relaxing is a trigger for me? We all need to sometimes. Maybe couches are a trigger? LOL! Could be I guess. Think I'll rearrange the living room this weekend!

Thanks again for all the advice and thoughts.

No harm in giving things a miss!!

The aim here is to remain Sober, and if that means declining invitations then that's the best way forward!! :)

I love declining invitations (not that I get many any longer!) for crowded places full of noisy drunk people to stay home in the warm and do whatever I like.
Rearranging my personal space really helps me as does planning my relaxation.
It is about self-care and looking after oneself during 'down-time' to recharge our batteries and allow the subconscious to do the work it needs to.
This time of year is a big emotional trigger for me but I am thankful that I no longer have to suffer by going out.
Personally I have a much better time at home with a good book, home comforts, some nice music and relaaaaaaax.
Now to make the family disappear so I don't even have to do dinner... Hmmm wishful thinking.
Great thought provoking post. Be nice to things elf um thineself, happy slothfulness 😴

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself

I'm also skipping the parties this year. I'm newly sober and many would argue that the holidays are a time for giving. Well this year, I'm giving to myself. I'm just going to stay at home, and skip the holiday completely. I will use this extra time to work on recovery. Give yourself the present of sobriety this year.

I started skipping the holiday parties even before I quit drinking. They just weren't fun.

It's OK to be slothful for a bit. I was always go go go go go when I first quit. Manic in keeping busy and that was no good either. For me, continued, healthy recovery is about achieving balance.

And posting and reading here even when I don't feel like it. It helps get me out of myself.

Keep doing what you're doing. Each sober day is a victory. You build from experience.

It's just one Christmas. Skip the parties and don't worry about it. Saying 'No' to things that aren't good for us or that we simply don't want to do is one of the great advantages of being an adult.

Next year will come soon enough and when you have a little more sober time, you'll be in a better place to evaluate whether you simply have no interest in those types of parties anymore of if you want to go just for the social aspect. It's not like you're saying that you'll never go to a Christmas party again, just that you're passing on them for the next couple of weeks. In the mean time, find a sober way to get in the holiday spirit- hang up some lights, bake some cookies, make some fudge, buy some presents for your family, listen to some Christmas music.

Sobriety comes first and if you have a bad feeling about going listen to that. Nothing good could come of going to an event that you don't really want to go to anyway.

Another thought is just that recovery isn't just a straight path. Some days and weeks things will click more easily and you'll feel like doing those things like going to the gym. Other days, getting out of bed might be a challenge. As long as you don't drink, the number of good days will grow and the bad days will become less frequent.

A few days or a week feeling kind of unmotivated is fine. If it goes on for much longer, that is time to start kicking yourself in the butt and doing positive stuff again.