No clutter Wee-kender December 11th
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Neverthought 
"Wang Chung is the feeling, not the word. It represents an abstract, an escape from pragmatic, complex ideas.
Ha, maybe it wasn't entirely fortuitous then that the band came to mind? An escape from pragmatic, complex ideas ... hmm, apropos to Ken's decluttering the noise of the mind thread!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
First world problem at my house today. My washer is finally giving up the ghost. It refused to spin this morning. I knew this was coming, as the bearings have been going bad for a while. Not worth the $300 to fix it. And not a DIY fix for me. I did get it to to do a rinse and spin after fiddling with it a bit, but I'm not going to trust it. So - I may be using the laundromat until I can get it replaced. My dryer is fine, though, so I might just wash clothes at the laundromat and then take damp stuff home to dry it. Don't know. What a pain. Can't afford the washer I want right now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I've gotten through the morning. Welcome back uniqueusername! Stick with us through the weekend.
Hi, neverthought! You too.
Tetra, Tetra, Tetra. There's ALWAYS room for you on the bus. Wherever you care to sit. You know, your Mom sounds like my mom in some respects. I'm 51 now. I still hear "bare legs?! where are your stockings? Why aren't you wearing stockings?" "Comb/brush your hair. Put some lipstick on. Clean the cat box, iron your shirt." She loves me. I know that. But she worries. About everything. She's a generous and thoughtful person and sometimes she drives me crazy. She isn't intentionally mean but sometimes the nit picking comes across that way. In one ear, and out the other, after taking a deep breath.
Hi, neverthought! You too.
Tetra, Tetra, Tetra. There's ALWAYS room for you on the bus. Wherever you care to sit. You know, your Mom sounds like my mom in some respects. I'm 51 now. I still hear "bare legs?! where are your stockings? Why aren't you wearing stockings?" "Comb/brush your hair. Put some lipstick on. Clean the cat box, iron your shirt." She loves me. I know that. But she worries. About everything. She's a generous and thoughtful person and sometimes she drives me crazy. She isn't intentionally mean but sometimes the nit picking comes across that way. In one ear, and out the other, after taking a deep breath.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by MLD51
First world problem at my house today. My washer is finally giving up the ghost. It refused to spin this morning. I knew this was coming, as the bearings have been going bad for a while. Not worth the $300 to fix it. And not a DIY fix for me. I did get it to to do a rinse and spin after fiddling with it a bit, but I'm not going to trust it. So - I may be using the laundromat until I can get it replaced. My dryer is fine, though, so I might just wash clothes at the laundromat and then take damp stuff home to dry it. Don't know. What a pain. Can't afford the washer I want right now.
I definitely took these things for granted till they malfunctioned.
The plus point of the laundromat, you can take a book or a puzzle and relax :-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Morning, team! I'm in on Day 193!
I kept thinking about drinking yesterday. I was listening to sobriety podcasts, some of the stories described ice cold vodka and other drinks and the relief the drinker felt, etc... it was very evocative. I wondered what it would be like if I actually drank. I was musing but making sure I didn't take it too far, like actually bargain with myself or some ridiculousness like that. I'm not going there. Not interested.
I thought the whole drink through and it was an easy conclusion to make. It's not for me.
The stories in the podcasts I listened to went on to tell of horrific events and sad sad loss of potential until they got in recovery.
I wasn't romanticizing or craving, I was just wondering/musing what it would be like if I drank. I can't have anything nice if I drink... No peace of mind, no health, no money, no future, nothing.
It was also on my mind bc on Tuesday night my boss texted me to go say hi to a chef friend of his that was in the bar at our work. My boss had left so I went out there to say hi and get them a round on his tab.
We were very similar in words, energy levels, thoughts on the industry, etc. She was several cocktails in. I texted him when I left and said she was a great contact and I'm glad I met her. He wrote me back, 'you two are so much alike it's scary.'
And I kept thinking how can we be alike if she is at a bar and that is normal for her, and I spend all my time focused on cleaning up my act and living sober? I'm just a drink away from her. I don't know if she has a problem but I can't go out for a fancy couple of rounds, that's not where the night ends for me.
It ends at home, chain smoking, pounding white wine and Jameson, inappropriately fb messaging whomever the hell will write back, texting for whatever guy to come over, and then feeling like holy hello the whole next day. And the mental pain of knowing I am beating myself to a pulp.
I'm still relieved I don't drink. I want what I have and it will all go away if I drink. I don't have a craving or obsession to drink. I don't think I'll do anymore musing again soon.
I took myself to a bathhouse/Korean spa type thing yesterday. I soaked in scalding and dipped in freezing pools, I got the ever loving crap scrubbed and exfoliated out of me by a granny... She did a bunch of stuff like wash my hair and put a face mask on, it was wonderful. Sat in the steam sauna to let all the oils she put on me seal in...Then I went to their food court and had some delicious Korean food and snoozed in their movie theater for a minute. I didn't even go to the seven different dry saunas they have, I was pretty much wobbly at that point.
I'm going to firmly stick to the self care side of things and what I can do for myself to show myself I'm important and there is no time or need to think about a drink.
I kept thinking about drinking yesterday. I was listening to sobriety podcasts, some of the stories described ice cold vodka and other drinks and the relief the drinker felt, etc... it was very evocative. I wondered what it would be like if I actually drank. I was musing but making sure I didn't take it too far, like actually bargain with myself or some ridiculousness like that. I'm not going there. Not interested.
I thought the whole drink through and it was an easy conclusion to make. It's not for me.
The stories in the podcasts I listened to went on to tell of horrific events and sad sad loss of potential until they got in recovery.
I wasn't romanticizing or craving, I was just wondering/musing what it would be like if I drank. I can't have anything nice if I drink... No peace of mind, no health, no money, no future, nothing.
It was also on my mind bc on Tuesday night my boss texted me to go say hi to a chef friend of his that was in the bar at our work. My boss had left so I went out there to say hi and get them a round on his tab.
We were very similar in words, energy levels, thoughts on the industry, etc. She was several cocktails in. I texted him when I left and said she was a great contact and I'm glad I met her. He wrote me back, 'you two are so much alike it's scary.'
And I kept thinking how can we be alike if she is at a bar and that is normal for her, and I spend all my time focused on cleaning up my act and living sober? I'm just a drink away from her. I don't know if she has a problem but I can't go out for a fancy couple of rounds, that's not where the night ends for me.
It ends at home, chain smoking, pounding white wine and Jameson, inappropriately fb messaging whomever the hell will write back, texting for whatever guy to come over, and then feeling like holy hello the whole next day. And the mental pain of knowing I am beating myself to a pulp.
I'm still relieved I don't drink. I want what I have and it will all go away if I drink. I don't have a craving or obsession to drink. I don't think I'll do anymore musing again soon.
I took myself to a bathhouse/Korean spa type thing yesterday. I soaked in scalding and dipped in freezing pools, I got the ever loving crap scrubbed and exfoliated out of me by a granny... She did a bunch of stuff like wash my hair and put a face mask on, it was wonderful. Sat in the steam sauna to let all the oils she put on me seal in...Then I went to their food court and had some delicious Korean food and snoozed in their movie theater for a minute. I didn't even go to the seven different dry saunas they have, I was pretty much wobbly at that point.
I'm going to firmly stick to the self care side of things and what I can do for myself to show myself I'm important and there is no time or need to think about a drink.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, gang.
Back home, had a nice healthy dinner and tea. Feel veeery tired. I think that recent bad anxiety attacks and poor sleep still catching up. So, I think I will call it an early night again.
But before going to bed I would like to share something though....
I work for state-owned company. And there are lots of rumors going that there will be cuts in salary due to budget cuts. I am kind of trying to take it calmly - I can hardly change the situation and see not point in dragging this issues round and about and what a$$$oles the government are and so on. I know I have to move my own a$$ and get prepared.
Anyway, I was pretty much prepared that this month my payment will be say...modest.
And then today I take my paycheck and see a big bonus - I mean my eyes got square bonus. I think it is kind of "end of the year bonus, probably.
I kind of counted figures. Put it away, then took it it out. Looked again. What's going on?
I keep checking my account afraid that money will evaporate like in a bad fairy tale.
It just scares ....everything out of me. I mean - I enjoy what i am doing. And they pay me for this. I just felt like approaching the boss today and asking "Please, tell my what for? I am going crazy". Well, I didn't ) But I just can't feel joy - it's like all my being is waiting for something bad to happen. And I am scared that these freaking old beliefs would turn into self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's just something which is so out of tune with everything that had been happening most of my life. I am so used to this "if I didn't die for this, I don't deserve it".
My mind was quick to come out with at least 3 explanations with bad scenarios why it happened. I will spare this.
I can pay one of debts now which is due soon and which has been nagging me emotionally .
And I think I will even work out gym membership again!
It's just ...I don't know. Miracle. I hate being superstitious, because I want to enjoy this moment!!! I want to find this balance between being super-excited to the point of carelessness and turning every good event into "i will pay for this later" bs.
You know, it may sound ...crazy...but sometimes I feel like, again, approaching my boss and saying "Thank you. You've given me more than a job". Well, I am writing this now and think "My, you are an idiot. "
So grateful to you, guys. I've been feeling better emotionally lately, and I think it's because I started to hang out regularly with you.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
See you later)
Back home, had a nice healthy dinner and tea. Feel veeery tired. I think that recent bad anxiety attacks and poor sleep still catching up. So, I think I will call it an early night again.
But before going to bed I would like to share something though....
I work for state-owned company. And there are lots of rumors going that there will be cuts in salary due to budget cuts. I am kind of trying to take it calmly - I can hardly change the situation and see not point in dragging this issues round and about and what a$$$oles the government are and so on. I know I have to move my own a$$ and get prepared.
Anyway, I was pretty much prepared that this month my payment will be say...modest.
And then today I take my paycheck and see a big bonus - I mean my eyes got square bonus. I think it is kind of "end of the year bonus, probably.
I kind of counted figures. Put it away, then took it it out. Looked again. What's going on?
I keep checking my account afraid that money will evaporate like in a bad fairy tale.
It just scares ....everything out of me. I mean - I enjoy what i am doing. And they pay me for this. I just felt like approaching the boss today and asking "Please, tell my what for? I am going crazy". Well, I didn't ) But I just can't feel joy - it's like all my being is waiting for something bad to happen. And I am scared that these freaking old beliefs would turn into self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's just something which is so out of tune with everything that had been happening most of my life. I am so used to this "if I didn't die for this, I don't deserve it".
My mind was quick to come out with at least 3 explanations with bad scenarios why it happened. I will spare this.
I can pay one of debts now which is due soon and which has been nagging me emotionally .
And I think I will even work out gym membership again!
It's just ...I don't know. Miracle. I hate being superstitious, because I want to enjoy this moment!!! I want to find this balance between being super-excited to the point of carelessness and turning every good event into "i will pay for this later" bs.
You know, it may sound ...crazy...but sometimes I feel like, again, approaching my boss and saying "Thank you. You've given me more than a job". Well, I am writing this now and think "My, you are an idiot. "
So grateful to you, guys. I've been feeling better emotionally lately, and I think it's because I started to hang out regularly with you.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
See you later)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by Melina
Sometimes I don't realize how long my posts get. Bc I'm absolutely self absorbed and I think every word and nuance is important. Sheesh!
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