Yogini1603

Being stuck is a great way to describe it. I've lost two jobs through drinking, haven't met many of my own personal goals etc and it's nice to hear that people are growing so much in sobriety!

Yogini1603

This is a brilliant post, thanks so much :-)

Highwind

There's no santa :'(

ubntubnt

Day 9, now you know how I feel.

OpenTuning

This has been a really interesting thread. Thinking about it, I definitely did the Denial and Bargaining. That feeling of yes, I'm quitting, but you know, no need to give away my wine collection or anything radical like that...

I then expected to go through the anger and depression, but that's where things took a surprising twist for me. I actually was enjoying my life more sober, than when I was drinking. This was a huge shock. I thought I was letting myself in for a lifetime of puritanism, self-sacrifice, hair-shirt self flagellation. And instead I just felt happier, more connected to my family, laughing out loud more than I'd done for the last few years.

So I skipped straight to acceptance, which is where I am now. This is a better life. I'm happy I made that choice. It's all good.

RedAndy

Hi Tufty,

It's going better thanks mate, my wife is most certainly happy with the progress and commitment / determination I have to making this work, she can see that I am clear on what needs to be done to ensure we do have a future together, we both know my old ways can't continue if we are to stay together, she's such a great person but I've spent so long wrapped up in myself and doing my own thing out partying or just at home drinking every weekend that I've taken my eye so far off the ball as to how important she really is to me, aim to prove to her what she really does mean and make things right, she deserves it after putting up with so much over the years through the drink and drugs.

Agreed it's time to leave that scene to the younger crowd, time served and some great memories but it can't go on forever and whilst I've thought that I fit in must look odd to a lot of youngsters raving away in my mid 40's, as one friend put it the other day "Peter Pan has finally grown up".

Had a couple of texts with my oldest friend last night who was with me on the last night where everything came to a head and made me realise just how out of control I really am, he's the first person out of many who has told me that in his opinion I could moderate it, don't often see him nowadays other than with the family and he doesn't see me in the real mess I normally get in when out of it on everything, it was the first night out we've had in a long time, nowadays days / nights / weekends with him are always at their house or ours and always culminate in a ridiculous amount of drinking then passing out, he also if he looked at himself has an issue with the drink, guessing he's trying to protect the lifestyle we've always had together since we started going out 30 years ago and selfishly doesn't want that to end when we do meet up.

Had me awake in the night thinking of what he said but dismissed it categorically as I know myself the only way for me to move forward is to stay sober, moderation never has been and never will be an option, it just doesn't happen. As I said to him whilst I may pull it off for a short while we all know that eventually it will be a problem again somewhere down the line resulting in an episode that I will have no coming back from next time, I've taken it to the very edge and that's as far as it can go, doing this for myself and my family and lifelong friend or not - couldn't care less what his thoughts are.

OpenTuning

Fantastic attitude RedAndy. People trying to talk you into moderation always have a motive. And it isn't your best interests they're thinking about. He wants his playmate back. And he doesn't want to think he has a problem. Therefore you should drink. Who cares if it could destroy your life. Given how often we're prepared to destroy our own lives, I guess it's asking too much that other people put our interests first over their own.

To be fair to him, he probably needs to go through his own grieving process about your giving up alcohol. Give him time and hopefully he'll reach acceptance, but it's terrific that you aren't going to let his difficulty in reaching that stage stop you from doing what you need to do.

ubntubnt

ah 30 years goes a long way back. Thats a lot more than drinking buddies. He is worried that he will lose the friendship. This is where you could step in and make and effort to do some things that don't involve drinking when you are ready. Don't lose 30 years with the guy but don't compromise on your position either. I think its reasonable to say to him that from this point forward that any time you are both together there is no drinking by either of you.

Lucie29

This is very helpful, and eye opening. I'm at a month and a week and have been already slipping back into the anger and depression stage of, why me? Everyone else gets to have fun and I'm shunned! Woke up today feeling much more accepting. Thanks for the light at the end of the tunnel and putting it all in to perspective, that I'm going through the steps to get to where I want to be.

RedAndy

Cheers Ub, appreciate the input.

Like you say it does go a long way back - out in the early years in all the scrapes together and looking out for one another / each others best man / worked together for a while / life long family friends and our wives & children are great friends also - we've had fall outs in the past and lost contact for a while over a silly issue however all our times for as long as I can remember have solely centred around drinking from moment one when we meet, thinking of doing something without and expecting them all to would be difficult especially when they don't see it as a problem, his Dad had a severe problem with alcohol and was literally at deaths door, he's sorted it and been sober now for a number of years with the help of AA, I'm guessing that he sees us as not having a problem as its not a daily problem like his Dad had. Problem enough for me and my family tho and that's what really matters.

On The Road

I treated my affair with alcohol like a death. So I experienced all five stages of grief as I went through the process of morning the loss of my flawed "lover." Yes, I know this sounds dramatic, but it helped me personify my problem in a way where I could do something about it. And I didn't stop with "acceptance." Once I knew alcohol was no longer a part of my life, I asked myself one question: "what are you going to do now?" This helped me understand the importance of forming a "Plan" - my new way of living. Without experiencing all of this, I'm sure I would be back to "bargaining" with myself and trying to drink in moderation.

Great thread!

thomas11

That was powerful and inspirational. Thank you for that.

Bird615

Great post. I'm on my way to acceptance with the occasional lingering "maybe someday", but it's more wistful than anything and gets weaker with time. I believe acceptance is taking more of a hold with each passing day.

Behan

Great post BigS!

bigsombrero

That doesn't sound dramatic at all. In fact, I came to the same point (what are you going to do now?) about 2 years ago. Once I finally got my feet under me and recovered from the grief, I was able to move forward in life. Having such a profound turning point in my life turned into a big positive springboard for some major upgrades and changes in life. Glad you are getting so much out of the support network and putting a plan together - challenge yourself!

On The Road

Thanks big sombrero. It's been working nearly a year and life is getting so much better. Who knew?!