Day 1.. enough is enough
 

Hi everyone,

I've just joined this site and today is my first day of sobriety.

I'm 27. I've been drinking pretty heavily for about 10 years now :( I took to alcohol in my teens, I guess when I realised it helped with the symptoms of the anxiety I've suffered from since I was a little girl. I began drinking alone in the evenings when I was about 18. I used to feel like it allowed me to be *me*, without the anxiousness and fear and awkwardness I was otherwise used to. I felt confident, sexy, more attractive. I thought it was liberating then. Now I feel like I've wasted these years drunk and alone, dreaming of actually being involved in life, when the reason I haven't been involved is because of the very thing I thought was the answer.

I have very few friends and no hobbies or genuine interests. Drinking whenever I can is my only hobby. This has meant that most days I would get drunk after arriving home from work. On days off work I would hold off drinking as long as I could then go for it all day and night.. sometimes barely making it to 12pm before starting. Time and time again I've washed over it with concerned family members. Now and again (usually after a particularly bad bender) I've cried, terrified and alone, thinking I would die from the physical withdrawal symptoms (heart palpitations and panic attacks), vowing to change and get help. God, that utter fear and hopelessness and self-loathing. I once got as far as having an initial assessment at the drug and alcohol service where I lived at the time, but couldn't sustain interest. It's almost like I would go into denial... something I felt so strongly about just becoming a non-issue as soon as the hangover wears off and the most recent horrid memories and emotions have faded.

I lost my most recent romantic relationship mainly due to my drinking. My previous romantic relationship - it was a huge issue there too. I've slept through work, lectures, spent days alone drinking myself into oblivion all day, completely ignoring impending deadlines, just not caring much about anything at all except alcohol. I've failed at things, made excuses, and often just not bothered to attempt anything in life at all.

I'm heartbroken for the people I've hurt and the opportunities I've wasted (many). But mainly for myself. I've been in denial for so long. Last night was an especially bad bender, and I am done. I am tired and disgusted. I am frightened of myself, of my mind and the tricks it plays on my perceptions. My drinking is NOT okay. How could spend so long thinking it is when this is the reality?!

I've made an appointment for an assessment with the local drug and alcohol service which is in three days' time. I need support. I need to focus on the reality of this and I need to be accountable. I am so scared of failure, but I feel some kind of strength now.

Thank you for reading. It's lovely to 'meet' you all.

WELCOME!

First step, breathe and realize you have found support. We are here for each other 24/7/365. Next step, just resolve yourself to not drink tonight. Take this one day at a time. I am glad to here you have a plan for 3 days from now. Over the next couple days, if you are anything like I was, you will deal with strong anxiety. Find some things that you enjoy that you can do sober to take your mind off it. Lastly, know that all of the things you mentioned, being confident, sexy, more attractive are possible sober. The better you feel and the more empowered you are from your sobriety, the more confident you will feel. I would bet you will be able to have relationships and repair damaged ones the more you love yourself. That is what my sobriety has brought me and I hope it does the same for you. Don't be a stranger. Keep reading and keep posting. I hope to see you around here often.

Welcome!

Denial is such a huge part of alcoholism. It's hard to step out of the cycle of drinking and denial, but it sounds like you're ready to make a change. It's good that you're taking action, and I hope you continue to read and post here. There is lots of support.

Welcome to SR :) you have taken the first hard step acknowledging you have a problem. It's good you realise it so young too. I knew at 27 too but waited till I was 38 to stop, Please don't waste another ten years like I did. I went through so many failed relationships, wasted chances of children, career embarrassments and failures, break up of friendships and family fallouts all as a result of my drinking. Even now looking in the mirror I see the physical damage I did ( I'm female) Stick around SR - it's a great place to be :)

Welcome to SR from another SW England alcoholic.

You'll get so much help and advice here Amber, I hope you stick around to find out just how much!

Best wishes to you on your journey.

Welcome to SR!

Welcome to SR, Amber; really glad you found us.

I spent a long time in denial, too, Amber, as have many of us. I am so thankful that I finally admitted my alcoholism and sought recovery.

I love my sober life; my bet is you will, too.

Welcome to SR and well done with booking your assessment and posting on here. Two steps closer to getting a recovery plan in place and changing your life for the better. I'm new on here too and hope to hear some updates from you and how your assessment went. Good luck!

Hi Amber! Welcome to SR. Admitting that I had a problem and then actually doing something about it were the hardest things I've ever done. I'm glad you're here. There's a great amount of support. A lot of practical ideas to help. Please do stick around.

Yes!!and don't wait until you are 60 and have tons of regrets. Live!

Hi Amber I have felt many of the same things you just described in your post. I am glad you realize your in need of help now since you have so much time to live free of the pain and misery that comes with alcohol..

Welcome Amber :)

The really good thing is it's never too late to start on a new chapter in your story.
You'll find a lot of support here - glad you found us :)

D

Amber, first day is FANTASTIC, congratulations. Think about it, 30 years from now at 57 you'll have an extra 100 grand in your pocket, rootin for ya. :egypt:
https://sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.Ma9...=0&w=300&h=300

Welcome!

I echo some of the comments previously made in terms of well done for getting to grip with the problem now. At your young age you have so many wonderful things ahead of you if you can get yourself fit and healthy now.

I am now 50 and one month sober. If I could have one wish it would be to turn back time and knock alcohol on the head once and for all at your age. During the past 20 years my drinking cost me my marriage, a great career, the trust of my children, my health, my friends and my self esteem and appearance. At 27 you have all these amazing things ahead of you. Seize them. Seize the day.

We will all be rooting for you!

Welcome Amber! We are on this journey with you - check in and post here often.

You can do this!

That was a very eloquent post Amber. I think I am the male version of you as your alcohol habits mirror mine. I also replaced any interests/hobbies with drinking. I know what you mean with the struggling to make it to 12pm before hitting up the liquor store on a Saturday morning.

Alcohol gave me instant peace of mind where all my anxieties and fears dissappeared. Normal people might go to the gym, do yoga, meditate, or go shopping to unwind. A pint of beer was my solution to everything.

Ive been through many horrible withdrawals too. Never have I felt so alone and hopeless as I did during those times.

Welcome to the site!

Welcome to the Forum Amber!! :wave:

Welcome Amber!

Could be way more than that if you count the amount of missed work and if you have any legal problems. Sadly I wasted a lot of money over the years.

Welcome to the family and congrats on making a very wise decision. :) You'll find lots of support here. :hug: