Fell Hard & Fast
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 8
Fell Hard & Fast
I don't know exactly why I'm posting this. Probably because I'm sitting in am empty house, bored out of my mind with a tonne of beer in the fridge.
My wife and I have just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. For four years, we've been trying for a baby. The past two years we've been going through an IVF cycle. In April, we received our very first positive on a pregnancy test.
The next day, we lost it.
It's a strange thing to feel so overjoyed one day that you just can't put it into words and the next day, to fall so much further. My wife was distraught. She cried for days. I held her and was strong. I felt like I was dying inside.
Over time, the wounds healed and we decided to take a break from babymaking. I got a taste for a drink and I drank it every night. First a bottle, then two, until eventually I was drinking around three litres a night.
I couldn't stop thinking about what we'd lost.
My wife noticed and mentioned it to me and I told her the truth. That I wanted something to blot out what I felt because I just couldn't cry. At the time, it was all I wanted to do but I didn't. And then I couldn't.
And then I stopped. Couldn't tell you why but I stopped drinking every night. I still have a can in the evening occasionally, and sometimes two. I still feel like ****, but getting up to **** every half hour was driving me crazy. Sounds daft, I know, but that's what I think it was.
Like I said, I don't know why I'm typing this. Probably because I'm bored and feeling low. Thanks for reading.
My wife and I have just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. For four years, we've been trying for a baby. The past two years we've been going through an IVF cycle. In April, we received our very first positive on a pregnancy test.
The next day, we lost it.
It's a strange thing to feel so overjoyed one day that you just can't put it into words and the next day, to fall so much further. My wife was distraught. She cried for days. I held her and was strong. I felt like I was dying inside.
Over time, the wounds healed and we decided to take a break from babymaking. I got a taste for a drink and I drank it every night. First a bottle, then two, until eventually I was drinking around three litres a night.
I couldn't stop thinking about what we'd lost.
My wife noticed and mentioned it to me and I told her the truth. That I wanted something to blot out what I felt because I just couldn't cry. At the time, it was all I wanted to do but I didn't. And then I couldn't.
And then I stopped. Couldn't tell you why but I stopped drinking every night. I still have a can in the evening occasionally, and sometimes two. I still feel like ****, but getting up to **** every half hour was driving me crazy. Sounds daft, I know, but that's what I think it was.
Like I said, I don't know why I'm typing this. Probably because I'm bored and feeling low. Thanks for reading.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Thanks for sharing INeverKnew. Sorry to hear of your troubles in having a baby, that's a very trying issue for a couple to deal with.
Most of us had life issues we tried to "blot out" or "forget" by drinking too. But unfortunately as you are finding, drinking doesn't make those issues go away. If anything it actually makes them worse because we put them off and don't face them like we should.
I'm glad to hear you stopped drinking every night, do you think maybe you are here because deep down you know you should stop entirely?
There are lots of healthier ways to deal with the issues you face and being sober helps tremendously.
Most of us had life issues we tried to "blot out" or "forget" by drinking too. But unfortunately as you are finding, drinking doesn't make those issues go away. If anything it actually makes them worse because we put them off and don't face them like we should.
I'm glad to hear you stopped drinking every night, do you think maybe you are here because deep down you know you should stop entirely?
There are lots of healthier ways to deal with the issues you face and being sober helps tremendously.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Here's some links to help build a plan - Sorry for your loss
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome back 
Have you reconsidered your belief you stated here once that you're an alcoholic?
I'm so sorry for your loss - I understand why people turn to drink...but wasn't there already an existing drinking problem before your tragedy?
Have you reconsidered your belief you stated here once that you're an alcoholic?
I'm so sorry for your loss - I understand why people turn to drink...but wasn't there already an existing drinking problem before your tragedy?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I'm really sorry that you and your wife lost the baby.
And, I also noticed that, more than two years ago, you said you were an alcoholic. I think it's great that you have cut down a lot on your drinking, but there is a vast difference between having a drink or two in the evening and abstaining from alcohol.
And, I also noticed that, more than two years ago, you said you were an alcoholic. I think it's great that you have cut down a lot on your drinking, but there is a vast difference between having a drink or two in the evening and abstaining from alcohol.
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