good evening
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: LONDON
Posts: 3
good evening
Hi everyone.
Been surfing across these forums for a little bit. and finally taken the plunge to make my account. Not sure if it's gonna help (or even if I'm in the right place) but might as well try..
I've been struggling with alcohol for quite a long time. For a while, it appeared like the normal student, having a good time... but it's become quite clear that it's more than that. I know I have a problem, and I do really want to stop. However, it's really been hard - the same people who tell me that I need to stop, are the same people who when they want to have a good time tell me to relax and stop worrying. Literally takes one person to tell me to have a drink, and then I start all over again.
I genuinely feel awful about myself every morning when I wake up, and mainly, it's because of how much I've drunk and what I've done... But I just can't seem to find the support I need. I feel like I'm literally hiding more and more into myself... I feel like I can't step outside of my house without my hood up, as I've embarrassed myself so much around the city. Just fuels the drinking in the evening however..
Maybe this is the wrong place for this. I wouldn't be surprised if it is tbh. If you could point me in the right direction if it is the wrong, that would be fantastic. Just thought I'd try at least....
Been surfing across these forums for a little bit. and finally taken the plunge to make my account. Not sure if it's gonna help (or even if I'm in the right place) but might as well try..
I've been struggling with alcohol for quite a long time. For a while, it appeared like the normal student, having a good time... but it's become quite clear that it's more than that. I know I have a problem, and I do really want to stop. However, it's really been hard - the same people who tell me that I need to stop, are the same people who when they want to have a good time tell me to relax and stop worrying. Literally takes one person to tell me to have a drink, and then I start all over again.
I genuinely feel awful about myself every morning when I wake up, and mainly, it's because of how much I've drunk and what I've done... But I just can't seem to find the support I need. I feel like I'm literally hiding more and more into myself... I feel like I can't step outside of my house without my hood up, as I've embarrassed myself so much around the city. Just fuels the drinking in the evening however..
Maybe this is the wrong place for this. I wouldn't be surprised if it is tbh. If you could point me in the right direction if it is the wrong, that would be fantastic. Just thought I'd try at least....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Nope, this is exactly the right place to post EnglishStudent 
College/Uni is rough cos it's easy to surround yourself with drinkers and convince yourself nothings wrong.
Kudos for you for knowing there is a problem and deciding to do something about it.
You'll find a ton of support here - some good ideas too
welcome
D
College/Uni is rough cos it's easy to surround yourself with drinkers and convince yourself nothings wrong.
Kudos for you for knowing there is a problem and deciding to do something about it.
You'll find a ton of support here - some good ideas too
welcome
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I know there are parts of my past I'm not proud of, but since I've stopped drinking I've also stopped adding to that list of things.
I hope you learn to be your own master, because no one will ever know you the way you do and no one will ever have the same investment in your well-being that you do.
Make the decision to not drink, and no matter what anyone says or no matter what happens that won't be a negotiable decision.
I hope you learn to be your own master, because no one will ever know you the way you do and no one will ever have the same investment in your well-being that you do.
Make the decision to not drink, and no matter what anyone says or no matter what happens that won't be a negotiable decision.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Welcome, and this is a great place for support if you are trying to stop drinking. I think you are finding that alcoholism robs of self-respect. But, you can stop drinking and be the person you want to be.
It's a good idea to have a plan as to how you will stop drinking and begin to recover. Recovery usually involves dealing with issues that caused us to start drinking, and though it's hard work, it's so worth it.
It's a good idea to have a plan as to how you will stop drinking and begin to recover. Recovery usually involves dealing with issues that caused us to start drinking, and though it's hard work, it's so worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: LONDON
Posts: 3
Thank you for your prompt replies, didn't quite expect that haha!
The thing I'm finding hardest is the people I'm surrounded by. I love them all dearly, but I feel like they are not truly understanding why I want to stop... which is funny, because they're the ones who've had to pick me up off the street/from police cells/carry me home almost every night.
Everyone laughs and says a mid 20 year old can't be an alcoholic, but equally, they comment badly on how I turn up drunk to situations I shouldn't be, and laugh in my face when I say I don't want to drink for a night. They have words with me regularly in the morning to say 'oh, you shouldn't drink that much' and 'why are you always the liability', but equally they can't seem to accept when I say I don't want to drink any more ever.
I know it falls on my shoulders, and if I was a stronger person, I would just be able to say no no matter what.
But I just feel like Im crying out for someone to stand with me, as I am definitely not strong enough by myself...
The thing I'm finding hardest is the people I'm surrounded by. I love them all dearly, but I feel like they are not truly understanding why I want to stop... which is funny, because they're the ones who've had to pick me up off the street/from police cells/carry me home almost every night.
Everyone laughs and says a mid 20 year old can't be an alcoholic, but equally, they comment badly on how I turn up drunk to situations I shouldn't be, and laugh in my face when I say I don't want to drink for a night. They have words with me regularly in the morning to say 'oh, you shouldn't drink that much' and 'why are you always the liability', but equally they can't seem to accept when I say I don't want to drink any more ever.
I know it falls on my shoulders, and if I was a stronger person, I would just be able to say no no matter what.
But I just feel like Im crying out for someone to stand with me, as I am definitely not strong enough by myself...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
We understand. Unfortunately, people who are not alcoholics do not and will not ever understand that obsession that comes over us when we drink.
If you stay on this forum, you'll get understanding. Also, recovery meetings such as AA are a way to make sober friends who will support your decision.
I have no one in my life who understands other than people here or other people in recovery. Even my own family used to offer me drinks a decade after I quit drinking.
It's okay. You can do it.
If you stay on this forum, you'll get understanding. Also, recovery meetings such as AA are a way to make sober friends who will support your decision.
I have no one in my life who understands other than people here or other people in recovery. Even my own family used to offer me drinks a decade after I quit drinking.
It's okay. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Hi and good evening to you as well englishstudent.
I'm well beyond my college years, but in retrospect I clearly see that I was certainly in a bad relationship with alcohol even then. Good on you for realizing it now.....I wasn't that wise.
Yes, you are in a challenging situation/age, but the fact is that for alcoholics there is always that type of reasoning.
Stick around here and get support. I'm 14 months sober and SR has been a powerful tool. It can be for you as well!
I'm well beyond my college years, but in retrospect I clearly see that I was certainly in a bad relationship with alcohol even then. Good on you for realizing it now.....I wasn't that wise.
Yes, you are in a challenging situation/age, but the fact is that for alcoholics there is always that type of reasoning.
Stick around here and get support. I'm 14 months sober and SR has been a powerful tool. It can be for you as well!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
My first couple of year in college is pretty much a blur. How I managed to do so well is a mystery to me. I partied real hard with both drugs and alcohol. Even when everybody else went to bed and the place got quiet, I continued to party by myself. I considered the others as lightweights. Some expressed concern about my drinking and drugging, but that was as far as it went. Believe it or not, one of my goals was to take LSD 300 times. I easily surpassed that so the insanity of my addiction was already at work.
At that age; I had no idea what was to come from this for the next several decades, so I commend you for recognizing that you have a problem at such a young age. There are many resources available to you today like SR, SMART, AA, etc., that you can tap into NOW. You will need to commit to making some big changes in your life, but if you're determined, you can do it. Be active in your sobriety. Keep working at it and never give up. It's so much worth it. And keep posting on SR. A lot of good, caring people here. John
At that age; I had no idea what was to come from this for the next several decades, so I commend you for recognizing that you have a problem at such a young age. There are many resources available to you today like SR, SMART, AA, etc., that you can tap into NOW. You will need to commit to making some big changes in your life, but if you're determined, you can do it. Be active in your sobriety. Keep working at it and never give up. It's so much worth it. And keep posting on SR. A lot of good, caring people here. John
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
You might also want to connect with your doctor about your situation. Maybe even therapy. You have lots of choices. Try not to overwhelm yourself. Maybe start off with SR, AA and talk to your doctor first. Something like that. John
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
[QUOTE=englishstudent;5674734]Hi everyone.
Been surfing across these forums for a little bit. and finally taken the plunge to make my account. Not sure if it's gonna help (or even if I'm in the right place) but might as well try..
I've been struggling with alcohol for quite a long time. For a while, it appeared like the normal student, having a good time... but it's become quite clear that it's more than that. I know I have a problem, and I do really want to stop. However, it's really been hard - the same people who tell me that I need to stop, are the same people who when they want to have a good time tell me to relax and stop worrying. Literally takes one person to tell me to have a drink, and then I start all over again.
I genuinely feel awful about myself every morning when I wake up, and mainly, it's because of how much I've drunk and what I've done... But I just can't seem to find the support I need. I feel like I'm literally hiding more and more into myself... I feel like I can't step outside of my house without my hood up, as I've embarrassed myself so much around the city. Just fuels the drinking in the evening however..
Maybe this is the wrong place for this. I wouldn't be surprised if it is tbh. If you could point me in the right direction if it is the wrong, that would be fantastic. Just thought I'd try at least....[/QUOTE.
Welcome Englishstudent.
Welcome to SR. You have already determined that you have a drinking problem and that's a big step.
This website is full of support and ideas to help you. There is a December class that has many people coming together to support each other during their quest for sobriety. You might want to check that out!
KIR
Been surfing across these forums for a little bit. and finally taken the plunge to make my account. Not sure if it's gonna help (or even if I'm in the right place) but might as well try..
I've been struggling with alcohol for quite a long time. For a while, it appeared like the normal student, having a good time... but it's become quite clear that it's more than that. I know I have a problem, and I do really want to stop. However, it's really been hard - the same people who tell me that I need to stop, are the same people who when they want to have a good time tell me to relax and stop worrying. Literally takes one person to tell me to have a drink, and then I start all over again.
I genuinely feel awful about myself every morning when I wake up, and mainly, it's because of how much I've drunk and what I've done... But I just can't seem to find the support I need. I feel like I'm literally hiding more and more into myself... I feel like I can't step outside of my house without my hood up, as I've embarrassed myself so much around the city. Just fuels the drinking in the evening however..
Maybe this is the wrong place for this. I wouldn't be surprised if it is tbh. If you could point me in the right direction if it is the wrong, that would be fantastic. Just thought I'd try at least....[/QUOTE.
Welcome Englishstudent.
Welcome to SR. You have already determined that you have a drinking problem and that's a big step.
This website is full of support and ideas to help you. There is a December class that has many people coming together to support each other during their quest for sobriety. You might want to check that out!
KIR
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Good to meet you englishstudent.
You're among people who truly understand what you're going through. When I joined here I was amazed at the support & encouragement - it gave me the strength to change my life. You can do it.
You're among people who truly understand what you're going through. When I joined here I was amazed at the support & encouragement - it gave me the strength to change my life. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by englishstudent 
The thing I'm finding hardest is the people I'm surrounded by. I love them all dearly, but I feel like they are not truly understanding why I want to stop... which is funny, because they're the ones who've had to pick me up off the street/from police cells/carry me home almost every night.
I found so much hope, and understanding in the rooms of AA. I was SO scared going there - full of shame and remorse, but when I listened to the people I met there (especially the women, who like me, had lost their dignity, self-respect, and hope through drinking in the past) I felt like I had come home. It was the first time I had ever (and I mean ever - even in childhood I felt like an outsider in groups) felt comfortable in a group of people - yet I'd only just met them. They understood me so well, it was like they'd got in my head. Lol.
I still see some of my old friends, but with the support of people who understand me, and without alcohol, and with the work I have done on my recovery, their comments and suggestions about taking a drink are like water off a ducks back. I have lost the obsession - and you can too, if you decide to stop feeding it.
One day at a time, we can choose not to drink. Yes, we will feel restless, irritable and discontent at times, but we don't have to act on those feelings by drinking. We can find better ways to feel better - or accept the feelings and wait for them to pass. Life and people cannot always be wonderful. Alcoholics tend to over-dramatise things and think that life is 'unbearable' without a drink. But the truth is that feelings won't kill you. Not having a drink when you want one won't kill you. It isn't about willpower, or being strong. If you want a life without the wreckage, and without the shame and regret, then a state of acceptance can stand you in good stead.
Good luck Englishstudent.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,632
Hi EnglishStudent -
I signed onto SR and got sober as a college student too. I was successful once I started utilizing the resources and support here. You can do this if you want to do it.
Your friends may see your over drinking as simply a behavioral problem - like forgetting to set your alarm and sleeping in repeatably. However as an alcoholic, it's a chemical problem - you can't control your reaction to alcohol just like one of your friends who has a peanut allergy can't control their reaction to peanuts.
The biggest hurdle for me in the beginning was figuring out how to socialize without alcohol. Again, it can be done. For the first 3 months I had to stay away from any place where there was alcohol. So I started socializing by going out for breakfast, meeting people for coffee, going hiking, etc. Nights I watched movies. Parties came later.
People are quick to forget the embarrassing stuff that you did drunk if you show them your better side. Stopping drinking is the best way to end the cycle of shame.
I recommend joining the Dec class here too.
I signed onto SR and got sober as a college student too. I was successful once I started utilizing the resources and support here. You can do this if you want to do it.
Your friends may see your over drinking as simply a behavioral problem - like forgetting to set your alarm and sleeping in repeatably. However as an alcoholic, it's a chemical problem - you can't control your reaction to alcohol just like one of your friends who has a peanut allergy can't control their reaction to peanuts.
The biggest hurdle for me in the beginning was figuring out how to socialize without alcohol. Again, it can be done. For the first 3 months I had to stay away from any place where there was alcohol. So I started socializing by going out for breakfast, meeting people for coffee, going hiking, etc. Nights I watched movies. Parties came later.
People are quick to forget the embarrassing stuff that you did drunk if you show them your better side. Stopping drinking is the best way to end the cycle of shame.
I recommend joining the Dec class here too.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Welcome EnglishStudent. I can't add much from what others have said but know you've found a great site for support with some of the best people in the world. Every one cares and understands.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Hey EnglishStudent....well done in reaching out. Time to stop worrying or even thinking about what others are saying. You know your drinking is a problem so stop. One day at a time. Just don't drink. It will all fall into place. Any friends that consistently pressure you to drink just defriend them until you feel better. Find non drinking friends.
The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you think!
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 150
I think for now if you really want to stop and your friends are the trigger to get you to have that first drink you might want to come up with some really legitimate reasons why you cannot hang out with them for now. Say you are studying tell them you're about to get serious about finishing a class. In the meantime try to find an AA group that is at your college on campus. I'm sure that there is one. I'm not saying AAs the way to go but for right now you need to meet other alcoholics in your age group in the same social situation.
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