graywh1teblue

well its day 17, no oxy or heroin.. Not really feeling it today. I feel like I already failed. You know when you are in a committed relationship, and you get flirty with someone...it almost feels like you just cheated. I don't know maybe that's a bad example...well my H guy that I had the problems with got fired from my work a week ago (huge relief to me) well I woke up with a text from him asking if I was okay. I replied 'yes, I'm great. Been clean over 2 weeks now.' So he said to me, "congrats on getting clean I'm really proud of you." so of course I said wow thanks I appreciate it. THEN he says "I got a big free pack for you to reward you for staying clean" And I swear without even hesitating, I replied and said 'wow okay i'll let you know'...What is wrong with me? As soon as i sent it, I felt that feeling of doom wash over me. I really hate myself for opening that window back up. Why did I reply in the first place??? Trying to block his number, but not sure how.. I have a crappy samsung phone...I feel so guilty and I haven't even touched the dope!!!

Soberwolf

17 days is fantastic

Dee74

I think sometimes the waiting for the stuff was as much a thrill as getting it.
Your Inner Addict just got tickled a little.

It's not a disaster tho - this is an easy dive to pull out of
If your dealer texts again tell him no way - or if you prefer, text him now yourself....then block that number.

I'm sure it can be done, even on a crappy samsung.

PurpleKnight

17 Days is great!! Keep it going, you're doing fantastic!!

SereneEdition

Sounds like you uncovered a blind spot in your recovery and are taking care of it by posting here, and taking further action to keep him from making contact. There are a lot of positives here.

For me, much of the first 3 months was learning what I needed to do instead of pick up. Much of the learning came through experience - either reading here or in my own life.

You can do this. Congrats on 17 days.