Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 60
Newbie
Hello all,
Well this will be my third try in 10 years to get completely sober. First i'll get to a little about me...I'm a 32 (will be 33 Thursday, that's going to be a rough day) father of 3 wonderful boys and married to my best friend...I've been a drinker since I was 15 and ran away from home...I moved in w/ some really not good people and p/u the bottle for the first time...I drink more and more as the 2 years I lived w/ them progressed...I dropped out of High School shortly after and fell deeper and deeper...I look back now and realize I had a problem right from the beginning...I eventually finished my education and joined the Military in 2002...my first couple of years were a haze as I was drunk almost every night after work and PT...I remember thinking "I'm just having fun! This what all people my age do." Well pretty soon after that I met my wife...we married after only 8 months and have been together every since...I still drink all the time and she never really said anything about it...She is an occasional drinker...She could see that I had a problem but was afraid to say anything to me about it...Skip ahead a few years and in 2009 was my first attempt to get sober...I really did not want to but I got in a fight w/ a co-worker and my secret was spilled about my drinking...I was given a choice of 30 days rehab or jail...I took rehab of course...I was sober all of 2 months before I p/u the bottle again and was right back where I was...In 2011 my father passed away in a car accident...shortly after I was rear ended while at a stop sign and put into a telephone pole...luckily survived that incident but after those two events I started to develop anxiety/panic disorder...this was not anything that I had ever dealt w/ in my life...this only made my drinking worse than it already was...I continued to drink more and more as time went...Recently my health has been beginning to fade...I've been in and out of the hospital w/ panic attacks and seizures...I've been admitted twice in the last few months but refused treatment...I've not been a very good person at all on the sauce...I've hurt my wife, my kids and anyone that was close to me...I've done things I'm not proud of and have thought about ending it a few times...how my wife is still w/ me I don't know but I'm glad that she is b/c w/o her I would not be here...I love her and my boys so much...I want to live...At my worse I was drinking 1.5L of vodka or whiskey a day...I got to the point to where I had to have a few shots before leaving for work...people at work knew but didn't want to intrude...I had to go to ER almost weekly b/c of panic attacks...finally nearly two weeks ago on 18-November-15...I woke up early cause of my sick child...I took two shots thinking they would wear off before I had to go to work...they did not...so I called in for the morning thinking I would rest and get to work in the afternoon...I never made it...I couldn't breath, my heart wanted to jump out of my throat, my hands were dripping w/ sweat...I finally told my wife I had to go back to the ER...you could see the disappointment in her face...Then she started talking about what that would have to do if I wasn't here...that started to hit home for me...Also the nurse at the hospital asked me if I wanted to die...Of course I do not! I want to be here for my family...I've neglected my marriage and my boys due to this disease and I don't want it as part of my life anymore...I've been sober since that day...It HAS NOT been easy what so ever...the panic attacks, vomiting, couldn't sleep, the cravings...the whole nine yards...I've got a long way to go and know this is nowhere near over...It's a long bumpy road and I hope I have my 4WD on...I'm really glad that I found this site...there are so many inspirational stories here...Thank ya'll for being here and I can't wait to share more and get to know more people on here...
Thank ya'll so much,
scottie
Well this will be my third try in 10 years to get completely sober. First i'll get to a little about me...I'm a 32 (will be 33 Thursday, that's going to be a rough day) father of 3 wonderful boys and married to my best friend...I've been a drinker since I was 15 and ran away from home...I moved in w/ some really not good people and p/u the bottle for the first time...I drink more and more as the 2 years I lived w/ them progressed...I dropped out of High School shortly after and fell deeper and deeper...I look back now and realize I had a problem right from the beginning...I eventually finished my education and joined the Military in 2002...my first couple of years were a haze as I was drunk almost every night after work and PT...I remember thinking "I'm just having fun! This what all people my age do." Well pretty soon after that I met my wife...we married after only 8 months and have been together every since...I still drink all the time and she never really said anything about it...She is an occasional drinker...She could see that I had a problem but was afraid to say anything to me about it...Skip ahead a few years and in 2009 was my first attempt to get sober...I really did not want to but I got in a fight w/ a co-worker and my secret was spilled about my drinking...I was given a choice of 30 days rehab or jail...I took rehab of course...I was sober all of 2 months before I p/u the bottle again and was right back where I was...In 2011 my father passed away in a car accident...shortly after I was rear ended while at a stop sign and put into a telephone pole...luckily survived that incident but after those two events I started to develop anxiety/panic disorder...this was not anything that I had ever dealt w/ in my life...this only made my drinking worse than it already was...I continued to drink more and more as time went...Recently my health has been beginning to fade...I've been in and out of the hospital w/ panic attacks and seizures...I've been admitted twice in the last few months but refused treatment...I've not been a very good person at all on the sauce...I've hurt my wife, my kids and anyone that was close to me...I've done things I'm not proud of and have thought about ending it a few times...how my wife is still w/ me I don't know but I'm glad that she is b/c w/o her I would not be here...I love her and my boys so much...I want to live...At my worse I was drinking 1.5L of vodka or whiskey a day...I got to the point to where I had to have a few shots before leaving for work...people at work knew but didn't want to intrude...I had to go to ER almost weekly b/c of panic attacks...finally nearly two weeks ago on 18-November-15...I woke up early cause of my sick child...I took two shots thinking they would wear off before I had to go to work...they did not...so I called in for the morning thinking I would rest and get to work in the afternoon...I never made it...I couldn't breath, my heart wanted to jump out of my throat, my hands were dripping w/ sweat...I finally told my wife I had to go back to the ER...you could see the disappointment in her face...Then she started talking about what that would have to do if I wasn't here...that started to hit home for me...Also the nurse at the hospital asked me if I wanted to die...Of course I do not! I want to be here for my family...I've neglected my marriage and my boys due to this disease and I don't want it as part of my life anymore...I've been sober since that day...It HAS NOT been easy what so ever...the panic attacks, vomiting, couldn't sleep, the cravings...the whole nine yards...I've got a long way to go and know this is nowhere near over...It's a long bumpy road and I hope I have my 4WD on...I'm really glad that I found this site...there are so many inspirational stories here...Thank ya'll for being here and I can't wait to share more and get to know more people on here...
Thank ya'll so much,
scottie
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Scottie, Welcome!
Congratulations on your decision to stop drinking! You will be able to be the person, father, husband that you want to be. You will find lots of support here.
Congratulations on your decision to stop drinking! You will be able to be the person, father, husband that you want to be. You will find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Europe
Posts: 259
Welcome Scottie, glad to have you with us!
We do understand where you are coming from and how hard this is! I am also new to recovery and this please is so helpful and supporting. Post often and stay strong! You've made a great decision!
We do understand where you are coming from and how hard this is! I am also new to recovery and this please is so helpful and supporting. Post often and stay strong! You've made a great decision!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Whats up man... So you and I are very close in age; which is too young to die. However, if I kept going down the path I was, I probably would have died much earlier than I should have. Maybe not for 10 15 years whatever, point is living that lifestyle would have killed me one way or another.
You are young, you still have time to repair some/all of the damage you have done physically to your body while drinking IF you stop now. If you keep going down that path eventually there is the point of no return where you can get better, sure, but you wont ever be back to what you are accustomed to.
You mention panic attacks, anxiety and I sense some depression. All of that can/might be caused by alcohol. I would feel that panic in the mornings waking up, because my body was withdrawing from alcohol. Sweat palms, heart beating out of my chest, throwing up, nausea, depression, head aches... for me that was all because of alcohol. Now Im not saying that this will all disappear if you quit, but I can be almost certain that it will greatly reduce once you stop drinking.
Looking back (and keep in mind I am still newly sober after a few attempts and streaks of up to 3 months) I neglected my kids, my family and myself. I just kind of went through life just being there, but I wasnt there. I was just existing in my life, I wasnt living it. I noticed my daughter starting to become detached from me (which sucks) and I knew that I had a problem. I have started to fix all of that and I am gradually reconnecting with my daughter (and wife). I am starting to come around, but I still have some work to do.
But basis of the story is that you can quit and your life will only get better if you do. If you dont quit, then it is likely that you will continue down this downward spiral of hell and end up in a place that you dont want to be.
You can do it. There is a lot of support here and we are all here to help. I hope you make the decision to quit for yourself, your family, and your future. Good luck to you.
Biggest tip I have is to stay positive and stay hydrated during your quit. I downed 2-3 bottles of pedialyte a day for a few weeks and that greatly helped me.
You are young, you still have time to repair some/all of the damage you have done physically to your body while drinking IF you stop now. If you keep going down that path eventually there is the point of no return where you can get better, sure, but you wont ever be back to what you are accustomed to.
You mention panic attacks, anxiety and I sense some depression. All of that can/might be caused by alcohol. I would feel that panic in the mornings waking up, because my body was withdrawing from alcohol. Sweat palms, heart beating out of my chest, throwing up, nausea, depression, head aches... for me that was all because of alcohol. Now Im not saying that this will all disappear if you quit, but I can be almost certain that it will greatly reduce once you stop drinking.
Looking back (and keep in mind I am still newly sober after a few attempts and streaks of up to 3 months) I neglected my kids, my family and myself. I just kind of went through life just being there, but I wasnt there. I was just existing in my life, I wasnt living it. I noticed my daughter starting to become detached from me (which sucks) and I knew that I had a problem. I have started to fix all of that and I am gradually reconnecting with my daughter (and wife). I am starting to come around, but I still have some work to do.
But basis of the story is that you can quit and your life will only get better if you do. If you dont quit, then it is likely that you will continue down this downward spiral of hell and end up in a place that you dont want to be.
You can do it. There is a lot of support here and we are all here to help. I hope you make the decision to quit for yourself, your family, and your future. Good luck to you.
Biggest tip I have is to stay positive and stay hydrated during your quit. I downed 2-3 bottles of pedialyte a day for a few weeks and that greatly helped me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 60
Thank you all so much! Just a little update...I'm a disabled veteran and get my services from the Veteran Affairs here in good ol New Mexico...I just got back from my first apt with the Alcohol Dependency program...They gave me a shot of Vivitrol...I'm really nervous about that...I've managed these first two weeks...But I'm hoping for the best and willing to do anything to get better for ME and my family...They wanted to put me into an INPT program...but I denied that b/c my job is the one that helps w/ the bills and my wife goes to class at night...So they are going to do an intensive OUTPT program instead
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by sc0ot3r1982 
Thank you all so much! Just a little update...I'm a disabled veteran and get my services from the Veteran Affairs here in good ol New Mexico...I just got back from my first apt with the Alcohol Dependency program...They gave me a shot of Vivitrol...I'm really nervous about that...I've managed these first two weeks...But I'm hoping for the best and willing to do anything to get better for ME and my family...They wanted to put me into an INPT program...but I denied that b/c my job is the one that helps w/ the bills and my wife goes to class at night...So they are going to do an intensive OUTPT program instead
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 60
hello all,
just needed to post...Well today is my b-day...so far not so good...yesterday was 2 weeks sober...I'm sitting here at work and getting the anxiety attack, chest pains, racing heart beat...my wife has a big night planned and I don't want to ruin it...but this has been going on since last night and it sucks...I can't believe I've done this to myself...I can do this and I know I can...but when these anxiety attacks hit...it's the worse...I know this will not go away anytime soon as much as I was drinking...I just wish (for all of us) that I could snap my fingers and I could go back to being normal again...uggghhhh...oh well thanks for listening.
scottie
just needed to post...Well today is my b-day...so far not so good...yesterday was 2 weeks sober...I'm sitting here at work and getting the anxiety attack, chest pains, racing heart beat...my wife has a big night planned and I don't want to ruin it...but this has been going on since last night and it sucks...I can't believe I've done this to myself...I can do this and I know I can...but when these anxiety attacks hit...it's the worse...I know this will not go away anytime soon as much as I was drinking...I just wish (for all of us) that I could snap my fingers and I could go back to being normal again...uggghhhh...oh well thanks for listening.
scottie
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
It's so good to meet you, Scottie. Thank you for serving.
Happy Birthday - I hope you'll begin to feel better. I went through many phases as I began to heal - but everything settled down & got easier. Glad to have you here with us. Let us know how the night goes.
Happy Birthday - I hope you'll begin to feel better. I went through many phases as I began to heal - but everything settled down & got easier. Glad to have you here with us. Let us know how the night goes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 60
hello all,
Last night went great after I got away from work...The river of lights was awesome...The only downside was they decided to serve alcohol this year...It made me nervous at first but my wife gave a kiss on the cheek I ordered my hot cocoa and moved on...enjoyed the time w/ my boys...instead of go out for sushi (I'm still not comfortable w/ restaurants) my wife ordered and brought it home and we watched football and went to bed...all in all a successful sober night...thank you all for the encouragement...
scottie
Last night went great after I got away from work...The river of lights was awesome...The only downside was they decided to serve alcohol this year...It made me nervous at first but my wife gave a kiss on the cheek I ordered my hot cocoa and moved on...enjoyed the time w/ my boys...instead of go out for sushi (I'm still not comfortable w/ restaurants) my wife ordered and brought it home and we watched football and went to bed...all in all a successful sober night...thank you all for the encouragement...
scottie
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