keeppushing

Hi! I'm exactly like you right now. I've managed long periods of abstinence in the past but now I'm stuck in the same 3 day cycle. Better than a 0 day cycle but not as good as total abstinence.

Here's my take: everyone is different and my anxieties, especially feelings of hopelessness were overpowering me. Willpower only lasted so long. So I'm using certain tools to manage my anxiety without alcohol, such as CBT and REBT, as well as a therapist. My anxieties are coming down and my 3 day cycles are getting easier, so now it's time for me to buckle down and power through that third day.

Hope the different perspective helps in some way.

Good Luck!

KP

OpenTuning

Hi, I do understand what you're saying, though I'm not sure that means it makes any sense at all

So in your 3 day cycle, day one you're drunk so not thinking about anything at all, day two you're suffering with a bad hangover, feeling awful, which means you can't think about anything at all. And day three you've recovered enough that you can think, and that's when your issues bother you so you start drinking again.

But of course on that day three your issues haven't improved because you just threw away two days of your life in order to ignore them and do nothing at all to resolve them.

The only way to break free from this cycle, which will continue forever if nothing changes (other than likely getting even worse with more alcohol and bigger hangovers, and thus more issues to feel upset about) is to stay sober on day one, thus no hangover on day two, and use all three days to actually deal with those issues.

And they can be dealt with. Make an appointment with a counsellor perhaps as a first step. Talk through the issues that are bothering you and hopefully they can help you put them into perspective and come up with ways to face them and get past them. And also make an appointment with a dentist. Find out exactly what work they can do to solve that problem. If you can't afford the work right now, start saving for it (you'd be surprised how quickly you can save when you aren't buying booze).

You have a choice right now. You can make an active decision to improve your life by facing the issues you have head on, and finally dealing with them. It won't be easy, but the rewards will be life changing.

Or you can continue this cycle of destruction that will never solve your issues, but will make them even worse and gradually destroy your life completely.

Which one sounds more appealing?

Grendhar

So ... didn't drink yesterday and haven't drank yet today. I want this to be a successful day 2..will be a struggle. I almost stopped at the store on the way home.

Somehow in that instance the part of me doesn't want to drink reminded me of how I'd feel good for a little while but physically sick within a few hours and back to that feeling of complete hopelessness.

Addiction is so powerful ... as I typed the paragraph above a strong desire to click out of this forum and go get beer came over me.

So yeah ... struggling .. very risky day.

PurpleKnight

Hang in there Grendhar!! Chalk of Day 2 and keep pushing forward!!

Hawkeye13

Keep going--distract yourself, surf the urges, and get to the next day. . .
The only way out is through.
Your doing well on Day 2, just keep moving forward

Grendhar

I think the biggest thing bugging me right now is the clock. My thought process revolves around alcohol.

Girlfriend doesn't like me drinking, so I drink when she's at work. Today she's working 1pm to 10 pm. It's 1:38 pm right now. I keep looking at the clock and thinking I'm wasting my drinking time. That's been my thought process for years. I had a job until they did lay offs a month ago. I would watch the clock at work counting how many hours I'd have to drink when I got home.

Felt the same yesterday but felt proud of myself when I picked her up knowing I didn't do anything stupid.. Tonight I won't regret NOT drinking .. it's only right now the addicted part of my brain is telling me I'm wasting time ...

Feels a bit crazy lol..

Grendhar

If I can make it to about 6:30pm my time there's an A.A meeting at 7 down the road.

And tomorrow I have plans ..

Grendhar

Going outside to either rake leaves or fix my snowblower, this clock is driving me crazy

biminiblue

Good idea, G.

Keeping busy and/or physical activity always gets my mind into a healthy place.

biminiblue

My brain was really spinny and crazy in early sobriety.

It slows down and the obsessions stop after a while. Keep doing the next Right Thing, G.

OpenTuning

I know that feeling about the clock. I never used to eat before going out to the pub because in the UK they usually stop serving at 11pm. On the occasions where we'd eat first, I'd obsess that every minute in the restaurant was one less minute in the pub. I could drink a lot more in a pub than I could at a restaurant where you have to wait for a waiter to come serve you and it's more noticeable if you're the only one drinking that much. And usually they'd only serve beer in small bottles for crazy money. Not at all the most efficient way to drink. Pretty sad way to live when you think about it.

By the way, I hope you don't have any booze in your house right now. If so, step one is to pour that away. Right now while you still have some will power. It won't feel like a waste, because you don't drink any more, do you? Thing is, it's easier to stop yourself from getting in a car and driving to a store to buy alcohol, than to stop yourself from walking to the fridge. In time you'll be able to handle having alcohol around you without drinking it, but not while trying to get through these first few days. Throwing it away will feel pretty weird. Sure did for me. But also kind of empowering. "Look at me, I'm pouring beer down the sink. I'm actually serious about this. Well done me!"