Why can I not take my own advice?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Thinking about it, I've never actually lied myself when talking about why I quit, but in defence of the suggestions I made, hopefully you do feel physically better and more energetic since you quit (I do), and your friends on here have suggested quitting, and not drinking could be considered a cleansing programme, so technically that one is true.
The other one I thought of because my mother gets migraines from drinking wine, and there isn't that much difference between a migraine and a really bad hangover, which I'm guessing you've had from drinking (I certainly did). So you could argue that one is true as well.
I could have been a lawyer
The other one I thought of because my mother gets migraines from drinking wine, and there isn't that much difference between a migraine and a really bad hangover, which I'm guessing you've had from drinking (I certainly did). So you could argue that one is true as well.
I could have been a lawyer
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Mera, I agree with your own words "I am overthinking this". I know he is your boss etc....but I'm sure he'd rather have your company than not. Your smart enough to know how to politely decline. You'll be fine.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thank you so much, this has been enormously helpful. I am still so new to this sobriety thing, despite having tried and tried. I definitely will come back to this thread right before my lunch. The only thing I do know is that I am not willing to give up my now months of sobriety for any reason whatsoever. I WILL say no, no matter what, and I will find the right way thanks to your help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Good for you!!
It's soooo easy to overthink it, I sure have. I'm done now. Like so many have said, "no thank you" and a smile works just about every time. It's up to you and the situation what exact words you use, but a confident smile and a very pleasant "no, thank you" pretty much always does he trick.
Put out positive, happy about it, confident vibes. People don't usually fight the vibes.
It's soooo easy to overthink it, I sure have. I'm done now. Like so many have said, "no thank you" and a smile works just about every time. It's up to you and the situation what exact words you use, but a confident smile and a very pleasant "no, thank you" pretty much always does he trick.
Put out positive, happy about it, confident vibes. People don't usually fight the vibes.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
What can help if you don't want to answer a direct question is to have a series of responses ready, so that if the other person keeps asking you, you have a next satisfactory response for yourself.
Then, after the second or third response "I'm not drinking today"; " I have work on I want to focus on when I get back to the office"; try one more neutral response and tag on an unrelated question that the other person will have to answer. "Pellegrino, please; I've been wondering how your trip to Italy went with all the extra security in place..." That politely sets a boundary without ever having to say it, and moves them along into another train of thought.
ShootingStar1
Then, after the second or third response "I'm not drinking today"; " I have work on I want to focus on when I get back to the office"; try one more neutral response and tag on an unrelated question that the other person will have to answer. "Pellegrino, please; I've been wondering how your trip to Italy went with all the extra security in place..." That politely sets a boundary without ever having to say it, and moves them along into another train of thought.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
If he truly wants your company then he should be ok with you saying that you have decided to take a break from drinking, or that you no longer drink but you would be happy to go to lunch with him. Unless he is seeking a drinking partner I dont see why he wouldnt understand and be ok with it. You can say that when you took a break from drinking when you had your antibiotic, that you felt better and it just snowballed from there. That the desire to drink isnt there anymore. I have found that if I am honest and just say that I dont drink no one cares...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
When I read the title, my heart sank that you may have drank. So relieved that's not a case!
I agree you should meet him for lunch, you can't avoid these situations forever. Definitely be mentally prepared ahead of time that the option to drink is completely off the table, it does not exist. You don't drink alcohol, period. Good luck! Please write how it went afterwards.
How are things with your boyfriend?
I agree you should meet him for lunch, you can't avoid these situations forever. Definitely be mentally prepared ahead of time that the option to drink is completely off the table, it does not exist. You don't drink alcohol, period. Good luck! Please write how it went afterwards.
How are things with your boyfriend?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 585
Hello Mera
Spending time with someone and drinking with someone are two entirely different things. Trust me, I do get it. This was a major hurdle for me to overcome as well. I'm to the point that my friends or acquaintances don't ask me if I want to drink. My resolve with them is strong. It's when I am hanging out with me is when the trouble starts. Hang in there Mera. You have come too far. My prayers and thoughts are with you my friend.
Spending time with someone and drinking with someone are two entirely different things. Trust me, I do get it. This was a major hurdle for me to overcome as well. I'm to the point that my friends or acquaintances don't ask me if I want to drink. My resolve with them is strong. It's when I am hanging out with me is when the trouble starts. Hang in there Mera. You have come too far. My prayers and thoughts are with you my friend.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
I would tell him the truth. Lying and beating around the bush may make him feel like you don't want to hang out with him. I would just tell him that you are no longer drinking but you would love to enjoy lunch with him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
You won't drink, period. Your sobriety won't be threatened. Period. So keep that in mind and don't worry too much!
The End Of The World is not approaching. It's just lunch. Perhaps, before he orders any wine, you can get the waiter's attention and say "Sir, a Pellegrino would be absolutely perfect" - right as you sit down. Now you'll have that glass of sparkling water in front of you immediately. You've got a drink already. It's a natural barrier. You are set and don't need anything more. For him to try and order wine for you at this point, it would seem like he's trying to force it down your gullet. He'll feel guilty to ask you if you want something ON TOP of what you already have, that he'll take your "no thanks" and won't push back at all.
Sometimes we must sacrifice a little elegance in these situations to maintain our most elegant and amazing sober lives outside of restaurants and bars. It's a worthy sacrifice. Don't sweat it.
The End Of The World is not approaching. It's just lunch. Perhaps, before he orders any wine, you can get the waiter's attention and say "Sir, a Pellegrino would be absolutely perfect" - right as you sit down. Now you'll have that glass of sparkling water in front of you immediately. You've got a drink already. It's a natural barrier. You are set and don't need anything more. For him to try and order wine for you at this point, it would seem like he's trying to force it down your gullet. He'll feel guilty to ask you if you want something ON TOP of what you already have, that he'll take your "no thanks" and won't push back at all.
Sometimes we must sacrifice a little elegance in these situations to maintain our most elegant and amazing sober lives outside of restaurants and bars. It's a worthy sacrifice. Don't sweat it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
That's a good tip bigsombrero. I'd forgotten how often the first person to order sets the tone for a lunch meeting. I have a friend/colleague (with an unacknowledged drinking problem) who ordered a gin and tonic when the investors we were meeting had both just ordered soft drinks. We didn't get any money from them, and I felt embarrassed for him as soon as he did it. And angry too, to be honest. Even I was capable of waiting an hour with so much at stake.
Mera's meeting is more casual, but ordering first will immediately take the pressure off. "Are you sure you wouldn't like some wine?" "I'm fine with Pellegrino, thank you, but please do order some for yourself". And just keep repeating, with a pleasant smile, that you're fine with Pellegrino if he persists and the subject will drop very quickly. Really no need to say any more than that. And as he sounds like a gentleman he'll get the message quickly that pushing harder would be rude.
Mera's meeting is more casual, but ordering first will immediately take the pressure off. "Are you sure you wouldn't like some wine?" "I'm fine with Pellegrino, thank you, but please do order some for yourself". And just keep repeating, with a pleasant smile, that you're fine with Pellegrino if he persists and the subject will drop very quickly. Really no need to say any more than that. And as he sounds like a gentleman he'll get the message quickly that pushing harder would be rude.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Ok, here it is friends! The lunch is tomorrow! We are going to one of the nicest, most elegant, most expensive, most super super super restaurants in the area. I cannot wait for the food, he has taken me here before and it is divine. I am so thankful and appreciative of many of your thoughtful responses and agree whole-heartedly that I do need to simply say that I am not drinking because I DO NOT drink. However, as it is, I was very sick last week. I spoke on the phone to my boss and he heard that I was sick and asked me about it. I informed him just today (as I had to supervise and interpret a work in his garden) that I was taking medication. I do think that tomorrow I will use this as my reason for not drinking.
Again, I appreciate all those that said I should just be honest, but at this point this is what I am comfortable with and what will keep me sober for the day, so I'll take it.
Again, I appreciate all those that said I should just be honest, but at this point this is what I am comfortable with and what will keep me sober for the day, so I'll take it.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Mera, stay strong, be honest, and be kind. Answer "Would you like a drink?" with "Yes, a Pelli with lemon" or whatever you want to drink. "Some wine?" with "I can't. It interferes with my work." Be positive and resolute.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
