A Sober Dinner Party
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
A Sober Dinner Party
My wife and I went to friends for dinner on the weekend. They'd invited another couple we didn't know, who they thought we'd like.
When we arrived they offered mulled wine, and also non-alcoholic mulled apple juice which was delicious (my wife preferred it). Not one word was said all night about my not drinking, but they'd gone out of their way to cater for me which I was really touched by (I'd brought some fancy juice and sparkling water just in case).
What really struck me, though, was over dinner there were about 5 open bottles of wine on the table by the end, and not only was I not tempted, but I enjoyed myself more than I remember enjoying a similar evening before.
The reason I think is that in the past I would have been obsessed about those bottles of wine. Worrying when they were running low, wondering whether I can reach the one which still has some left in it at the other end of the table without looking rude. Feeling annoyed if someone pours a large glass for themselves when there isn't that much left in the bottle. Wanting to top up my glass before I'd finished in case we ran out too soon. Wondering how much I could drink before people start to notice I'm having more than anyone else. I'd have been able to tell you almost to the drop exactly how much wine was in each bottle at any one time. And all of that would create a distance between me and the conversation. It's mentally exhausting to obsess that much about alcohol.
Instead I was 100% engaged in the conversation. I really got to know the new couple and had a great talk. One of them has just started in a profession I'm considering going into and I learned a lot about that. And I was still laughing, and making people laugh. I asked my wife later if I would have seemed at all like the boring sober one and she said no. It was great.
I guess I wanted to share this just to make the point again that giving up drinking isn't all about sacrifice and denial. Life is actually better sober.
When we arrived they offered mulled wine, and also non-alcoholic mulled apple juice which was delicious (my wife preferred it). Not one word was said all night about my not drinking, but they'd gone out of their way to cater for me which I was really touched by (I'd brought some fancy juice and sparkling water just in case).
What really struck me, though, was over dinner there were about 5 open bottles of wine on the table by the end, and not only was I not tempted, but I enjoyed myself more than I remember enjoying a similar evening before.
The reason I think is that in the past I would have been obsessed about those bottles of wine. Worrying when they were running low, wondering whether I can reach the one which still has some left in it at the other end of the table without looking rude. Feeling annoyed if someone pours a large glass for themselves when there isn't that much left in the bottle. Wanting to top up my glass before I'd finished in case we ran out too soon. Wondering how much I could drink before people start to notice I'm having more than anyone else. I'd have been able to tell you almost to the drop exactly how much wine was in each bottle at any one time. And all of that would create a distance between me and the conversation. It's mentally exhausting to obsess that much about alcohol.
Instead I was 100% engaged in the conversation. I really got to know the new couple and had a great talk. One of them has just started in a profession I'm considering going into and I learned a lot about that. And I was still laughing, and making people laugh. I asked my wife later if I would have seemed at all like the boring sober one and she said no. It was great.
I guess I wanted to share this just to make the point again that giving up drinking isn't all about sacrifice and denial. Life is actually better sober.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by OpenTuning 
The reason I think is that in the past I would have been obsessed about those bottles of wine. Worrying when they were running low, wondering whether I can reach the one which still has some left in it at the other end of the table without looking rude. Feeling annoyed if someone pours a large glass for themselves when there isn't that much left in the bottle. Wanting to top up my glass before I'd finished in case we ran out too soon. Wondering how much I could drink before people start to notice I'm having more than anyone else. I'd have been able to tell you almost to the drop exactly how much wine was in each bottle at any one time. And all of that would create a distance between me and the conversation. It's mentally exhausting to obsess that much about alcohol.
I'm so glad you had a nice dinner, thanks for this great post, too.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 354
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Wow, I can completely relate to this! Everything you said- the reaching for the bottle, will they notice, who is drinking more, how much is left….. It really is exhausting and becomes the ONLY focus of the evening and is 100% not enjoyable in any way. Not anymore!
Thanks to the OP for posting - every little anecdote on this site helps immensely!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
Great post. Thanks for sharing! I have our annual holiday party coming up and I'm looking forward to a nice sober evening free of the obsession over alcohol and wondering if people are judging me for going to the open bar too many times.
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