I want to believe his drinking isn't a problem-but I don't and I don't know what to do
 

So after reading many of all of the concerns and responses to concerns it feels nice to have somewhere safe to talk about what's going on. We've been dating over 2 years and I always knew he drank a lot of beer. Within the past few months, though I've noticed he started drinking all day long now. I think he might almost drink a 24 pack-maybe more on a daily basis-at any rate it's obviously a lot and I think it's bad-but he says it's not and gets really defensive about it. He says if he doesn't drink that much, he can't urinate without pain. Any ideas why??? (I've been looking up reasons for that and haven't found any real answers-except that that much alcohol can cause that but not that it prevents it like he's experiencing...)
Anyway, one of the titles was "is 12 beers too much" and of course the obvious answers but also someone said to ask yourself if it's creating stress or chaos in your life, and if it is, then even 1 beer can be too much. Anyway, I can imagine life being a bit difficult without the drinking also, but he does seem unavailable, edgy-very edgy about almost any subject, and in a lot of ways I'm embarrassed to admit I don't want fights so I put his wants over mine or anyone else's. It's often he sleeps all day, or lays in bed and watches tv and drinks beer of course. His money hasn't gone to help me buy groceries or household items or anything fun like going on mini vacations or even a night at the movies. Lately, I've wanted to go so much that I go alone which in turn causes fights for me leaving. If I ask him for money, the results are fights I can't seem to win or even come out of with any sense of love, appreciation, etc. We disagree about so many things-even what to watch-and I pay for the services-but I often say nothing because :a043: I think I'm feeling like I've led him to drink to this really unhealthy level and I should be nicer or better and he'll realize it's not good for him and he'll stop. In other ways, I feel super angry and want to just leave and not look back. To be honest, I already have my truck packed and now I'm just looking for a place to go-this has been like this since Sept and I found a job where I can leave here which starts in a month. I just want to leave with support so I'll cope better. So thank you to everyone here for the support. <3

Hi and welcome ShirleyLouise :)

Please stop thinking you need to be nicer or better or that you've done anything to increase his booze intake.

As an alcoholic I can tell you, noone made me drink - although I did lay blame when I was drunk and spouting BS....

To be honest, this doesn't sound like a great relationship for you. What are you getting out of it? :dunno:

D

Hi ShirleyLouise,

As Dee says, it's hard to see what you could be getting out of this relationship. Your boyfriend clearly has a problem. That urinary tract excuse has to be the best example of denial I've seen. Unbelievable he thinks drinking 24 cans of beer makes more sense than seeing a doctor about that problem.

If your boyfriend is convinced he doesn't have a problem, and his drinking is making your life as miserable as it sounds, then it's hard to see how your current situation could get any better. Things must have been good once for you to be living together, so I understand why leaving would be a painful decision, but it sounds like you already know what the best option is.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find the happiness that you deserve.

Welcome to the Forum ShirleyLouise!! :wave:

A 24 pack a day is not a sustainable way forward, no matter what anyone tries to say in my view, and you could be the nicest girlfriend in the world and what's the chances that he still has that 24 pack? The reality is alcohol can become an addiction and like anything else no one or thing makes us drink, we picked up that drink because we wanted to drink, not because you or anyone else made us feel like picking up that drink.

I'm also of the view, what is in this relationship for you? No help with bills, constantly putting someone else's wishes above yours, and the story of having to go to see a movie on your own is just heartbreaking, I'm not currently in a relationship but I think it's not unreasonable to expect both people to get something back from each other, and it doesn't sound like it in this situation.

Don't let your life pass you by as a result of someone else's drinking, be happy, life is short, and if you can't say you're truly happy in this relationship, go out and get a slice of happiness for yourself in this world!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR, great to have you here!! :)

Unless this man truly wishes to seek help
(no indication of seeking in your thread)
Make sure your gas tank is full and be ready.

Life is real short
we want and need to be with ones of encouragement
not with ones who constantly bring us down.

Look down the road and what do you see -- happiness or pain ?

MB

Why should you leave, get a barring order, that may bring him to his knees quicker and look for help. we call it tough love.
You are a victim of a probably lovely guy without drink but drinking that much there definitely is a problem.
ring alanon now, you'll finf the nearest number online, free service too.
My heart bleeds for you, tough love was the only thing that made me quit, when you are in the gutter and seek help.
My sponsor would always say to me "never refuse anyone a tough rock bottom"
He once called the cops for me because i was drinking and driving, I was so mad, he said what if you killed someone, do you ever think you'd get sober then.

Welcome Shirlylouise