Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 25
Hello
Why is it so hard and scary to admit that you have a problem with alcohol? Maybe because people would be shocked if I told them how much I have been drinking after work almost every night? That often I don't remember how I got to bed? The shame and the guilt?
I have been lurking on this site for months trying to get the courage to post. I finally signed up a couple of weeks ago and still didn't post. My pattern is to read posts, decide to quit drinking, go for 3 to 4 days, start feeling better, and then the AV kicks in.... You don't really have a problem. Lots of people drink after work. You had a rough day at work and deserve to relax...You don't drink during the day.....You are fine. I'm not fine. People who are fine don't drink a bottle of wine every night and I can't just have one glass. You see I am an all or nothing kind of person and that makes alcohol toxic to me.
I have seen the support on this site and in order to stop I need some accountability. I don't feel like I can reach out to my friends and family. They would be shocked and I would feel like a failure. So today is my day 1 and I want it to be my last one. I want to feel and look better. I want to be present for my son. He really is the light of my life. He hasn't figured it out yet but I know he will.
My plan right now is to take it one day at a time. I will not drink today. Looking at the future and dwelling on the fact that I can't/shouldn't drink seems bleak. I am going to read books on sobriety, exercise after work instead of drink, join the newcomers thread and post here when I feel the urge...oh and kick my AV to the curb.
I ask myself all the time..how did I get to this point?
I have been lurking on this site for months trying to get the courage to post. I finally signed up a couple of weeks ago and still didn't post. My pattern is to read posts, decide to quit drinking, go for 3 to 4 days, start feeling better, and then the AV kicks in.... You don't really have a problem. Lots of people drink after work. You had a rough day at work and deserve to relax...You don't drink during the day.....You are fine. I'm not fine. People who are fine don't drink a bottle of wine every night and I can't just have one glass. You see I am an all or nothing kind of person and that makes alcohol toxic to me.
I have seen the support on this site and in order to stop I need some accountability. I don't feel like I can reach out to my friends and family. They would be shocked and I would feel like a failure. So today is my day 1 and I want it to be my last one. I want to feel and look better. I want to be present for my son. He really is the light of my life. He hasn't figured it out yet but I know he will.
My plan right now is to take it one day at a time. I will not drink today. Looking at the future and dwelling on the fact that I can't/shouldn't drink seems bleak. I am going to read books on sobriety, exercise after work instead of drink, join the newcomers thread and post here when I feel the urge...oh and kick my AV to the curb.
I ask myself all the time..how did I get to this point?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
welcome Augusta...
As you learn more about how the 'addiction' to alcohol works, post often.
If you ever feel like you are going to drink or want a drink, post and ask first.
Don't post AFTER you drink, post BEFORE you drink, It helps.
As you learn more about how the 'addiction' to alcohol works, post often.
If you ever feel like you are going to drink or want a drink, post and ask first.
Don't post AFTER you drink, post BEFORE you drink, It helps.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 120
Augusta, your story is like many of ours! I'm glad that you decided to join us and to kick alcohol's butt! You don't need it in your life. And you're absolutely right. It seems overwhelming to think about never drinking again, but if you take it one day or even one hour at a time, it makes things seem much more manageable. You can do this!
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Welcome Augusta. You're not alone. In fact you're no different than all of us here. Drinking just doesn't work for us. Nothing to be ashamed about. Keep posting and using the support here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 101
Welcome Augusta! You are not alone and you came to the right place. Lots of great people here who offer support day and night.
Your drinking pattern and your AV seem very similar to mine. It took me a long time to finally get the courage up to do something about it, but here I am, almost 4 months sober. You can do it too!
Your drinking pattern and your AV seem very similar to mine. It took me a long time to finally get the courage up to do something about it, but here I am, almost 4 months sober. You can do it too!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: maine
Posts: 204
Do it Now
Oh Augusta - I am happy you found us - stop while you are young and so aware. Booze dragged me to some horrible spots, along with my loving family. It has taken me over 20 years to finally come alive and be present. This spot has helped immensely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 25
Thank you again for all of your responses. It is good to know I am not alone.
The clock says that it is getting close to wine time and I can feel my anxiety increasing. Unbelievable that it has become such a habit that even one day is hard. My AV is saying...it's the weekend and your son isn't here. Why not start tomorrow instead? I just need to make new habits and change my patterns right? One day at a time. Breathe....
The clock says that it is getting close to wine time and I can feel my anxiety increasing. Unbelievable that it has become such a habit that even one day is hard. My AV is saying...it's the weekend and your son isn't here. Why not start tomorrow instead? I just need to make new habits and change my patterns right? One day at a time. Breathe....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Good to have you with us, Augusta. It does really help to have the understanding of those who've been there. Not feeling alone anymore really strengthened me & gave me the courage to change.
I drank all through my son's childhood. I told myself I was fine - it was just a way to cope. I regret so much being numb & foggy a lot of the time. I commend you for wanting to get free.
I drank all through my son's childhood. I told myself I was fine - it was just a way to cope. I regret so much being numb & foggy a lot of the time. I commend you for wanting to get free.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think most of us can identify with your post Augusta 
I found this community was really good at making it much harder for me to rationalise I was doing OK.
When you see things in black and white it makes it real, and I thank SR for that. My acceptance of what I was changed everything
welcome
D
I found this community was really good at making it much harder for me to rationalise I was doing OK.
When you see things in black and white it makes it real, and I thank SR for that. My acceptance of what I was changed everything
welcome
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Why is it so hard and scary to admit that you have a problem with alcohol?
I heard a story once about a guy who went to one AA meeting and was angry because he couldn't enjoy drinking after that. That one meeting had ruined drinking for him. Oh, he continued drinking for several more years but the joy was gone. He knew he was doing something bad every time he drank.
Great question. In my experiences, it was the scariest thing I had ever done because I knew that once I admitted it, even just to myself, then I would never be able to enjoy alcohol again. And I was in love with drinking. I was crazy about drinking so it meant the beginning of the end of the one of the most constant companions in my life. Heck, for about 7 years I chose alcohol above all people's company or events. I was happiest when I was at home after work, alone, and drinking.
What's great though is that you don't really have to make a big deal out of it when you stop. I quit on the sly. I didn't even mention it for a few weeks to my partner who I live with. I just turned down drinks, "not tonight, thanks..." "no, thanks....." "not tonight thanks...." until I had like a month and then told him. The news was neither a shock or cause of celebration or alarm. Just a "Oh, cool.....okay."
It was a long process. I knew I had a serious alcohol problem at 28 but drank for four more years.
I stopped at 32 and I have not had a drink in 17 months.
I also had many nights where I did not know how I got to bed.
I heard a story once about a guy who went to one AA meeting and was angry because he couldn't enjoy drinking after that. That one meeting had ruined drinking for him. Oh, he continued drinking for several more years but the joy was gone. He knew he was doing something bad every time he drank.
Great question. In my experiences, it was the scariest thing I had ever done because I knew that once I admitted it, even just to myself, then I would never be able to enjoy alcohol again. And I was in love with drinking. I was crazy about drinking so it meant the beginning of the end of the one of the most constant companions in my life. Heck, for about 7 years I chose alcohol above all people's company or events. I was happiest when I was at home after work, alone, and drinking.
What's great though is that you don't really have to make a big deal out of it when you stop. I quit on the sly. I didn't even mention it for a few weeks to my partner who I live with. I just turned down drinks, "not tonight, thanks..." "no, thanks....." "not tonight thanks...." until I had like a month and then told him. The news was neither a shock or cause of celebration or alarm. Just a "Oh, cool.....okay."
It was a long process. I knew I had a serious alcohol problem at 28 but drank for four more years.
I stopped at 32 and I have not had a drink in 17 months.
I also had many nights where I did not know how I got to bed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by Yogapants 
Welcome Augusta! You are not alone and you came to the right place. Lots of great people here who offer support day and night.
Your drinking pattern and your AV seem very similar to mine. It took me a long time to finally get the courage up to do something about it, but here I am, almost 4 months sober. You can do it too!
Your drinking pattern and your AV seem very similar to mine. It took me a long time to finally get the courage up to do something about it, but here I am, almost 4 months sober. You can do it too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers
Why is it so hard and scary to admit that you have a problem with alcohol?
I heard a story once about a guy who went to one AA meeting and was angry because he couldn't enjoy drinking after that. That one meeting had ruined drinking for him. Oh, he continued drinking for several more years but the joy was gone. He knew he was doing something bad every time he drank.
Great question. In my experiences, it was the scariest thing I had ever done because I knew that once I admitted it, even just to myself, then I would never be able to enjoy alcohol again. And I was in love with drinking. I was crazy about drinking so it meant the beginning of the end of the one of the most constant companions in my life. Heck, for about 7 years I chose alcohol above all people's company or events. I was happiest when I was at home after work, alone, and drinking.
What's great though is that you don't really have to make a big deal out of it when you stop. I quit on the sly. I didn't even mention it for a few weeks to my partner who I live with. I just turned down drinks, "not tonight, thanks..." "no, thanks....." "not tonight thanks...." until I had like a month and then told him. The news was neither a shock or cause of celebration or alarm. Just a "Oh, cool.....okay."
It was a long process. I knew I had a serious alcohol problem at 28 but drank for four more years.
I stopped at 32 and I have not had a drink in 17 months.
I also had many nights where I did not know how I got to bed.
I heard a story once about a guy who went to one AA meeting and was angry because he couldn't enjoy drinking after that. That one meeting had ruined drinking for him. Oh, he continued drinking for several more years but the joy was gone. He knew he was doing something bad every time he drank.
Great question. In my experiences, it was the scariest thing I had ever done because I knew that once I admitted it, even just to myself, then I would never be able to enjoy alcohol again. And I was in love with drinking. I was crazy about drinking so it meant the beginning of the end of the one of the most constant companions in my life. Heck, for about 7 years I chose alcohol above all people's company or events. I was happiest when I was at home after work, alone, and drinking.
What's great though is that you don't really have to make a big deal out of it when you stop. I quit on the sly. I didn't even mention it for a few weeks to my partner who I live with. I just turned down drinks, "not tonight, thanks..." "no, thanks....." "not tonight thanks...." until I had like a month and then told him. The news was neither a shock or cause of celebration or alarm. Just a "Oh, cool.....okay."
It was a long process. I knew I had a serious alcohol problem at 28 but drank for four more years.
I stopped at 32 and I have not had a drink in 17 months.
I also had many nights where I did not know how I got to bed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Good to have you with us, Augusta. It does really help to have the understanding of those who've been there. Not feeling alone anymore really strengthened me & gave me the courage to change.
I drank all through my son's childhood. I told myself I was fine - it was just a way to cope. I regret so much being numb & foggy a lot of the time. I commend you for wanting to get free.
I drank all through my son's childhood. I told myself I was fine - it was just a way to cope. I regret so much being numb & foggy a lot of the time. I commend you for wanting to get free.
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