RedAndy

I've made a lifetime of being that very same person - just shy of 30 years - had to accept that massive changes are required if I'm to get myself back to any sort of normality and sincerity, cancelled trips the last 2 weekends - no office Xmas party or nights out with the lads - just taking myself out of situations to get away from it and unfortunately accepting my days out with the lads are numbered - all heavy drinkers and all off it on anything and everything we can get our hands on from moment 1 to when the party finishes - it's gotta happen tho otherwise game over - I'm slightly more fortunate I'm technically the black sheep of the family and the only one into drink and drugs - my wife not a massive drinker by any stretch so things on that side for me a little easier however it wouldn't matter right now as I'm also doing it for me to get my head clear and work at having a future, the amount i was doing I'm lucky to even be here - I came close to the edge with job / family and sanity only 2 weeks ago but the light has come on and I've woken up to the fact that unless i take responsibility and do / want to do something to help myself there's nothing anyone can do.

Prove it to yourself and it will happen.

zombob

All I can say is alcohol takes us "there"---a place we've judged others harshly, and by default ourselves. No judgement here...I've done all that. The greatest news is I don't have to "give myself away" again, or at least have more of a say-so now that I don't "give" myself to alcohol. I used to believe it took me, but I was wishing that upon myself every time I rationalized "one drink". Best wishes on making the best decision you will ever make. It ain't easy but nothing worthy in life is.

enfinthechange

All my friends drink like fishes too.... my husband over does it sometimes, and drinks regularly. ... he sent me out for more beer when I was half cut anyway.... I said I'll go to the pub then... he just went yeah, OK. .. so I was in there for 5 hours and made my stupid decision to act on drunken lust. ... oh dear. He kind of supports my drinking, let's me go out whenever I like.... I guess he trusted me, but not any more. Blown that. The other guys was jut so nice and flattering to me... what an idiot I am.

ByTheBay

(((((enfin))))

I've been there. Really. And decided to punish myself and keep drinking more until I fell on the street and got a concussion, not to mention a cut-up face from the concrete. Reflect, but don't punish yourself.

Meraviglioso's advice is excellent.

Spend some time today focusing on staying sober, just for today.

Sending you love. You are strong.

FormerWineGirl

There is light at the end of this dark tunnel, it's yours for the taking, but you will have to seek it out. Going to the dr is a great start. You owe it to yourself and your kids to get healed. If you commit to healing yourself, the rest will come together.

OCDDan

enfinthechange,
Thanks for being so open and honest, i'm sure you helped a lot of people here on SR by doing so (including myself.) your situation brings to mind a recent issue I had with a friend, I thought i was sure that she lied to me (about something trivial) but i didn't feel better until i lied to her, what i'm trying to say is, there could be a backlash and please don't let it make you drink if it does happen

RedAndy

Yes it was bad decision of that there is no doubt and I've made more of those than I care to remember but the fact is its done and there's nothing you can do to change it - all you can do is work to put it right, you know what you need to do deep down but have to want it as I know I do, like I say many times I've really made huge mistakes / trouble with the law - custodial / drugs / affair - the list is endless but until now it was everybody else's problem as I did not accept any responsibility or that I have any sort of problem - it's taken me getting to the absolute brink of losing everything to realise what an utter shambles of a man and husband / father I really am - as Dee 74 said to me earlier it's never to late to start Chapter 2 - well I've opened the page and started and not a chance I'm going back to that person - it's the drink that's caused all the problems and that why I know it truly has to stop playing nice and for all. So do you 👍

enfinthechange

Oh god... the backlash... I just hope they guy can keep his mouth shut... but he's 22 and in the pub all the time, so unlikely.... he seems so nice, but I am so easily taken in! Maybe sober I can deal with my feelings better.....

Soberween

Enfinthechange, please know that your post is helping others. Myself included and I have several years of sobriety. It is a great reminder that this disease is brutal. The best thing you can do is make a plan of recovery and stick to it. Your actions in response to this are critical in showing your family that you will go to any lengths to begin to live the life you were meant to live.

Also, keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant and is still in your system which exacerbates the despair you are feeling today. Tomorrow when the physical alcohol has completely left your system, I am certain your depression will get a boost (it may be a tiny one) and all this all will seem more bearable.

I love the serenity prayer and say it constantly to myself when I'm scared and baffled by what this life has thrown at me. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

AnvilheadII

sounds like it's time to change playmates, playgrounds and playthings.....just NOT drinking is of course the best start, but also NOT engaging in the lifestyle of a drinker.

enfinthechange

Funny thing is, now.i feel.like a beer again. Jeez.... what a.fool....

entropy1964

Oh man. I'm so sorry you're faced with such a difficult situation. I am pretty sure nothing I say will help. I can only hope that with sobriety and some time your husband can learn to forgive you and maybe stay together if the marriage can be repaired. If the marriage can't weather this hopefully your kids are pretty young. My ex and I divorced when my daughter was 2. She just doesn't remember things being any different. She actually likes that we're divorced....says it creeps her out to think of us together We are friends now and have always kept our issues away from our child. She just sees that she gets two of everything and the complete attention of the parent she is with in the moment. But I do hope you can fix your marriage, if that is what you want. But trust is absolutely paramount and if that can't be restored the relationship will have lots of resentment....and that is miserable.

It will take time for your heart to heal. But it will heal much more quickly if you are sober. You can do this!

enfinthechange

And now I seem to be panicking and crying..... oh god.... the despair....

Brauggi

That is the addict within talking. Drinking would temporarily make things seem okay, but that is just an illusion as the problems remain, and likely actually get much worse. Imagine how that decision would impact your family and your relationship with your husband. You are stronger than this compulsion. The only way things will get better in your relationships with your children and your husband is to show them that you want to be sober for them, and more importantly, for you!

Soberween

That's the insanity of this disease.... cunning, baffling and powerful. You want the beer to escape (even if momentarily) feeling these horrible feelings.

biminiblue

enfin, I'm glad you're talking.

I've made some huge mistakes when I was drinking, too. Huge.

Please keep coming back and keep talking. Don't pick up a drink today. All this will work itself out, no matter what happens - BUT the only way to find happiness for yourself is to put down the drink. This is the time.

Jsbodhi

(((( hug)))) been there xoxo
I once cheated on my boyfriend with an ex con, covered in tattoos I met in a hotel pool on a layover in Phoenix.
Not the best decision maker when I drink :/

beautifulpines

[QU OTE=enfinthechange;5664299]I'm here, among others, I am sure. Take some deep breaths and stay here.

Anna

Drinking will make things much worse than they already are.

The best thing you can do is to stop drinking and work on staying sober. You will very likely need to distance yourself from people and places which involve alcohol, at least for quite some time. If your husband drinks, so be it. It doesn't mean you have to drink, nor do you have to buy alcohol for him. I think if you keep the focus on yourself and what you need to do for your children and yourself, you will get through this.

enfinthechange

I don't feel real.... I am.just crumbling... reading bimini's post just reminded me of the optimism of March last year.... I gave up then for the same reason, the same guy... I didn't see him again till this week. And it happened again. I can never go back to the pub in the village anyway now, they will all think I'm a total Slag. Parents of my kids friends were there and saw us flirting..... it was soòooooo bad...... I just want to chop myself into tiny pieces and throw myself in the bin.... I am ****.....