I want to give up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
I want to give up
I feel like such a failure. I just realized it was almost a YEAR ago that I wrote about going to jail for the first time. Since then I've been to jail two more times and still drink on occasion.
It's very frustrating because the rest of my life is starting to go well.
I don't want to lose an incredible new man in my life because of this. I also walked into my new job sort of drunk once and was fortunate no one who could fire me saw. But a few people did.
I feel like I've tried and failed so many times I can't imagine completely succeeding. Every time I get a few weeks behind me I stop feeling like I have a problem and a drink seems like not such a big deal.
Last night I drank a bottle of wine and three beers. This morning I drank three more beers. I am SO lucky I stopped. I've ended up on two day benders drinking in the morning. My anxiety has been through the roof all day. I hate my brain.
Well I have no choice but to keep trying. I think I made a mistake when I left this board for another one so I'm back here and plan to check in every single day for the next year.
Feel free to give advice if you want but I'm mainly writing to just stop feeling so alone with all this.
Thanks for reading
It's very frustrating because the rest of my life is starting to go well.
I don't want to lose an incredible new man in my life because of this. I also walked into my new job sort of drunk once and was fortunate no one who could fire me saw. But a few people did.
I feel like I've tried and failed so many times I can't imagine completely succeeding. Every time I get a few weeks behind me I stop feeling like I have a problem and a drink seems like not such a big deal.
Last night I drank a bottle of wine and three beers. This morning I drank three more beers. I am SO lucky I stopped. I've ended up on two day benders drinking in the morning. My anxiety has been through the roof all day. I hate my brain.
Well I have no choice but to keep trying. I think I made a mistake when I left this board for another one so I'm back here and plan to check in every single day for the next year.
Feel free to give advice if you want but I'm mainly writing to just stop feeling so alone with all this.
Thanks for reading
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,445
Welcome back, Redladyslipper!
Do not give up, ever. This disease is relentless and it will not stop. Have faith that you can do this and recover. Keep reading and posting here, too.
Do not give up, ever. This disease is relentless and it will not stop. Have faith that you can do this and recover. Keep reading and posting here, too.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
glad you're back, redladyslipper.
it took me a gazillion tries, but finally i got it.
some of the things that helped me cement in my sobriety was daily contact on a recovery forum, daily reading of books with other peoples' "stories" of how they went about it, a weekly meeting, and changing some routines.
stick around and see what's working for others and if that's something you'd be willing to do.
it took me a gazillion tries, but finally i got it.
some of the things that helped me cement in my sobriety was daily contact on a recovery forum, daily reading of books with other peoples' "stories" of how they went about it, a weekly meeting, and changing some routines.
stick around and see what's working for others and if that's something you'd be willing to do.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Welcome to SR!
You may currently feel like a failure but feelings aren't facts, maybe turn it around and realized this is your turning point and now you can try sobriety again. It took me 25 years to stay stopped, so it can be done and we can rebuild a life at the age of 50 (I did), so keep trying!!!
Hugs and Love to you,
~SB
You may currently feel like a failure but feelings aren't facts, maybe turn it around and realized this is your turning point and now you can try sobriety again. It took me 25 years to stay stopped, so it can be done and we can rebuild a life at the age of 50 (I did), so keep trying!!!
Hugs and Love to you,
~SB
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Welcome back! You can do this.
For me it started to really work when I gave up. Gave up the fantasy that I didn't have a problem and could drink like a normal person. I'll never, ever drink like a normal person. That ship has sailed.
For me it started to really work when I gave up. Gave up the fantasy that I didn't have a problem and could drink like a normal person. I'll never, ever drink like a normal person. That ship has sailed.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
Withdrawal would always leave me convinced I could not survive without a drink. You sound like you are scared. It's a starting place . I remember the feeling. An arrest record will make it harder for you to get through life. Sounds like drinking is not your friend. You can do it. I got sober here. I love this place. You can find support here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
I appreciate all these quick responses. As much as I don't want to, I'm gonna find some AA meetings in my area. I had some problems with the program but being around other non-drinkers with similar stories was helpful.
Mostly I don't want to because it's a very small town where I'm sure to run into members from time to time, but I want to take advantage of EVERYTHING within my reach.
I feel much better, more hopeful today. Drinking a lot always raises my anxiety real high the day it wears off. Maybe it's withdrawal, maybe it's because denial is temporarily gone and I can see plainly the horror I'm up against
Or both.
Mostly I don't want to because it's a very small town where I'm sure to run into members from time to time, but I want to take advantage of EVERYTHING within my reach.
I feel much better, more hopeful today. Drinking a lot always raises my anxiety real high the day it wears off. Maybe it's withdrawal, maybe it's because denial is temporarily gone and I can see plainly the horror I'm up against
Or both.
were rootin for you all the way
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I understand the horror of what you're up against, the remorse and the general feeling of anxiety. The further away from my last drink I got, the better all that became.
I hope you make it stick this time. Keep posting and keep reading, this place has a lot of collective wisdom.
I hope you make it stick this time. Keep posting and keep reading, this place has a lot of collective wisdom.
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