Isolating Myself Into Another Relapse
Saved By Grace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oop North, Furtlin' me Ferrets
Posts: 410
Isolating Myself Into Another Relapse
Warning: Depressing, Possibly Triggering.
I lack excitement in my life today, and it appears that everyday is a sort of groundhog day: work, church, gym, meetings. Today is my Saturday, I have 11 months sober today, but am I happy about it? No. I am seriously considering relapsing.
I have fallen into this self-imposed prison of fear and anxiety which is keeping me in a state of doom and gloom. For example, 1) a friend wants to go do something, I decline because I somehow already know it won't be any fun so why do it. I've convinced myself that nothing is that fun to me anymore now that I'm sober, even though I know that's not true. I buy into my own ******** so easily. Or, 2) I could go on a date but I feel such anxiety over it that if it is awkward or doesn't go well it might send me deeper into a downward spiral. Plus the wasted time and money, so I don't try. I play it safe. And playing it safe is sort of keeping me sick and in a state of untreated alcoholism. I have less problems today, but my world has become smaller and smaller and I am getting boxed in.
I use to be happy in recovery, but for whatever reason I end up alone in my room watching TV or playing video games. Then I will have a day where I force myself to get busy and accomplish tasks and do the things I don't want to and usually it's a pretty good day. But then the next day rolls around and I fall back into lazy apathy. People call/text me and I "cringe" and go back to sleep. I work graveyard shift so I do a lot of sleeping during the day which is depressing in itself. It confuses me because if there was something I wanted to do, you would think I would do it? All around me, on social media, etc. I see people doing stuff, traveling, making stuff, doing all kinds of **** and it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel less then and boring.
But literally nothing sounds fun except using opiates, sex, or getting drunk at the bars. 2 of those I can't do and the 3rd requires a level of effort I can't seem to muster up. I'm sort of face to face with my attitudes, my insecurities, and my low self-esteem, basically why drugs/alcohol were a solution for me in the first place.
I have stopped working on step 3, and I haven't followed the instructions others have given me to get me out of this funk. It's like I don't care anymore, I'm tired of it all. Yesterday I spent Thanksgiving alone (by choice) because I told myself it wouldn't matter. And it made me extremely depressed, what a surprise! Honestly I was entertaining the idea of taking my own life, and I would almost rather go that route before drinking/using again.
It's ironic to think how a year ago this time I was in bed listening to the committee in my head cause anxiety and negativity throughout my body. Dwelling on past mistakes, future fears, and a life completely off the rails. I was depressed then, I'm depressed now, the only difference is I was strung out then and had a monkey on my back. My sponsor tells me I'm right where I'm suppose to be but I don't believe him. I pray to a God for his will to be done in my life but at the end of the day I feel alone and missing out. Maybe the fear of failure has me paralyzed, I've spent days trying to figure out whats wrong with me and why I feel the way I do. I went to a Doctor and got on Anti-Depressants but it's been 6 weeks and they have only increased my anxiety. My negative thinking and outlook is going full-force, it's astonishing.
So given all that, whats to stop me from driving to the gas station this morning and grabbing a 12 pack. It's a rainy day and I could shut off my phone and play video games and drink like I use to for 12 years. If I'm going to be isolating and sad might as well have a drink in my hand. Whats to stop me from hitting my friends up and getting some drugs to breathe a sigh of relief and get that euphoria and oblivion I miss. At least that would make this weekend fun, more fun than I've had in the last 6 months.
If I had a good exit plan I would have already done it I suppose, but the idea of loosing everything again and hurting my family and disappointing my friends is keeping me sober, and miserable. I don't really expect any advice or words of encouragement, I'm writing this out mainly to just express where my mind has been going as of late.
I guess I have 3 options
1) change something (where does the motivation come from?)
2) suicide
3) relapse (slow suicide)
I lack excitement in my life today, and it appears that everyday is a sort of groundhog day: work, church, gym, meetings. Today is my Saturday, I have 11 months sober today, but am I happy about it? No. I am seriously considering relapsing.
I have fallen into this self-imposed prison of fear and anxiety which is keeping me in a state of doom and gloom. For example, 1) a friend wants to go do something, I decline because I somehow already know it won't be any fun so why do it. I've convinced myself that nothing is that fun to me anymore now that I'm sober, even though I know that's not true. I buy into my own ******** so easily. Or, 2) I could go on a date but I feel such anxiety over it that if it is awkward or doesn't go well it might send me deeper into a downward spiral. Plus the wasted time and money, so I don't try. I play it safe. And playing it safe is sort of keeping me sick and in a state of untreated alcoholism. I have less problems today, but my world has become smaller and smaller and I am getting boxed in.
I use to be happy in recovery, but for whatever reason I end up alone in my room watching TV or playing video games. Then I will have a day where I force myself to get busy and accomplish tasks and do the things I don't want to and usually it's a pretty good day. But then the next day rolls around and I fall back into lazy apathy. People call/text me and I "cringe" and go back to sleep. I work graveyard shift so I do a lot of sleeping during the day which is depressing in itself. It confuses me because if there was something I wanted to do, you would think I would do it? All around me, on social media, etc. I see people doing stuff, traveling, making stuff, doing all kinds of **** and it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel less then and boring.
But literally nothing sounds fun except using opiates, sex, or getting drunk at the bars. 2 of those I can't do and the 3rd requires a level of effort I can't seem to muster up. I'm sort of face to face with my attitudes, my insecurities, and my low self-esteem, basically why drugs/alcohol were a solution for me in the first place.
I have stopped working on step 3, and I haven't followed the instructions others have given me to get me out of this funk. It's like I don't care anymore, I'm tired of it all. Yesterday I spent Thanksgiving alone (by choice) because I told myself it wouldn't matter. And it made me extremely depressed, what a surprise! Honestly I was entertaining the idea of taking my own life, and I would almost rather go that route before drinking/using again.
It's ironic to think how a year ago this time I was in bed listening to the committee in my head cause anxiety and negativity throughout my body. Dwelling on past mistakes, future fears, and a life completely off the rails. I was depressed then, I'm depressed now, the only difference is I was strung out then and had a monkey on my back. My sponsor tells me I'm right where I'm suppose to be but I don't believe him. I pray to a God for his will to be done in my life but at the end of the day I feel alone and missing out. Maybe the fear of failure has me paralyzed, I've spent days trying to figure out whats wrong with me and why I feel the way I do. I went to a Doctor and got on Anti-Depressants but it's been 6 weeks and they have only increased my anxiety. My negative thinking and outlook is going full-force, it's astonishing.
So given all that, whats to stop me from driving to the gas station this morning and grabbing a 12 pack. It's a rainy day and I could shut off my phone and play video games and drink like I use to for 12 years. If I'm going to be isolating and sad might as well have a drink in my hand. Whats to stop me from hitting my friends up and getting some drugs to breathe a sigh of relief and get that euphoria and oblivion I miss. At least that would make this weekend fun, more fun than I've had in the last 6 months.
If I had a good exit plan I would have already done it I suppose, but the idea of loosing everything again and hurting my family and disappointing my friends is keeping me sober, and miserable. I don't really expect any advice or words of encouragement, I'm writing this out mainly to just express where my mind has been going as of late.
I guess I have 3 options
1) change something (where does the motivation come from?)
2) suicide
3) relapse (slow suicide)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
The motivation comes from the doing.
SometI messed we have to just force our way through it, and in taking action we find new energy.
Stopping the steps, refusing to act on any advice given, not trying anything new.... these are sure ways to remain stuck and unmotivated.
I had some big slumps at 10-11 months too. I forced my way through it and kept reminding myself what I really wanted; to live and experience this cherished life fully and deeply.
I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and doing the work of recovery even when I didn't want to.
Almost two years sober and my life is a lot better aND my attitude is too.
Your words sound like those of someone wrestling with depression - please if you're really considering suicide get to a counselor or the ER immediately.
Therapy really helped me as a part of getting through these feelings.
Stick with it and know that it gets so much better.
SometI messed we have to just force our way through it, and in taking action we find new energy.
Stopping the steps, refusing to act on any advice given, not trying anything new.... these are sure ways to remain stuck and unmotivated.
I had some big slumps at 10-11 months too. I forced my way through it and kept reminding myself what I really wanted; to live and experience this cherished life fully and deeply.
I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and doing the work of recovery even when I didn't want to.
Almost two years sober and my life is a lot better aND my attitude is too.
Your words sound like those of someone wrestling with depression - please if you're really considering suicide get to a counselor or the ER immediately.
Therapy really helped me as a part of getting through these feelings.
Stick with it and know that it gets so much better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 108
Well get another sponsor find someone who has taken the steps and is happy you either want to or you don't want to we have to be honest with ourselves like never before the book Alcoholics Anonymous is the only place that has the directions on how to take the steps don't make it so difficult we don't even work step 3 step 3 we decide to turn our will and life over when the time comes it tells us we have to face and be rid of the things in our selves which are blocking us before we can even turn our will and life over there are clear cut directions can I suggest search out of meeting where they talk about the solution not the problem people who carry the message not the mess take the steps as they are laid out in the big book and once the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically life will take on a new meaning you don't have to struggle I'm proud of you 11 months is wonderful but from what you've said you're only this is about recovery to return to health from sickness the steps will help you discover one day at a time we get out of living in the past filled with regrets and resentments being in the future filled with anxiety and anticipation it allows us to live here to live now what is here what is now our higher power happiness peace find a sponsor who can guide you through the steps so you can recreate your life you can do it
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
a decision requires action. option 1 is your best option.remove the other 2.
imo it reads like a good place to start is step 1- admitting your powerless and your life is unmanagable. then get into action.
every time ive let up on the spiritual program of action and rested on my laurels i was headed for trouble. when i got my arse back into action i straightened out mentally.
hopin ya make the choice to get into action.
imo it reads like a good place to start is step 1- admitting your powerless and your life is unmanagable. then get into action.
every time ive let up on the spiritual program of action and rested on my laurels i was headed for trouble. when i got my arse back into action i straightened out mentally.
hopin ya make the choice to get into action.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by YoungAndClean 
1) change something (where does the motivation come from?)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I think you have another good option.
Go back to your dr and ask about trying a different medication. It's common to have to try two or three different medications to find one that works for you. For me, it was the third one I tried that worked. Don't give up.
Go back to your dr and ask about trying a different medication. It's common to have to try two or three different medications to find one that works for you. For me, it was the third one I tried that worked. Don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by YoungAndClean
Warning: Depressing, Possibly Triggering.
I lack excitement in my life today, and it appears that everyday is a sort of groundhog day: work, church, gym, meetings. Today is my Saturday, I have 11 months sober today, but am I happy about it? No. I am seriously considering relapsing.
I have fallen into this self-imposed prison of fear and anxiety which is keeping me in a state of doom and gloom. For example, 1) a friend wants to go do something, I decline because I somehow already know it won't be any fun so why do it. I've convinced myself that nothing is that fun to me anymore now that I'm sober, even though I know that's not true. I buy into my own ******** so easily. Or, 2) I could go on a date but I feel such anxiety over it that if it is awkward or doesn't go well it might send me deeper into a downward spiral. Plus the wasted time and money, so I don't try. I play it safe. And playing it safe is sort of keeping me sick and in a state of untreated alcoholism. I have less problems today, but my world has become smaller and smaller and I am getting boxed in.
I use to be happy in recovery, but for whatever reason I end up alone in my room watching TV or playing video games. Then I will have a day where I force myself to get busy and accomplish tasks and do the things I don't want to and usually it's a pretty good day. But then the next day rolls around and I fall back into lazy apathy. People call/text me and I "cringe" and go back to sleep. I work graveyard shift so I do a lot of sleeping during the day which is depressing in itself. It confuses me because if there was something I wanted to do, you would think I would do it? All around me, on social media, etc. I see people doing stuff, traveling, making stuff, doing all kinds of **** and it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel less then and boring.
But literally nothing sounds fun except using opiates, sex, or getting drunk at the bars. 2 of those I can't do and the 3rd requires a level of effort I can't seem to muster up. I'm sort of face to face with my attitudes, my insecurities, and my low self-esteem, basically why drugs/alcohol were a solution for me in the first place.
I have stopped working on step 3, and I haven't followed the instructions others have given me to get me out of this funk. It's like I don't care anymore, I'm tired of it all. Yesterday I spent Thanksgiving alone (by choice) because I told myself it wouldn't matter. And it made me extremely depressed, what a surprise! Honestly I was entertaining the idea of taking my own life, and I would almost rather go that route before drinking/using again.
It's ironic to think how a year ago this time I was in bed listening to the committee in my head cause anxiety and negativity throughout my body. Dwelling on past mistakes, future fears, and a life completely off the rails. I was depressed then, I'm depressed now, the only difference is I was strung out then and had a monkey on my back. My sponsor tells me I'm right where I'm suppose to be but I don't believe him. I pray to a God for his will to be done in my life but at the end of the day I feel alone and missing out. Maybe the fear of failure has me paralyzed, I've spent days trying to figure out whats wrong with me and why I feel the way I do. I went to a Doctor and got on Anti-Depressants but it's been 6 weeks and they have only increased my anxiety. My negative thinking and outlook is going full-force, it's astonishing.
So given all that, whats to stop me from driving to the gas station this morning and grabbing a 12 pack. It's a rainy day and I could shut off my phone and play video games and drink like I use to for 12 years. If I'm going to be isolating and sad might as well have a drink in my hand. Whats to stop me from hitting my friends up and getting some drugs to breathe a sigh of relief and get that euphoria and oblivion I miss. At least that would make this weekend fun, more fun than I've had in the last 6 months.
If I had a good exit plan I would have already done it I suppose, but the idea of loosing everything again and hurting my family and disappointing my friends is keeping me sober, and miserable. I don't really expect any advice or words of encouragement, I'm writing this out mainly to just express where my mind has been going as of late.
I guess I have 3 options
1) change something (where does the motivation come from?)
2) suicide
3) relapse (slow suicide)
I lack excitement in my life today, and it appears that everyday is a sort of groundhog day: work, church, gym, meetings. Today is my Saturday, I have 11 months sober today, but am I happy about it? No. I am seriously considering relapsing.
I have fallen into this self-imposed prison of fear and anxiety which is keeping me in a state of doom and gloom. For example, 1) a friend wants to go do something, I decline because I somehow already know it won't be any fun so why do it. I've convinced myself that nothing is that fun to me anymore now that I'm sober, even though I know that's not true. I buy into my own ******** so easily. Or, 2) I could go on a date but I feel such anxiety over it that if it is awkward or doesn't go well it might send me deeper into a downward spiral. Plus the wasted time and money, so I don't try. I play it safe. And playing it safe is sort of keeping me sick and in a state of untreated alcoholism. I have less problems today, but my world has become smaller and smaller and I am getting boxed in.
I use to be happy in recovery, but for whatever reason I end up alone in my room watching TV or playing video games. Then I will have a day where I force myself to get busy and accomplish tasks and do the things I don't want to and usually it's a pretty good day. But then the next day rolls around and I fall back into lazy apathy. People call/text me and I "cringe" and go back to sleep. I work graveyard shift so I do a lot of sleeping during the day which is depressing in itself. It confuses me because if there was something I wanted to do, you would think I would do it? All around me, on social media, etc. I see people doing stuff, traveling, making stuff, doing all kinds of **** and it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel less then and boring.
But literally nothing sounds fun except using opiates, sex, or getting drunk at the bars. 2 of those I can't do and the 3rd requires a level of effort I can't seem to muster up. I'm sort of face to face with my attitudes, my insecurities, and my low self-esteem, basically why drugs/alcohol were a solution for me in the first place.
I have stopped working on step 3, and I haven't followed the instructions others have given me to get me out of this funk. It's like I don't care anymore, I'm tired of it all. Yesterday I spent Thanksgiving alone (by choice) because I told myself it wouldn't matter. And it made me extremely depressed, what a surprise! Honestly I was entertaining the idea of taking my own life, and I would almost rather go that route before drinking/using again.
It's ironic to think how a year ago this time I was in bed listening to the committee in my head cause anxiety and negativity throughout my body. Dwelling on past mistakes, future fears, and a life completely off the rails. I was depressed then, I'm depressed now, the only difference is I was strung out then and had a monkey on my back. My sponsor tells me I'm right where I'm suppose to be but I don't believe him. I pray to a God for his will to be done in my life but at the end of the day I feel alone and missing out. Maybe the fear of failure has me paralyzed, I've spent days trying to figure out whats wrong with me and why I feel the way I do. I went to a Doctor and got on Anti-Depressants but it's been 6 weeks and they have only increased my anxiety. My negative thinking and outlook is going full-force, it's astonishing.
So given all that, whats to stop me from driving to the gas station this morning and grabbing a 12 pack. It's a rainy day and I could shut off my phone and play video games and drink like I use to for 12 years. If I'm going to be isolating and sad might as well have a drink in my hand. Whats to stop me from hitting my friends up and getting some drugs to breathe a sigh of relief and get that euphoria and oblivion I miss. At least that would make this weekend fun, more fun than I've had in the last 6 months.
If I had a good exit plan I would have already done it I suppose, but the idea of loosing everything again and hurting my family and disappointing my friends is keeping me sober, and miserable. I don't really expect any advice or words of encouragement, I'm writing this out mainly to just express where my mind has been going as of late.
I guess I have 3 options
1) change something (where does the motivation come from?)
2) suicide
3) relapse (slow suicide)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MI, USA
Posts: 234
My motivation for change came, from hating myself. And wondering how I got so self-sick-sick-of-self.
AND then one day I laughed a crrrazzzzy laugh, so hard at myself. The hatred melted into painful tears and torturous questions floating around endlessly in my head.
I realized I wanted to connect to just one other person that was good for me, that maybe I was worth it?
I had to FORGIVE MYSELF a little, and SIT IN CRAP feelings, as I was able.
I found one other person (that went to NA meetings). I didn't even talk to them that often. I knew he was near and it was enough.
I read everything.
It would have been so much simpler to attend an NA or AA group meeting, but among other things it created an uncontrollable energy and that need-to-party feel in my head...and panic. Each of these realizations took years for me to sort through, one hour at a time.
Bad habits needed breaking but where to start?
No more friends that tempted me to party.
I sought out someone that understood the desperation I was living.
The questions I had about living.
Really living.
I needed NA.
I need you.
I need SR.
I need to be safe, clean and sober, right now.
I decided to live.
You can too. You are necessary.
AND then one day I laughed a crrrazzzzy laugh, so hard at myself. The hatred melted into painful tears and torturous questions floating around endlessly in my head.
I realized I wanted to connect to just one other person that was good for me, that maybe I was worth it?
I had to FORGIVE MYSELF a little, and SIT IN CRAP feelings, as I was able.
I found one other person (that went to NA meetings). I didn't even talk to them that often. I knew he was near and it was enough.
I read everything.
It would have been so much simpler to attend an NA or AA group meeting, but among other things it created an uncontrollable energy and that need-to-party feel in my head...and panic. Each of these realizations took years for me to sort through, one hour at a time.
Bad habits needed breaking but where to start?
No more friends that tempted me to party.
I sought out someone that understood the desperation I was living.
The questions I had about living.
Really living.
I needed NA.
I need you.
I need SR.
I need to be safe, clean and sober, right now.
I decided to live.
You can too. You are necessary.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Your sobriety sounds like my non-recovery days. I feel sorry for you. You describe your situation as "self-imposed." SELF...that's important. That means you hold the key to getting out of it.
Lot of good advice here. I hope you implement some of it.
Lot of good advice here. I hope you implement some of it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 770
Where can you get motivation from? Do you have a therapist? Meds are great and I am very grateful for mine but I need the mental and emotional support too. Motivation can be hard, especially because I really had that all or nothing thinking.
Why bother cleaning the bathroom? The kitchen is still dirty.
Why bother going for a walk? That isn't enough to get my heart rate up.
Why bother? But it turns out, just cleaning for 15 minutes can make me feel really accomplished! It turns out taking that walk does make me feel way better! And then I am usually motivated to do more. This didn't happen over night and it is a constant struggle of telling myself that I am doing enough. But taking baby steps that seem like they aren't much can eventually make a big deal.
That is just a small personal example, but what small thing can you do today to make a little progress? I think posting here was a baby step, So that shows you have some desire for sobriety today. You are worthy of happiness and I truly hope you find some relief today. I have struggled a lot with anxiety and depression in sobriety and some days it just feels completely pointless. I wait it out even when there is rage or hopelessness and I feel horrible but it always passes. Sometimes I feel very lonely and misunderstood but when I come out of it I know that is not true. That is the depression that is not me.
Why bother cleaning the bathroom? The kitchen is still dirty.
Why bother going for a walk? That isn't enough to get my heart rate up.
Why bother? But it turns out, just cleaning for 15 minutes can make me feel really accomplished! It turns out taking that walk does make me feel way better! And then I am usually motivated to do more. This didn't happen over night and it is a constant struggle of telling myself that I am doing enough. But taking baby steps that seem like they aren't much can eventually make a big deal.
That is just a small personal example, but what small thing can you do today to make a little progress? I think posting here was a baby step, So that shows you have some desire for sobriety today. You are worthy of happiness and I truly hope you find some relief today. I have struggled a lot with anxiety and depression in sobriety and some days it just feels completely pointless. I wait it out even when there is rage or hopelessness and I feel horrible but it always passes. Sometimes I feel very lonely and misunderstood but when I come out of it I know that is not true. That is the depression that is not me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
YoungAndClean, I'm sorry you're feeling so low right now. I've experienced depression before, and certainly my symptoms were very much like the ones you're describing. Lack of motivation to do anything at all is a big one. Losing interest in the world around me. Just feeling flat and deflated. Working the graveyard shift can't help either. The days in winter are short enough as it is, but sleeping through what daylight there is must make things even worse. Seasonal Affective Disorder is very real.
One thing that strikes me with what you write is that you feel you have the energy and motivation to go out and buy alcohol. The energy and motivation to track down a drug dealer and buy drugs. But you're 11 months sober for a reason. Drugs and alcohol actually damaged your life to the point where you felt you had to give up both. And the fact you posted on here suggests to me that you know going back to them isn't the answer.
So instead of channeling what energy you have into finding ways to further damage yourself, how about concentrating on what you can do to help yourself. As Anna said, you could talk to your doctor about other medications that might be more effective. And/or look into counselling. You won't need to hit your friends up for one. And talking through the issues you mentioned here with a professional counsellor could make a huge difference to your life.
I really hope you get through this dark time without slipping back into drugs and alcohol, and soon find yourself on the path to a happier, sober, life.
One thing that strikes me with what you write is that you feel you have the energy and motivation to go out and buy alcohol. The energy and motivation to track down a drug dealer and buy drugs. But you're 11 months sober for a reason. Drugs and alcohol actually damaged your life to the point where you felt you had to give up both. And the fact you posted on here suggests to me that you know going back to them isn't the answer.
So instead of channeling what energy you have into finding ways to further damage yourself, how about concentrating on what you can do to help yourself. As Anna said, you could talk to your doctor about other medications that might be more effective. And/or look into counselling. You won't need to hit your friends up for one. And talking through the issues you mentioned here with a professional counsellor could make a huge difference to your life.
I really hope you get through this dark time without slipping back into drugs and alcohol, and soon find yourself on the path to a happier, sober, life.
Saved By Grace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oop North, Furtlin' me Ferrets
Posts: 410
Thank you guys for taking the time to read my cry for help. I was in a serious funk yesterday but I did not drink/use even though I really wanted to. I spent the majority of the day stuck in a funk alone in my room watching **** on Hulu. It just reminded me how I have to "act my way into right thinking". If the body begins, the mind follows.
This morning I woke up and for a second almost fell into that negative thought pattern of "oh man, I have to do X, Y, and Z" but then I told myself, "look, lets see how much you can accomplish today and make it like a game." Obviously wasting my day away did nothing but bring me lonliness and agony so I have decided to hit my to-do list and power through some stuff. Thanks for the support, thats what I like about sobriety, if I have a bad day I can go to bed and try again tomorrow.
This morning I woke up and for a second almost fell into that negative thought pattern of "oh man, I have to do X, Y, and Z" but then I told myself, "look, lets see how much you can accomplish today and make it like a game." Obviously wasting my day away did nothing but bring me lonliness and agony so I have decided to hit my to-do list and power through some stuff. Thanks for the support, thats what I like about sobriety, if I have a bad day I can go to bed and try again tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
Hi Young- I feel ya buddy, I really do. Getting through that first year- year and a half was really hard but it gets a tiny bit better each day past that year mark. Proud of you for seeing the doc cuz it shows you're willing to work on finding help and solutions. Stick with it buddy, and please, take suicide off the table bro. Not an option, sorry. You're gonna make it man and get to the other side and be glad you did.
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