patricia68

I was thinking a lot after my slip tonight. I need a better plan.

I am trying to quit alcohol, anxiety medication and nicotine all at the same time. I know most of you would say to quit alcohol first and everything else will fall into place. It's not that simple. I feel that quitting alcohol can be done on my own. But I feel the pressure of quitting the medication and nicotine as well.

The medication because I only get it through my doctor, and I'm always in a panic that I will run out too soon and she won't renew my prescription. Although she always does...it's more of a psychological addiction...

The nicotine because my husband quit and he's pressuring me to quit too, Although he said to take my time. But I was the one that suggested to quit in the first place. He did. And I'm still smoking. And I feel like a failure because of that...

I feel like I'm fighting a three front war....

Where do I start? Do I quit all at once? Do I quit one at the time? And if so, which one first?

These have been my demons for the past two years. Have I improve? Yes. I don't drink 24/7. I don't drink every day. I am trying to switch from smoking to vaping, unsuccessfully. I am trying to "survive" with my benzo prescription until it's an appropriate time to ask for more. I am looking for alternative options, like healthy diet and supplements.

But I am still not free. I am still addicted. And my life is still a living hell.

I can blame my husband all I want for his stupidity and bad mood. But at the end of the day, I know that I am responsible for my behaviour. And I can't behave like my real self until I get rid of all these unhealthy unhelpful addictions.

So where do I start? How do I get back to being my old self? Or my "new" self, the one that's not in constant panic of living life?

Do I quit all at once and go through hell for who knows how long?

Or do I rip the band aid slowly but painfully?

What do I do?

Freedom is my goal, How do I get that freedom? I have no clue. Is there a support organization for multiple addictions? Can someone beat multiple addictions alone? Am I strong enough to do this?

These are my questions. And honestly the answers are scary, because my little mind keeps telling me that I can, but then life goes on, stuff happens and the first thing I do is to soothe myself with one of my addictions...take your pick, anything would do, cigarettes, medications, a beer...I just can't seem to cope without a crutch.

What should I do?

Rehab is not an option. Not in the budget. AA is not for me, I just don't get it, although I appreciate how many life it has saved, it just doesn't do it for me. So SR and holistic medicine, and a little bit of positive thinking, buddhism and new age spirituality is what I get to work with. That's what I believe in. That's what "gets" me. But there's still a missing part and I can't figure out what it is...

I've seen regular doctors, counsellors, naturopathic doctors...and they all make sense, they all promise to "cure" me, but then a bad day happens and I can't control my impulses. Anxiety, panic, gloom and doom thoughts...and I reach for a clutch. It's an impulse. In 3 minutes I can blow a month of sobriety, It's a desperate attempt to find some peace, to stop the panic. To be able to breathe again even if it's just for an hour until hell breaks loose again.

I am reaching out to the old timers. The guys on the other side. The ones that have been through hell and back. The survivors. Please help me. I want to be in your team. I want to be on the other side and be able to tell my success story. I want to beat these demons. Where in the world do I start? What can I do?

Is there really a panic free life after this hell? Is peace of mind an achievable goal?

ZeldaFan

I was in a similar situation. I had a prescription for klonopin, I was smoking and drinking. When I decided to give quitting another shot, I spoke with my doctor about wanting to break free of all of them.

Number one was to quit drinking. My doctor was more concerned about that than anything else. I found once I stopped drinking, I was able to move to vaping and have been stepping down the nicotine content in my e-juice slowly over the months down to 3mg (started at 18mg). It took some getting used to but once I found a vape setup that worked for me and a juice I liked, it wasn't too hard. I only really craved actual cigarettes when I was drinking but the nicotine cravings stayed there. The vaping helped me greatly there.

Finally, my doctor stepped down my dosage of the klonopin slowly over time until I was free from that as well. He really wanted me to stay on a low dosage for an extended amount of time but I opted to quit once I knew I lowered my intake to a point where I could stop safely and not go into a full on panic attack.

So, basically, I just did everything in planned out steps. It took awhile but I managed to get there. The key to the entire thing was giving up the drinking completely at the very beginning.

This shouldn't be taken as medical advice but rather just my experience. Only your doctor can know the right way to handle your situation as there are a lot of factors to take into account. I got regular check-ups to make sure all was going well and only your physician can ensure you are being safe in how you recover from multiple addictions.

Wishing you the best and be strong! You can do this!

Fluffer

Hi Patricia,

I have only been sober a year so I don't think I qualify as an "old-timer", and I didn't quit several things at the same time. However, I'm a fan of Allen Carr's work and one of his main points is that all addictive drugs actually create the anxiety for which they offer the cure. It's like nature's most devious con game designed to keep in in the trap for life. So if I were you I would tie myself to the mast and try to go completely sober and clean from everything and see if you can make a clean break. It is my opinion that mental health is the normal state for most people if they stop ingesting addictive psychoactive substances. Maybe they have other recovery groups like SMART or Lifering where you live if AA is not to your liking? Or you can read up on the recovery literature?

For full disclosure, I don't know anything about anxiety medication so forget what I said about that. That is for your doctor and you to decide. Good luck!

Coldfusion

I think it is very bad to mix alcohol with benzos, so quitting alcohol is essential. Work carefully with your doctor on quitting benzos.

My detox program allowed smoking (but no caffeine or sugar). So I would say quitting smoking is low-priority.

ZeldaFan

I forgot to mention, I would highly recommend reading Rational Recovery if AA isn't your thing. It's an alternative take on addiction and how to control your addictive voice. It helped me greatly so perhaps it would be helpful for you as well.

Dee74

I think patches or gum could help with the nicotine...but benzo withdrawal is nothing to go it alone on, Patricia.

I've seen threads here by people - it's really is something far more than 'just psychological' I think?

You really need to talk with your Dr about coming off the drug, if thats what you want - and alternative ways of managing your anxiety.

D

Soberwolf

Completely agree with Dee74

Benzos are highly addictive its why in the uk they are not prescribed or hardly at all

Speaking to a Dr about gradually reducing your script to zero is a start

See if thier are any stop smoking sessions in your local area be sure to check out SR's section on nicoteen & smoking for ppl who can give hints & tips

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

Marcher13

Patricia, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I think what you need to do first of all is breathe, slowly but fully.

I'd suggest that you allow yourself to heal by creating the best opportunities for yourself. This doctor, is she someone you can talk to openly about the prescription? If so go and talk to her, otherwise find a place where you can get good advice about this medication and your needs.

And therein lays the answer, no-one can "cure" us but ourselves. I kept drinking and I kept smoking until the day I decided to outsmart myself, I worked out what I would do during the days and evenings instead of smoking or drinking. I worked out what I would do if I got anxious or angry, I worked out what I would do if I found myself craving alcohol and I did those things over and over and over again until life without drinking and smoking was better than life with them.

That's what a plan is, it's a strategy to work with all day every day. We old timers can't give you a plan because everyone's circumstances are different but we can help you build one.

You can do this because so many of us have and if we could do it you can. Read and post, ask for help and explanations and we will hear you and we will answer you but don't wait. The moment to start is now.

SereneEdition

Hi Patricia -

Can you pick which one is impacting your life the most negatively and focus on just that one for now with all of your energy?

Staying sober is a skill and you will be much better prepared to quit the others once you have a foundation.

Trying all 3 at the same time sets you up for a relapse.

Hawkeye13

I think one at a time since you are in a sense, setting yourself up for failure
trying to do all at once--that's a ready made excuse to keep using, unfortunately. . .

The booze seems like the logical start point.
In fact, Zelda's plan seems very smart.
Consult w/ doctor to taper the pills, step up on the vaping and slowly lower dose.,
and zero booze from now on.
Make that last one non-negotiable.

You can be free, and you will if you are determined and focused.
Life is much better without addiction--you can do it.

erky

Nice hat Patrica, I go on these trips of casting out all chemicals myself but since a bit of therapy I've realized it's me reacting to feeling out of control, initially with the drug/s then by venting a bit, my destiny. The chemicals strike deep and pervade all aspects of life. To heal requires a shift from them to love. Especially as they are only a substitute for love which includes pain. First meet your pain, hello pain, hurt, nice hat. I want you to meet my partner, love, actual.

aasharon90

Alcohol, drugs, nicotine are just a few
harmful toxins we put in our bodies that
affect all areas of our minds and bodies.

All these poisonous toxins reek havoc
on us mentally, physically, emotionally.

We are all made up differently inside
where no 2 folks are wired the same.
Similar but not the same.

Replacing one drug for another wont
make us feel any better but keeps us
addicted and wanting more.

When using a program of recovery taught
to me for my alcohol addiction and incorporating
it in my daily affairs has kept me sober for
a many one days at a time.

Since many of us have a chemical imbalance
in our bodies, talking honestly with our
physicians about our addiction and recovery
program, we can strongly suggest to them
if any medicine is to be prescribed for anxiety
or depression or any other kind of ailments
that it not be a narcotic or habit forming meds.

Stating that our recovery and sobriety is
absolutely top priority and don't want anything
to interfere with our progress has to come
from us to insure protection for what we
want and need to live a healthier, happier,
honest life for yrs to come.

Doctors will give us whatever they think
we need unless they know that without
a doubt we stand firm in not receiving more
poisonous toxins in our bodies that would
affect our minds and bodies.

A program of recovery, knowledge taught
to us, tools provided to us along with using
our physicians because that is what they are
there for us to use accordingly for better
health.

Listen..... Learn.... Absorb..... Apply

Of course this is my ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes that has been working
for me for a many one days at a time sober
for 25 yrs.

Friend Of Bill

When the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically AA is a fellowship the 12 steps our spiritual program help us recreate our lives that's not the AA doesn't work it's the people don't work AA we have to be willing to go to any lengths to return to health from whatever is bothering us we have to quit talking about it be about it there's more to life than just being sober sober means not drunk recovery or recovered means to return to help from a sickness the 12 steps the first step mentions the word alcohol remaining steps help us to perform spiritual surgery help us face and be rid of what's blocking us from happiness or if you'd like the sunlight of the Spirit your own conception of a higher power I am no doctor so I am in no position to give advice to anyone about medicine it just comes down to 5 being totally honest with ourselves like never before I either want to smoking used pills or I don't if I don't I will do anything to learn how to stay stopped or I will make any excuse to continue I used to bitch whine moan and complain until I was done when I got on everything else worked out

soberclover

Have to agree with the doctor consult on doing a taper from medication. I quit alcohol and nicotine at the same time but had to continue a consultation with my doctor about medication. Just yanking some medication out of your system just isn't smart. I, however, suggest strongly advocating for yourself by being super clear with your medical professional about what your goals are

CAPTAINZING2000

When, I was drinking, I was smoking . I was only able to give up smoking after I gave up drinking.

While smoking is a nasty habit, I never woke up in jail for it like I often did for my excessive drinkng.

If, you're an alcoholic, concentrate on giving up drinking first.
My emotional state when I quit drinking wouldn't have allowed me to try not smoking too.

Saskia

Patricia,

I second what Marcher said - and she is a very savvy lady!

I was addicted to alcohol, nicotine, sleeping pills and benzos. All 4 were hard for me. I quit smoking after 20 years of heavy smoking - over 20 years ago. I've quit drinking several times over the years and this last time was really difficult. I had to pull out all the stops to do that. I consulted with my pdoc about the benzos (klonopin) that I had been on for about 20 years. I worked with him to very slowly taper the meds. We got the pharmacy to special order a very low dose version and took a year to finish tapering - and still once in awhile I take a very tiny dose. It took me a year to get the benzos to this point.

My point here is that we are all different. There is no "right" way for everyone to deal with multiple addictions. For me, it worked better to deal with one addiction at a time as my major focus even though I did have some overlap. Sometimes trying to do all at once can be overwhelming. Only you and your doctor can determine what is best for you.

patricia68

Great advice here. Thank you so much for your thoughts.

I am going to focus on quitting alcohol first. You are right, without alcohol everything should be much more manageable.

As for the medication, I've asked several doctors, 3 or 4 now, and they all told me to just stop taking them. I know that's a bad idea, I know it can cause health issues, but they all seem to agree that in such a small dose I shouldn't taper? I'm confused.

And I am going to replace the cigarettes with e-juice. It seems to be a successful way of quitting smoking for a lot of people.

Thank you again for all your replies. I love how much support we have here. Thank you.

Anna

I think working on the alcohol first is a good plan Patricia.

If you've asked several doctors about getting off the pills and they all agree it will be okay, then I guess you should listen to them.

wpainterw

Hi Patricia68! And welcome to SR. Keep posting. That's the first thing you should do. We are here to help and we will help you achieve your goals. What to do next? I would say that you might consider leaving the goal of giving up smoking until later, when you have been able to give up alcohol for say a year or more. And to help you do that you might have a talk with your doctor and tell her about your various goals (1) First and most important is to get free of alcohol for long enough to give your body and brain a chance to heal and give you renewed self confidence so that you are more comfortable with things, (2) Ask her to help you by prescribing anxiety medications in controlled amounts, possibly later on switching to something non addictive, such as certain antidepressants, (3) Then, when things are going easier for you and you are getting your feet on the ground, try to give up smoking, again with the doctor's help.
I see that you have issues with AA. I do too and yet was able to profit from an agnostics group, although I am not an agnostic nor atheist. These have had problems in Canada but still exist there at least in the big cities. But if AA is not for you then is it possible that you might be able to join some kind of a group, such as Smart Recovery or a group therapy support group? Perhaps your doctor can help with this. Or your church or Buddhist temple if you have one. The reason I suggest this is that, although it is possible for some to get long term sobriety alone, I found that I could not do this and struggled for 30 years with various counselors and doctors, relapsing many times. Perhaps one of your Buddhist groups can provide assistance along these lines. Gaining sobriety is like climbing a cliff. It is far safer and far more likely to be successful if you don't try it alone, if you rope up with other recovering alcoholics, people with more experience and success with sobriety. I didn't learn this until very late but finally did hook up with a group and have been sober for 27 years. It's been a whole new life for me. I don't feel a bit of craving to drink and with my various health problems (two heart operations and two prostate operations, all successful) and the cancer problems of my wife, as well as the heart and other pills, I'm sure that resuming drinking would kill me in short order.
Anyway do keep posting here and the wonderful people on this site, old timers and others like you who are just starting in, will take your hand and start up the path with you, seeking the sunshine and happiness which is certain to come if you persist and believe in yourself, the true self which will come back to you and free you from chemical slavery. And do send me a private message any time. I am here 24/7. Every good wish.

W.

Dee74

I agree with Anna - nothing said here, including anything I said, should be construed as medical advice

If you've seen that many doctors and they all agree, then so be it.

I hope things get better soon

D