Hi all

Old 11-25-2015, 07:42 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 8
Hi all

Hi all,

Iíve lurked for a while. Iím ByTheBay, and, yeah, Iím an alcoholic. Iíve been drinking every day for over 20 years, trying to flood this huge yawning hole inside that craves affection and love and wants wants wants. But the hole and the drinking just got deeper and deeper, and blackouts became a regular nightly thing. And every day, my skin feels like itís burning off my bones from shame and panic and the hangover as I try to guess at what I said and did the night before. Iíve lied, cheated, manipulated people, humiliated myself, lost my boundaries (if I ever had any).

I want to stop this. I'm so ashamed and scared and angry and arrogant all at the same time. And I know I canít do it alone.

Reading here and elsewhere has helped me crawl through a lot of Day 1s and Day 2s. So many Day 1s; fewer Day 2s. That's on me for caving.

Tonight is a Day 5 that will soon be Day 6, if I let it. So I will not drink tonight. Iíll try to meditate, Iíll do the f---ing dishes piled in the sink, Iíll walk around the house in circles, Iíll lay comatose on the sofa, but I wonít drink.

Thank you for being here. Wishing you all a happy and healthy Thanksgiving!

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Old 11-25-2015, 07:47 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,649
Welcome BTB!
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Old 11-25-2015, 07:54 PM
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Sobriety is Traditional
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Location: Orcas Island, Washington
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Welcome, ByTheBay! Five days is AWESOME!

Why not read around and post here for a while? Here's a couple good threads:
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Old 11-25-2015, 07:55 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Welcome! I could have written your post....except the dishes are still piled in my sink. It does get better. Sounds like you've been trying for while and can't get too much time sober. Have you thought about what might help you stay sober? AA? Counseling? Support groups F2F? Yoga? You realize that you are filling a void in your psyche so that's good. Guess the idea is to fill that void from within cause all the external stuff just doesn't work. I know, I've tried . You're doing great....
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Old 11-25-2015, 07:59 PM
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 344
Welcome, BTB! I'm also on day 5 headed into day 6.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:02 PM
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bona fido dog-lover
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Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 100,095
Welcome to the family and congrats on day five sober. Keep on staying sober a day at a time and watch those days add up.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:27 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:28 PM
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Location: Indiana
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Glad to see you join us here! Keep up the good work and soon days will turn into weeks.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:58 PM
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Location: Madison, WI
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Welcome....and bad a** for making it through day 5!!!
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Old 11-25-2015, 10:43 PM
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Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,562
Five days is huge.. you're almost through the physical withdrawal cravings.. the alcohol is long gone from your system.. the mental part is easier as long as you don't listen to the voice of your ego (AV).. telling you one drink will be okay... haha we know where that leads..

I know about that emotional hole.. and the wanting.. just ignore it for now and focus on the basics.. be in the moment - everything is okay. You're safe, warm, not hungry, etc..

Great job!! Happy Thanksgiving! You can do it..
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Old 11-25-2015, 11:36 PM
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Do your best
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Nice to meet you ByTheBay
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Old 11-26-2015, 05:21 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,553
Welcome BTB--great job on five days.

Hang in there--you may have some insomnia and the anxiety can take awhile to go away
but each day you stay sober you will get better, bit by bit.
Distract yourself, eat well, take long walks by the sea, and things will improve.
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Old 11-26-2015, 05:54 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,978
Hi BTB! Welcome
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Old 11-26-2015, 01:13 PM
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Location: Australia
Posts: 212,778
Welcome ByTheBay - it's a good day to start a new life

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Old 11-26-2015, 01:49 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 114
Welcome and cograts on 5 days
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Old 11-27-2015, 05:43 AM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 8
Thank you all so much! This feels like such a safe place.

Frickaflip, I'm seeing a career/life counselor. I'm also doing the exercises in the book Refuge Recovery by Noah Levine. It's a Buddhist approach to facing what one has done, the cravings, and a kind of moral inventory.

Let's do this!
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Old 11-27-2015, 05:51 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: British
Posts: 56
Hi! Welcome and congrats on day 5 👍🏻

It's a tough journey, you'll get there! Guts, determination and support will help you 😊
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Old 11-27-2015, 05:52 AM
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Location: Upper Midwest
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BTB, you are well on your way to the life you have always hoped to have. Don't be side-tracked - by urges; by complacency; by fear. By anything. You can DO this!!

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
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Old 11-27-2015, 06:21 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Welcome, ByTheBay. You are doing so well. Keep it up!!
Tons of great info here on SR, and awesome support. Check out the Newcomers Weekender thread, see if you like it. Good place to just hang out and see what people all around the world are thinking and doing today and over the weekend. Like many SR threads, a very supportive, caring bunch if folks...and also hilarious.

In any case, stay close to SR, and POST if you are struggling! So glad you are here.
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Old 11-27-2015, 12:26 PM
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Welcome to the Forum ByTheBay!!
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