The Temptation Is Near
 

Just got home for the Thanksgiving holiday. I made some plans to hang out with my cousin today. When we get together we always drink, or used to I should say. All my friends have learned to accept that if I turn down an offer for beer to just leave it at that with no questions asked and no hard feelings. Getting together with my cousin is probably my biggest trigger to drink. He's the only one I know that will still try to edge me on to have a beer after I turn down the offer.

Ive always wondered why we couldn't just hang out without drinking, even when I was drinking. I would ask myself, why does it have to be EVERY time we hang out? I'm guessing its his social crutch, and used to be mine as well. I'm sure he feels it puts a different twist on the dynamics, and I agree that it probably does, but I dont think theres anything wrong with different dynamics.

He does quit drinking from time to time as well. He's one of those guys that need to quit for a month or 2 or 3, you know, whenever he arrives at his "accomplished date". And I have hung out with him during these times but if hes not drinking hes smoking weed, its always something. I do recognize his tendencies to quit for a while at a time is addiction behavior, and Im sure he does too, but the difference between his thinking and mine is that his "using is managed and controllable" and i feel that it's still a problem even if you take a break because it keeps you in the same state of mind.

Anyways, I'm about to head out. I know I could just make an excuse not to go but I havent seen him in a while and dont feel this issue should stop me from doing so. The plan is to grab a couple smokes (tobacco not weed) and a coffee, everything should be fine. Wish me luck

Wishing you luck if it gets uncomfortable have a exit plan

Hope it goes well

I think you are right on with your assessment above, Soberish. Know that SR/we are in your hip pocket and we know you can do this relationship with your cousin sober.

Good luck!

Good luck and be strong. Sending good vibes your way!

You got this... No luck needed! :)

Have you ever considered sharing with him what you shared with us? Either way, sounds like you got this!

You can do this!

Good luck! I understand completely were you are coming from. Atleast you have friends that accept you being sober. So far I only have one close friend that has embrace my sobriety and accepts me for not drinking. I did not want to change my lifestyle but i was force to, and now i see that it was for the better.

How did it go Soberish hope it went well

I have thought about it but he's a stubborn individual. It wouldnt do any good, and he's previously told me not to be "one of those guys that count days". He's the type thinks we've all got something we do that's flawed and that drinking and smoking weed is ours. He has said, "It's not like were not doing crystal meth or shooting heroin like our other cousins". He just doesn't want to hear it and I just kind of know this about him. His train of thought is getting kind of old to me.

My friends accepting it just kind of came with time. At first they were sort of like my cousin and always nagging me to drink. They sort of just stopped bothering with it because at the end of the day I guess they realize its my choice. Ive known these friends since I was a kid, we all grew up together. I wish my cousin could just accept it like they did without throwing the guilt trip out there.

What a great idea otherwise I feel you need to find new people in good recovery to surround yourself in.
It's many a family gathering I've had to avoid because I did't feel strong enough.
Is one get together worth risking your sobriety.
:
"people places and things" I was always go by that rule.
Mind yourself.

So everything went good today. He made a big deal out of it of course, so I told him it was only temporary like he had done numerous times before just to get him to shutup. He can "respect that" as he said, but only after saying I need to have a way to "release" lol. I told him not to be all weird about it, like he was the only one making a big deal about it. He's older than me so he just thinks he's all the much wiser or something, like he knows everything and whats good for me is whats good for him. Everything was fine after this little incident, I just wish he could skip the guilt trip. Oh well, its not my problem its his really.

I feel like everything went the same besides me not drinking. I mean the same dynamics were all there as far as I'm concerned. When he goes on his month or two of not drinking he won't even hang out cause I guess he feels like it'll be all weird or something. I'm not exactly sure but thats my best guess.

Im just gonna learn to smile and sort of laugh through this cause I think its only an issue if I make it an issue. Like I said its his problem not mine. It only effects me if I take his concerns to be truth, and to me its not truth. Maybe to him it is, but to me its not.

Well done you!

I think he may well have been missing his drinking partner. After all, if the other person is drinking it can give us licence to do so as well. It also throws into stark relief our own drinking when someone else stops. That isn't comfortable if you know you also have a problem. It sounds that he knows he does, but isn't able to tackle it permanently yet. Have a great day!

You're right he probably was missing his drinking partner. We had a couple mutual friends there that were drinking so its not like he was drinking alone though.

I think he knows he has what society would consider a problem, but I dont really think HE considers it a problem. He thinks it's a solution, much like we all did at some point. He takes his breaks to prove to himself its not a problem, or at least its not a serious problem.

To clarify a bit, im regarding 5 minutes of my 6 hours there. We really had a good time, I just felt this 5 minutes was completely unnecessary.

:c014:

Sounds like I've been like your cousin for a long time too - taking the breaks to convince there are no issues whilst causing problems each and every time I get started again - people close to me telling me I need to sort it but until I've finally realised this time there is a genuine problem with the drink - accepted I have drug issues previously - both linked tho for me and go hand in hand - without the drink I wouldn't be doing the drugs - I'd be elsewhere doing something productive instead of destructive.

Oh yes, I was also your cousin too, as it were. Stop to show I didn't have a problem. That worked ok for a bit. Until I started necking a double vodka at the bar to hide my full consumption.

I'm glad you had a good time. :) x